Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (27 Viewers)

[IlDivinCodino]

After 3 months of exhausting war at Dao Phu Quok in Vietnam, only 3 heroes of america survived and finally returned to the Waikiki Beach.
It had been the Field Marshall's decision to reward these men.
The 3 of them reported to him immediately after their plane landed.

"Privates! It is an honor for the United States of America to have brave men like the 3 of you," the Field Marshall exclaim as the 3 soldiers saluted him.
"It is my pleasure to award you."
"Privates, i need you to name 2 of your body parts and i shall present you with a thousand dollars for evry inch measured from one part to the other," he continued.

Puzzled and yet excited one of them, a grenadier, opened his mouth,"Permission to speak, sir!"
"Granted!"
"I wish to choose to be measured from the top op my head to the tip of my toes."
"A wise choice!" said the Field Marshall as he reached for his measurement tape.

"71 inches. It will be 71000 dollars for you. Congratulations!"
The trooper gladly took his share of money and left.

"How about the both of you?" The Field Marshall turned to the other two
A few seconds of thinking, the second soldier, a paratrooper spoke,"I wish to be measured from the tip of my middle finger of my right hand to the other tip of my middle finger on my left."
"Even better!" the Field Marshall said."73 inches, a good choice soldier!"
"Thank you, sir!" as he took his share and left too

"Its only you left then," the Field Marshall smiled at the last one, a medic.
He opened his mouth but it took about one and a half seconds before the words came out.
"Me choose the tip of me dick to me balls!"
At an instant the smile of the Field Marshall was wiped off,"Are you sure?"
The medic nodded.
Lost for words the Field Marshall grab his tape, bent down and measured but jumped up again immediately.

"Private!" he nearly shouted."Where in the name of good Lord is your testacles?"

The time seemed to stop for a second before the medic smiled and said,
"Dao Phu Quok Island, sir."

 

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[ReBeL]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free Speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello?"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ... go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "Great, thank you. I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later. I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye, honey, I love you, too."

The man hangs up.

The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

 

[DelPierino]

An old couple are celebrating their 50 year old marriage.
After the celebration they are going to bed.
The woman said to her Husband now i´m gonna do something that you always wanted me to do and never did in al these years.
She gave him a Blow Job and the man said oh i never knew that tere´s something great like this.
So he asked her what she want´s him to do!
And she looked up at him and says give me a kiss.

 

[Il Re]

An old couple are celebrating their 50 year old marriage.
After the celebration they are going to bed.
The woman said to her Husband now i´m gonna do something that you always wanted me to do and never did in al these years.
She gave him a Blow Job and the man said oh i never knew that tere´s something great like this.
So he asked her what she want´s him to do!
And she looked up at him and says give me a kiss.

whats a blow job?

 

[Tifoso]

whats a blow job?

See PM

 

[DelPierino]

I think´now he understands right?

 

[Il Re]

See PM

 

[Il Re]

I think´now he understands right?

oral sex by a woman on a man, so......................speaking sex

 

[DelPierino]

Right i knew you´d understand that.

 

[Il Re]

Right i knew you´d understand that.

, dont worry im just kidding!!!

 

[Tifoso]

 

[DelPierino]

Of course you are.

 

[ReBeL]

An Italian, French and Indian went to England in interview and they want to do a sentence with three main words


Yellow

Green

&

pink


1. The first one was the Italian :


(I wake up in the morning and I see the yellow sun, the green grass and I think about my self and I hope it will be pink day....)


2. The next was the French :


( I wake up in the morning and I eat the yellow banana, the green pepper and I watch the pink panther on the TV....)


3. The last one was the Indian :


(I wake up in the morning I hear the phone "green green" and I pink up the phone and I say yellow)

 

[Juve_Kosova]

An Italian, French and Indian went to England in interview and they want to do a sentence with three main words


Yellow

Green

&

pink


1. The first one was the Italian :


(I wake up in the morning and I see the yellow sun, the green grass and I think about my self and I hope it will be pink day....)


2. The next was the French :


( I wake up in the morning and I eat the yellow banana, the green pepper and I watch the pink panther on the TV....)


3. The last one was the Indian :


(I wake up in the morning I hear the phone "green green" and I pink up the phone and I say yellow)

:rofl2:

 

[Azzurri7]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free Speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello?"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ... go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "Great, thank you. I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later. I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye, honey, I love you, too."

The man hangs up.

The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

 

[Azzurri7]

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender,
"Give me six double vodkas."

The bartender says,
"Wow! You must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the
same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer
came back,
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered six
double vodkas.
The bartender said,
"MAN! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?
-" Yeah, my wife..."

 

[Juve_Kosova]

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender,
"Give me six double vodkas."

The bartender says,
"Wow! You must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the
same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer
came back,
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered six
double vodkas.
The bartender said,
"MAN! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?
-" Yeah, my wife..."

:rofl2:
:rofl2:
:rofl2:

 

[Azzurri7]

:rofl2:
:rofl2:
:rofl2:

man I keep on laughin at that joke eachtime i read it....

 

[Azzurri7]

Youngest Son: Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between
>>"potentially" and " in reality"?
>>
>>
>>
>>Dad: I will show you
>>
>>
>>
>>Dad turns to his wife and asks her: Would you sleep with Robert
>>Redford for 1 million dollars?
>>
>>Wife: Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity!
>>
>>
>>
>>Then Dad asks his daughter if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1
>>million dollars?
>>
>>Daughter: Waow! Yes! This is my fantasy!
>>
>>
>>
>>So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: Would you sleep with
>>Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?
>>
>>Elder Son: Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million
>>dollars! I would never hesitate!
>>
>>
>>
>>So the father turns back to his younger son saying:
>>
>>
>>
>>You see son, "potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but
>>"in reality" we are living with 2 bitches and a gay!

:rofl2:

 

[Juve_Kosova]

Youngest Son: Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between
>>"potentially" and " in reality"?
>>
>>
>>
>>Dad: I will show you
>>
>>
>>
>>Dad turns to his wife and asks her: Would you sleep with Robert
>>Redford for 1 million dollars?
>>
>>Wife: Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity!
>>
>>
>>
>>Then Dad asks his daughter if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1
>>million dollars?
>>
>>Daughter: Waow! Yes! This is my fantasy!
>>
>>
>>
>>So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: Would you sleep with
>>Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?
>>
>>Elder Son: Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million
>>dollars! I would never hesitate!
>>
>>
>>
>>So the father turns back to his younger son saying:
>>
>>
>>
>>You see son, "potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but
>>"in reality" we are living with 2 bitches and a gay!

:rofl2:

:rofl2:

:rofl2:

:rofl2:

hahaahhahhhhahaah omg...

KEEP Em coming bro.. this one is great!!