Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
Two guys were lost in the Sahara desert. One is David, the other is Michael.
They were dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis, with what looked like an emirate with a mosque in the middle.
David said to Michael, "Look, let's pretend we are muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or drink. I am going to call myself 'Dawood'."
Michael refused to change his name. He said, "My name is Michael, and i will not pretend to be someone that i am not. I am Michael."
The Imam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names. David said, "My name is Dawood." Michael said "My name is Michael".
The Imam turned to the helpers of the mosque and said, "Please bring some food and water for Michael only."
Then he turned to the other with a big smile, embraced him and said..."Salaams Dawood, Ramadan Mubarak!!!
They were dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis, with what looked like an emirate with a mosque in the middle.
David said to Michael, "Look, let's pretend we are muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or drink. I am going to call myself 'Dawood'."
Michael refused to change his name. He said, "My name is Michael, and i will not pretend to be someone that i am not. I am Michael."
The Imam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names. David said, "My name is Dawood." Michael said "My name is Michael".
The Imam turned to the helpers of the mosque and said, "Please bring some food and water for Michael only."
Then he turned to the other with a big smile, embraced him and said..."Salaams Dawood, Ramadan Mubarak!!!
A businessman comes into town and finds that the hotels are booked solid. Finally, one clerk says: "I have one room with two beds. I'm sure the other guy wouldn't mind splitting the bill.”
The businessman says: "I'll take it!”
"Wait a minute," the clerk says: "This guy snores really loud. In fact, the other guests have complained about it.”
The businessman says: "It doesn't matter. I'll take it.”
The next morning, the clerk asks him how he slept. The businessman says: "I slept fine, the whole night through.”
The clerk asks: "Didn't the snoring bother you?”
The businessman says: "No, when I walked into the room, the other guy was snoring, so I bent over and kissed him on the cheek, and said 'goodnight, beautiful.' Then he stayed up all night just watching me."
The businessman says: "I'll take it!”
"Wait a minute," the clerk says: "This guy snores really loud. In fact, the other guests have complained about it.”
The businessman says: "It doesn't matter. I'll take it.”
The next morning, the clerk asks him how he slept. The businessman says: "I slept fine, the whole night through.”
The clerk asks: "Didn't the snoring bother you?”
The businessman says: "No, when I walked into the room, the other guy was snoring, so I bent over and kissed him on the cheek, and said 'goodnight, beautiful.' Then he stayed up all night just watching me."
A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.
'Not yet,' said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal..??' he asks.
'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk.'
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I..??'
'Not yet,' said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal..??' he asks.
'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk.'
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I..??'
What's the difference between jews and boyscouts?
Boyscouts come back from their camps!
Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesnt scream when you put it in an oven!
How many Jews can you fit in a car?
2 in the front, 3 in the back and 6 million in the ash tray.
Boyscouts come back from their camps!
Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesnt scream when you put it in an oven!
How many Jews can you fit in a car?
2 in the front, 3 in the back and 6 million in the ash tray.
He fell off a guard tower.
Hollywood Has Taught Us:
* At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
* Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
* All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
* Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
* All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
* It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
* You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
* A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
* If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
* If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
* Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
* All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
*A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
*Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their polar opposite.
* At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
* Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
* All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
* Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
* All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
* It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
* You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
* A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
* If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
* If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
* Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
* All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
*A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
*Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their polar opposite.