Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (57 Viewers)

The Curr

The Curr

Senior Member
#3,881
Feb 3, 2007
33,705
#3,881
The Perfect Husband


Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later!I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
 

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chester

chester

Too busy to bother
#3,882
May 20, 2006
15,055
#3,882
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he
is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he
was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had
spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him
staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's
the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not
choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in
classic style he did not bat an eye in his response: "Got drunk
once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were
my son."
 
Alen

Alen

Ѕenior Аdmin
#3,885
Apr 2, 2007
52,552
#3,885
xcen3x said:
A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.

'Not yet,' said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken.

When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow.

When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks.

'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.

I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any pork or bacon for a week either.

I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk.'

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I?'
Click to expand...
:lol:
 
chester

chester

Too busy to bother
#3,886
May 20, 2006
15,055
#3,886
Genuine warnings written on military equipment and publications
===============================================================
"Aim towards the Enemy" -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend" -U.S. Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are
guaranteed to always hit the ground." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." -Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when
you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in
what's left of your unit." -Army's magazine of preventive mainte-
nance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you
just bombed." -U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." -Infantry
Journal

"Tracers work both ways." -U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." -Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." -Col.
David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an
ambush." -Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." -Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once."-Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown
Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." -Unknown

(And lastly) "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up
with him." -U.S.A. Ammo Troop
 
chester

chester

Too busy to bother
#3,888
May 20, 2006
15,055
#3,888
5 secrets to a perfect relationship
===================================
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a
job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie
to you.
4. It is important that a man is good in bed and loves making love
to you.
5. It is extremely important that these four men don't know each
other.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did
you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber then shot him in the temple , killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man,
"Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"


Moral - When Opportunity knocks.... MAKE USE OF IT!
 
chester

chester

Too busy to bother
#3,889
May 20, 2006
15,055
#3,889
Heaven
======
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up to-
gether at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order
to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of
the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie
about it."
The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic."
St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't
*really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him,
decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people
died on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie.
"1,228," he answered.
"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

------------------------------------------------------------------

In Heaven:
==========

The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:
========

The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.
 
K0STA

K0STA

Senior Member
#3,890
Jul 12, 2006
1,037
#3,890
I hate Inter so much that even if they play against Russian team, and had to choose one side... definitely not InterMerda!

F%cking F.C. "InternationalBigZlatanNoseUselessCrespomerda"
 
K0STA

K0STA

Senior Member
#3,894
Jul 12, 2006
1,037
#3,894
Whoever f%ck you are, when you put "When you leave?" in -rep comment, please be nice to indicate your name. (So I get a chance to respond back :) although I usually dont)

Thanks in advance,

K0STA
 
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