Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
I guess I could put this here; 2 errors on Inter's new jerseys 
http://www.skylife.it/html/skylife/sport/video_sport.html?video=2
P.S - The video only lasts for one day, so hurry up and watch it!
http://www.skylife.it/html/skylife/sport/video_sport.html?video=2
P.S - The video only lasts for one day, so hurry up and watch it!
There's no end to their stupidity.................
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
There was this kid that always got picked on at school. everyday his friends and kids that went to school always said to him f**k you.well the dumb kid always was curious about what
the word f**k means. one day he got real
sad and wanted to know what it meant,so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father. he yelled
"pah"and then his pa came out and asked what hell you want boy? the boy said "pah" what does f**k mean. and then his pah said son i think its time you knew what f**k mean. pah then yelled out "mah" get down here son want sto know what f**k mean. mah comes down stairs pah says mah take off your clothes and get in your position.he turns to his son and said son you see that pink spot on mah."uh huh"watch your pah go to work. then the boys sister came in the door and says what are they doin? the boy turns his head
and with a smile he says they fuckin.
sister says what does f**k mean.
WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH"uh huh" WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK.
the word f**k means. one day he got real
sad and wanted to know what it meant,so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father. he yelled
"pah"and then his pa came out and asked what hell you want boy? the boy said "pah" what does f**k mean. and then his pah said son i think its time you knew what f**k mean. pah then yelled out "mah" get down here son want sto know what f**k mean. mah comes down stairs pah says mah take off your clothes and get in your position.he turns to his son and said son you see that pink spot on mah."uh huh"watch your pah go to work. then the boys sister came in the door and says what are they doin? the boy turns his head
and with a smile he says they fuckin.
sister says what does f**k mean.
WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH"uh huh" WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK.
> >A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
> >husband.
> >
> >Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
> >
> >"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
> >
> >Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
> >
> >Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
> >
> >Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
> >They're going to STICK!
> >
> >Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER
> >listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
> >
> >Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
> >your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
> >
> >You know you always forget to salt them. Use the
> >salt.USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
> >
> >The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with
> >you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of
> >eggs?"
> >
> >The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what
> >it feels like when I'm driving.
> >husband.
> >
> >Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
> >
> >"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
> >
> >Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
> >
> >Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
> >
> >Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
> >They're going to STICK!
> >
> >Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER
> >listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
> >
> >Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
> >your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
> >
> >You know you always forget to salt them. Use the
> >salt.USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
> >
> >The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with
> >you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of
> >eggs?"
> >
> >The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what
> >it feels like when I'm driving.
Two Irish people laid in bed and the dog next door is barking constantly
"im fed up of that dog barking im goin to sort it out" Paddy said
so he got out of bed got dressed and went out side. 5 mins later he came back with the dog still outside barking.
"where you go" paddys wife asked
"i took nextdoors dog, and put it in our garden to see how they like it!!!"
"im fed up of that dog barking im goin to sort it out" Paddy said
so he got out of bed got dressed and went out side. 5 mins later he came back with the dog still outside barking.
"where you go" paddys wife asked
"i took nextdoors dog, and put it in our garden to see how they like it!!!"
Today's professional management attitude
========================================
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on
that thing"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting
done; at least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually
lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now,
will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on
time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight exten-
sion of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we can-
not deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually
fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can
help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help
from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told
me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell
you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just
ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you
know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything
about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"
========================================
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on
that thing"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting
done; at least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually
lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now,
will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on
time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight exten-
sion of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we can-
not deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually
fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can
help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help
from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told
me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell
you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just
ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you
know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything
about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"
Tevez: Inter want me
Tuesday 12 June, 2007
West Ham striker Carlos Tevez has confirmed that Italian champions Inter are keen on securing his services.
The Nerazzurri have been paired with the Argentine over the past few months with some reports suggesting that Massimo Moratti had already opened talks with his representative Kia Joorabchian.
And now the South American starlet has fuelled speculation that he could become a Nerazzurri signing.
“I know Inter are interested in me,” said Tevez when questioned on the issue.
“It would also be nice to play in Italy, especially in a team that has so many of my fellow countrymen.
“I know that there will be some meetings and some discussions, but I really don’t know if there is anything official yet.”
Tevez, whose controversial summer signing from Corinthians saw the Hammers fined a record £5.5m, has made it clear that he is ready to leave the Premiership.
Reports in May had fuelled speculation that Inter were ready to discuss a £25m deal, but £10m might now be enough to lure Tevez to the San Siro.
The 23-year-old is a reported target for Real Madrid, Sevilla, Liverpool and Manchester United as well and is contracted to West Ham until 2010.
However, MSI, who own his contract, have the power to sell him on for a release clause of just £100,000.
Tuesday 12 June, 2007
West Ham striker Carlos Tevez has confirmed that Italian champions Inter are keen on securing his services.
The Nerazzurri have been paired with the Argentine over the past few months with some reports suggesting that Massimo Moratti had already opened talks with his representative Kia Joorabchian.
And now the South American starlet has fuelled speculation that he could become a Nerazzurri signing.
“I know Inter are interested in me,” said Tevez when questioned on the issue.
“It would also be nice to play in Italy, especially in a team that has so many of my fellow countrymen.
“I know that there will be some meetings and some discussions, but I really don’t know if there is anything official yet.”
Tevez, whose controversial summer signing from Corinthians saw the Hammers fined a record £5.5m, has made it clear that he is ready to leave the Premiership.
Reports in May had fuelled speculation that Inter were ready to discuss a £25m deal, but £10m might now be enough to lure Tevez to the San Siro.
The 23-year-old is a reported target for Real Madrid, Sevilla, Liverpool and Manchester United as well and is contracted to West Ham until 2010.
However, MSI, who own his contract, have the power to sell him on for a release clause of just £100,000.
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How to Impress an Italian Lady:
Wine her, dine her, hug her, support her, compliment her, suprise her, smile at her, hold her, romance her, laugh with her, shop with her, cuddle her, go to the end of the earth for her...
How to Impress an Italian Man:
Show up naked, Bring Beer.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How to Impress an Italian Lady:
Wine her, dine her, hug her, support her, compliment her, suprise her, smile at her, hold her, romance her, laugh with her, shop with her, cuddle her, go to the end of the earth for her...
How to Impress an Italian Man:
Show up naked, Bring Beer.