Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (1 Viewer)

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Martin

Martin

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2000
56,913
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread Starter #4,581
    Warning, Warning. To all vampires who have been drinking Jesus's blood, it is not safe. I repeat, it is not safe, step away from the wine glass.

    ===

    Hepatitis A warning issued after Christmas communion on Long Island

    New York (CNN) -- Hundreds of people might have been exposed to hepatitis A while receiving communion on Christmas Day, Long Island officials said Monday.

    The Nassau County Department of Health is offering vaccines to those who attended two services at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in Massapequa Park in Long Island, New York, according to Nassau County Department of Health spokeswoman Mary Ellen Laurain.

    Individuals might be at risk if they received communion during the 10:30 am and noon Masses, according to a statement from the county health department.
    "We know that there's a potential that (exposure) could have happened," she said. "We think the risk is relatively low."

    At least one member of the clergy involved in the communion process was infected with the disease, Laurain said.

    There have been no additional reports of illness.

    Some 1,300 people were in attendance between the two church services, she added.

    Symptoms of the disease include the onset of fever, fatigue, poor appetite, nausea, stomach pain, dark-colored urine and jaundice, according the statement. The disease is rarely fatal and most people recover within a few weeks without complications, it said.

    Individuals exposed to the disease should receive vaccination within two weeks of exposure, the statement said.

    http://edition.cnn.com/2011/US/01/03/new.york.hepatitis.a/index.html
     

    Buy on AliExpress.com

    Nejc

    Senior Member
    May 13, 2006
    1,989
    Howard Webb's kids have denied their Dad is a secret Man Utd fan. "He is totally unbiased" Alex, George, Bobby, Matt and Cristiano stated.
     

    Ironz

    Senior Member
    Jan 31, 2010
    1,851
    Last night I was standing outside the pub having a cigarette when this guy in a wheelchair came up to me and said ''why do you smoke, when you dont need to?'' I looked at him and said ''why the fuck are you wearing trainers?''
     

    Wahdan

    Ace of Spades
    Mar 14, 2009
    6,851
    A man walks past a bar and sees a sign that reads: "Pies 50 cents, hand jobs $1."
    He goes in and sees the most gorgeous barmaid he's ever laid his eyes upon.
    He says: "Are you the one who gives hand jobs for a dollar?"
    "Yep," she says.
    "Well wash your hands then, I want a pie."
     

    Wahdan

    Ace of Spades
    Mar 14, 2009
    6,851
    A man and his wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he'd need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper: "Please wake me at 5 a.m."
    The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and he'd missed his flight.
    Furious, he was about to go and scream at his wife when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed that said: "It's 5 a.m. Wake up."
     

    Zé Tahir

    JhoolayLaaaal!
    Moderator
    Dec 10, 2004
    29,281
    Racist Microwave Buyer
    Posted at: 2009-11-16 13:02:45
    Original ad:
    WANTED - Microwave
    I am looking for a used microwave. WHITE ONLY
    From Me to *********@************.org:

    I have a LG microwave that I want to sell for $30. I am aware that your ad said whites only, but I am an African American. I sincerely hope that this won't be a problem for you, and we can put race issues aside and just do business.

    Thank you,
    Jamal

    From Amy ****** to Me:

    I am so sorry that you misread my ad. I meant the microwave should be white, because it would match my kitchen.

    Amy

    From Me to Amy ******:

    Oh, so because I am black, you think that I can't read? It really is amazing that the world we live in is still so racist. I'm sorry, but your insults have left me feeling sick. I don't think I can sell my microwave to a bigot.

    Sincerely offended,
    Jamal

    From Amy ****** to Me:

    I wasn't suggesting that you couldn't read. I'm not racist. If you read my whole email you would see that the ad was looking for a white microwave, not a white person. I changed the ad to avoid any confusion.

    Amy

    From Me to Amy ******:

    So now you think that because I am black, I am too lazy to read your whole e-mails. Your racism is overwhelming. You will never get my microwave from me. I will, however, sell you a burning cross for your next klan meeting. Does $20 for the cross sound fair?

    From Amy ****** to Me:

    I can't write anything without you being offended! I give up!

    From Me to Amy ******:

    So you don't want the microwave?

    From Amy ****** to Me:

    Will you still sell it to me?

    From Me to Amy ******:

    I would never sell anything to a racist.

    From Amy ****** to Me:

    Ugh I'm done with you.
     

    chester

    Too busy to bother
    May 20, 2006
    15,055
    A Queensland farmer drove to a neighbours' farmhouse in his Holden ute, and knocked at the door.
    A boy, about 9, opened the door.
    "Is your Dad home?" said the farmer.
    "No mate, he isn't; he went to town."
    "Well, is your Mother here?"
    "No, she went to town with Dad."
    "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
    "No mate, he went with Mum and Dad."
    The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
    "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
    "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant".
    The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
     

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