Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (12 Viewers)

hoshi

hoshi

Senior Member
#101
Sep 2, 2002
924
#101
ok, so there's a guy leaving a bar late on one dark and stormy night. seeing the weather's so horrid, he decides to take a shortcut how through a nearby graveyard. however, he's had a few too many and so his balance isn't wonderful, and as he's walking through he falls into an open grave. he tries climbing up the sides, but it's so wet and slippery that for all his efforts he can't get out. so he decides to make the best of a bad situation, curl up in a corner, go to sleep and figure it out the next morning.

minutes later, another guy, a little bit squiffy, leaves the same bar. he, too, decides to take the shortcut through the graveyard, and he too manages to fall into the open grave. he scrambles and claws at the side for ages. the first guy, still in the corner, looks on with interest.
"you know, you'll never get out," he says.

...well, he did :)
 

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Dj Juve

Dj Juve

Senior Member
#104
Jul 12, 2002
9,597
#104
ok, here's to the lamest joke


one day, there's this kenyan politicion running for president. he starts going around the country campaigning. but since there's so many tribes around with so many languages, he has to hire translators to follow him.

one day he visits a tribe. so he begins say

"i will make nice big roads and schools for u!"

the people started shouting "unga unga"

seeing the responce, the politician continues,

"i will make nice houses and shops for u!"

the people started jumping and shouting "unga unga!! unga unga!"

feeling inspired he begins jumping and making more promises

After all awhile, the politicion get a stomach ache and asks where is the toilet..a little boy accompanies him there.

but on their way, the politician steps on some bullshit...the boy starts laughin and shouting unga unga



lame, i know
 
Bongiovi

Bongiovi

Senior Member
#107
Jul 12, 2002
587
#107
Jim decided to propose to Susan, but prior to her acceptance Susan had
to
> > confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that
she
> > suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 2 year
old.
> He
> > stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.
> >
> > However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit
that
> > he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Susan in the eyes and said, "I
too
> > have a problem. My ***** is the same size as an infant and hope you
could
> > deal with that once we are married." She
> > said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size
> *****."
> >
> > Susan and Jim got married and they could not wait for the
> > honeymoon.Jim whisked Susan off to their hotel suite and they
> > startedtouching, teasing, holding one another. As Susan put her hands in
> > Jim's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after
> her
> > to find out what was wrong. She said, "You told me your ***** was
> > the size of an infant!
> >
> > Jim answered, "Yeah that's right.....8 pounds, 7ounces, and 19
> incheslong."
> >
 
OP
Martin

Martin

Senior Member
Thread Starter #117
Dec 31, 2000
56,913
  • Thread Starter
    • Thread Starter #117
    The New Age Sensetive Assassin

    Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow
    his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes
    outside and does his stretching exercises. So the assassins set up shop
    right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and
    have everything ready to go.

    Noon comes, no dictator... 10 minutes longer... no dictator.

    One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing happened to
    him.
     
    OP
    Martin

    Martin

    Senior Member
    Thread Starter #118
    Dec 31, 2000
    56,913
  • Thread Starter
    • Thread Starter #118
    (spotted on a Church message board, in preparation of Charity day)

    * Councelling will be available for recovering alcoholics from Rev. Simpson (Meet at the Main Entrance at 12 am).

    (and underneath)

    * Complimentary Wine will be available throughout the day. (Happy hour 11 am to 1pm).
     
    OP
    Martin

    Martin

    Senior Member
    Thread Starter #119
    Dec 31, 2000
    56,913
  • Thread Starter
    • Thread Starter #119
    Reactions
    Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a glass of milk next to the keyboard.

    Optimist:
    The glass is half full.

    Pessimist:
    The glass is half empty.

    Apple Computer:
    You guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.

    Assembly programmers:
    No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.

    Basic programmers:
    No thanks; I'm still breast feeding.

    Bill Gates:
    Not enough market share to be Microsoft Milk.

    C Programmers:
    No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.

    CIA:
    What makes you think that's milk?

    National news media:
    Hey, we wanted OJ!

    Non-procedural language programmers:
    I drank it when nobody was looking.

    NSA:
    We know what it really is.

    Paranoid:
    Here is a glass just sitting here. Why? Who put it here? WHY WHY WHY!!!
    SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!

    Pascal programmers:
    Well, what type of milk is it?

    Pentium users:
    I drank Glass * .49999999 . . . but don't hold me to that.

    Prolog programmers:
    I know I drank it - just don't ask me how.

    Copy protection crazies:
    Somebody drank half my milk and didn't pay for it!

    Faith-healer:
    If we worship it, it will feel better.

    Feminist:
    How come HIS glass is bigger than MINE?

    Free Software Foundation:
    That milk is the cow's contribution to all mankind!

    Futurist:
    The milk's in the wrong half of the glass.

    Fuzzy logic guys:
    I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.

    IBM:
    Rent the glass from us and we'll fill it with something we know is good for
    you.

    Idealist:
    In a descent world, this glass would be filled to the brim and big enough
    for everyone to enjoy.

    IRS:
    Thanks for getting your milk witholding correct this year.

    Mac users:
    Where's my pump?

    MIS:
    I'LL DRINK IT IF YOU CAN GIVE ME UNTIL NEXT YEAR.

    Schroedinger:
    That stupid cat got into the milk again!

    Security consultant:
    Where'd the rest of the milk go?

    Shareware game author:
    That glass is free; the next one you have to pay for.

    UI designers:
    What's that crap in my glass?

    UNIX users:
    Nahh . . . too easy.

    Windows users:
    Where's my straw?
     
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