Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (45 Viewers)

[Layce Erayce]

We've all heard of female comebacks, well here's male comebacks to female comebacks

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there thinks you're a fat skank.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Probably because you'd be on your knees greeting my crotch.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, 'cause after I get done nailing you in the back of my car... I don't give a crap where you go.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: No problem, I can always withdraw onto your face

Man: Do you want to dance?
Woman: No!
Man: I think you misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: That works for me... as long as you're still warm when I do you.

 

Buy on AliExpress.com

[Layce Erayce]

"Redneck Condoms"

A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says: "I got a hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a' dem rubbers gonna cost me?"

The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."

To which the redneck replies: "TACKS! Gawd a' mighty, don't they stay on by themselves.

 

[Slagathor]

tsss... :LOL:

 

[Layce Erayce]

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"

*****************
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
*****************

Why is it when a man talks nasty to a women it's sexual harassment...
But when a women talks nasty to a man it's $3.99 a minute.

*****************
Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Madame.

Madame who?

Madame foot will be up your ass, if you don't open this door!


*****************
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.

"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

 

[Dj Juve]

:LOL: :thumb:

 

[Reza]

LOL

 

[Tom]

++ [ originally posted by laresca ] ++
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there thinks you're a fat skank.

Man: Do you want to dance?
Woman: No!
Man: I think you misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants.

:LOL:

 

[Desmond]

osama looks into his magic mirror every morning and asks:mirror mirror on the wall,who is the baddest of them all?

the mirror would then reassure him,saying:it is you,osama.

osama would then go have breakfast with his fourteen wives, satisfied and happy.

one day,he comes to the breakfast table looking grouchy and frustrated.

one of his fourteen wives asked:what's wrong,dear?

he shouted in reply:who the hell is roy keane!?!?!?!

 

[Tom]

 

[Desmond]

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"
What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.”

:LOL::LOL::LOL::LOL:

 

[Dj Juve]

++ [ originally posted by Paranoia ] ++
osama looks into his magic mirror every morning and asks:mirror mirror on the wall,who is the baddest of them all?

the mirror would then reassure him,saying:it is you,osama.

osama would then go have breakfast with his fourteen wives, satisfied and happy.

one day,he comes to the breakfast table looking grouchy and frustrated.

one of his fourteen wives asked:what's wrong,dear?

he shouted in reply:who the hell is roy keane!?!?!?!

:LOL: :LOL:

 

[Desmond]

A blonde a brunette and a redhead were convicted of a crime and sent to jail. Then they decide to escape, the brunette jumps up on the wall and then
jumps in the bushes on the other side. The guards poke their heads around the door to see what the noise was so the brunette says, 'meow meow.'
The guards say, 'don't worry it was just a cat.'
So then the redhead has to go, she gets up on the wall and jumps off into the bushes. Once again the guards come out and see what the trouble was and the redhead says, 'meow meow.'
The guards say, 'oh never mind, just another cat...'
So then its the blondes turn, so she gets up on the wall and jumps off and into the bushes. And the guards come out once again to see what all
the noise is so the blonde says,
'Dont Worry Its Just Another Cat!!'

_____________________________

stupid!:LOL::LOL:

 

[Dj Juve]

:LOL:

 

[Slagathor]

++ [ originally posted by Paranoia ] ++
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"
What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.”

:LOL::LOL::LOL::LOL:

Baptist type then please!

 

[Desmond]

:LOL:

 

[hoshi]

OK, so there's a Hindu, a Jew, and a critic all out travelling together. It's a dark and stormy night, and as fate would have it, their car breaks down. Luckily, there's a farm nearby, so they go up to the farmhouse and ask if they can stay the night. The farmer replies that he'd be happy to have them, but he only has two spare bedrooms and one barn.
"No problem," says the Hindu, "I'll take the barn." So they all retire to their respective abodes. Five minutes later, there's a knock at the door. It's the Hindu.
"I'm really sorry," he says, "but there's a cow in the barn, and due to my religion I don't feel right sleeping in there."
"That's fine," says the Jew, "I'll sleep in there." So they swap rooms, turn out the lights again and settle in for the night.
Five minutes later, there's another knock at the door. It's the Jew.
"I'm really sorry," he says, "but there's a pig in the barn too, and with my religion I don't quite feel right sleeping in there."
"Not a problem," says the critic, "I'll take the barn." So they swap rooms, turn out the lights and settle in.

Five minutes later, there's a knock at the door. They open it, and there's a cow and a pig there.........

 

[Slagathor]

:LOL: :LOL: hahahahaha

 

[Majed]

Private Eye:

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone.

A few days later, he received this report:

>MOST HONORABLE SIR:
>YOU LEAVE HOUSE
>I WATCH HOUSE
>HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
>HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.
>HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.
>I LOOK IN WINDOW.
>HE KISS SHE.
>SHE KISS HE.
>HE STRIP SHE.
>SHE STRIP HE.
>HE PLAY WITH SHE.
>SHE PLAY WITH HE.
>I PLAY WITH ME.
>I FALL OUT OF TREE.
>I NOT SEE.
>NO FEE.

 

[Desmond]

:LOL::LOL:
good one majed.(hope alex dosen't decide to close this or anything due to the explicit content.)

 

[Majed]

thanks...

i hope he doesn't delete it either.....

Messege to Alex: please send me this messege if the Joke i just posted is inappropriate. if you wont and you dont mind, I have a LOT more where that came from....