Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
Here is material stolen from a talented, up and coming Parma fan... 
Originally posted by KLP
The whole hand-ball episode is a mess because it should have been stopped for a foul against Benarrivo, a foul against DP and God know what else. As for the ref, he'd never had to deal with a game as big as this before, guess he was too used to being in the curva.
If the ref was "40 meters behind the DP" incident he would have been near the centre circle when Tudor "attacked" Benarrivo. Or was he too busy trying to start a Mexican wave with the Juve fans?
The whole hand-ball episode is a mess because it should have been stopped for a foul against Benarrivo, a foul against DP and God know what else. As for the ref, he'd never had to deal with a game as big as this before, guess he was too used to being in the curva.
If the ref was "40 meters behind the DP" incident he would have been near the centre circle when Tudor "attacked" Benarrivo. Or was he too busy trying to start a Mexican wave with the Juve fans?
Here's what I got on my screen when I pressed a link that didn't work:
If you'd receive a nickle for every link you pressed that didn't work, you'd be five cents richer now!
Followed by:
It only takes one wrong letter to hold back this page, not a nation of millions.
It kept coming up with new slogans everytime I refreshed until this happened:
OK, that's the last time we let you drive. Please leave now!
:groan:
If you'd receive a nickle for every link you pressed that didn't work, you'd be five cents richer now!
Followed by:
It only takes one wrong letter to hold back this page, not a nation of millions.
It kept coming up with new slogans everytime I refreshed until this happened:
OK, that's the last time we let you drive. Please leave now!
:groan:
This thread is full of great jokes.
Here's my contribution:
-------------------------------------
EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes, why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time
I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would
be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
Here's my contribution:
-------------------------------------
EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes, why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time
I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would
be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two
prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
His depression is made worse by the fact that,
from the next room, he hears his little friend
shouting out cries of
"Here I come again ... ONE, TWO,T HREE... UUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard
on."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?"
I couldn't even get on the f**king bed.."
prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
His depression is made worse by the fact that,
from the next room, he hears his little friend
shouting out cries of
"Here I come again ... ONE, TWO,T HREE... UUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard
on."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?"
I couldn't even get on the f**king bed.."
Once a chicken and a horse were playing together in a barn yard. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud-pit!
He yells out to the chicken HELP, HELP !!!
Go get the farmer, save me, save me!!! The chicken goes looking for the farmer but can't find him.
So he gets the farmer's BMW and drives it over to the mud-pit, lasso's the horse, ties it to the car and pulls him out. The horse says: "Thank you! Thank you! I owe you my life, Chicken .............."
A couple of days later they are playing there again. But this time the chicken falls into the mud-pit and calls out to the horse: Help me,help me!!!! Go get the farmer!!!
But the horse says, There's no time!!! But I think I can reach you, hold on! The horse stretches it's 4 legs across the mud-pit and yells at the chicken, "Grab onto my d!ck !!!!!" The chicken grabs on, the horse stretches back and saves the chickens life ............
So.. Whats the moral to the story????????
[Scroll Down]
Give up? Scroll down again...
Moral:
If you have a d!ck the size of a horse's, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks
He yells out to the chicken HELP, HELP !!!
Go get the farmer, save me, save me!!! The chicken goes looking for the farmer but can't find him.
So he gets the farmer's BMW and drives it over to the mud-pit, lasso's the horse, ties it to the car and pulls him out. The horse says: "Thank you! Thank you! I owe you my life, Chicken .............."
A couple of days later they are playing there again. But this time the chicken falls into the mud-pit and calls out to the horse: Help me,help me!!!! Go get the farmer!!!
But the horse says, There's no time!!! But I think I can reach you, hold on! The horse stretches it's 4 legs across the mud-pit and yells at the chicken, "Grab onto my d!ck !!!!!" The chicken grabs on, the horse stretches back and saves the chickens life ............
So.. Whats the moral to the story????????
[Scroll Down]
Give up?
Scroll down again... Moral:
If you have a d!ck the size of a horse's, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks
