Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (53 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.
She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted and refuses to let him up.
Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already!"
She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted and refuses to let him up.
Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already!"
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are drinking at a pub when a fly lands in each of their pints.
The Englishman says "Ew, sick!" and picks the fly out of his glass, signaling the bartender to give him another drink.
The Scotsman, unmoved, just removes the fly and keeps on drinking.
The Irishman stops drinking and grabs the fly by the wings. He immediately shakes the bug violently over the pint: "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"
The Englishman says "Ew, sick!" and picks the fly out of his glass, signaling the bartender to give him another drink.
The Scotsman, unmoved, just removes the fly and keeps on drinking.
The Irishman stops drinking and grabs the fly by the wings. He immediately shakes the bug violently over the pint: "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"
Lost at Sea, two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To his amazement, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish,not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer! The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick and after a long, tension filled moment, he spoke. "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
To his amazement, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish,not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer! The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick and after a long, tension filled moment, he spoke. "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful
parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first
that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says
some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she
had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house,
new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought
"that's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw
them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home
from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first
that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says
some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she
had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house,
new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought
"that's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw
them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home
from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
The Golf Bet
Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are playing together in a charity golf tournament. Stevie has a unique way of golfing as Tiger learned. Stevie's caddy gives him his driver and runs down the fairway. About 250 yards away he yells, "Stevie, Stevie."
Stevie Wonder pulls his driver back and whacks the ball within 10 feet of his caddy. They continue this again and again with Stevie Wonder hitting it very close to his caddy. He pars and birdies almost every time.
"Wow, that is impressive Stevie." Tiger said.
"Yeah! I can beat anyone at golf." Stevie answered.
"Well. Not everyone", Tiger said back.
"No, I can even beat you."
"Stevie, I'm the best golfer in the world. No offense but I think I could probably beat you."
"No, I don't think so," Stevie said with confidence. "As a matter of fact, I'd be willing to put a little money on a hole."
"Stevie, come on, I don't want to take your money."
"No Tiger. Let's do it... $1,000."
"$1,000? Why not $10,000," said Tiger.
"You're on." As they shook hands Tiger said, "You name the time and place Stevie."
"Okay, how about hole number 1... right here... midnight."
Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are playing together in a charity golf tournament. Stevie has a unique way of golfing as Tiger learned. Stevie's caddy gives him his driver and runs down the fairway. About 250 yards away he yells, "Stevie, Stevie."
Stevie Wonder pulls his driver back and whacks the ball within 10 feet of his caddy. They continue this again and again with Stevie Wonder hitting it very close to his caddy. He pars and birdies almost every time.
"Wow, that is impressive Stevie." Tiger said.
"Yeah! I can beat anyone at golf." Stevie answered.
"Well. Not everyone", Tiger said back.
"No, I can even beat you."
"Stevie, I'm the best golfer in the world. No offense but I think I could probably beat you."
"No, I don't think so," Stevie said with confidence. "As a matter of fact, I'd be willing to put a little money on a hole."
"Stevie, come on, I don't want to take your money."
"No Tiger. Let's do it... $1,000."
"$1,000? Why not $10,000," said Tiger.
"You're on." As they shook hands Tiger said, "You name the time and place Stevie."
"Okay, how about hole number 1... right here... midnight."
Thank you!
