What is the best part of a bj (oral sex) when your married?
The five minutes of silence.
Da-dum...
The five minutes of silence.
Da-dum...
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Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
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A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. the driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me". The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "i'm very sorry, it's really not your fault at all. today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years
well i truly agree with u man exept on those two that i quoted.
first about the dance and sing thing. u have too look at that more deeply. i mean we truly care WAY to f*****in much on what other ppl think about us. f***** that man.
and about the ugly ppl gettin laid. if u have the money u can do anything. and i mean ANYTHING
first about the dance and sing thing. u have too look at that more deeply. i mean we truly care WAY to f*****in much on what other ppl think about us. f***** that man.
and about the ugly ppl gettin laid. if u have the money u can do anything. and i mean ANYTHING
I'm not sure if this was posted before. But I couldn't resist so here goes:
***
Has anyone actually built this code?
Gandalf: No! Don't ever use it!
Frodo: How do we know it's source to the One OS of the Dark Lord?
Gandalf tosses a CD-R into the burner, and burns Windows.Source.Code.w2k.nt4.wxp.tar onto it. When the CD is done, there are glowing
fiery letters on it.
Frodo : I can't read the fiery letters.
Gandalf : There are few who can. The language is that of Redmond, which I will not utter here. In the common tongue, it says "One OS
To Rule Them All, One OS To Find Them, One OS To Bring Them All And With The NDA Bind Them"
Frodo: Take the source code Gandalf!
Gandalf : Noo! Do not tempt me with it! I dare not take it! Not even to keep it safe! You must understand Frodo, that I would be
tempted to use this source code, for good. To disclose hidden API's, help the WINE project. But through me, all of open source would
be tainted, and the LawyerWraiths of The Dark Lord will sure destroy us.
Frodo : But it cannot stay here!
Gandalf : No, no it can't.
Frodo : What must I do?
Gandalf : It must be sent to the fires of /dev/null, where it will be undone, and we will be kept safe from the Lawyers of Evil.
So remember folks, don't download it, or look at it, or attempt to build it! It is evil, and answers only to the hand of The Dark One.
***
-S-
***
Has anyone actually built this code?
Gandalf: No! Don't ever use it!
Frodo: How do we know it's source to the One OS of the Dark Lord?
Gandalf tosses a CD-R into the burner, and burns Windows.Source.Code.w2k.nt4.wxp.tar onto it. When the CD is done, there are glowing
fiery letters on it.
Frodo : I can't read the fiery letters.
Gandalf : There are few who can. The language is that of Redmond, which I will not utter here. In the common tongue, it says "One OS
To Rule Them All, One OS To Find Them, One OS To Bring Them All And With The NDA Bind Them"
Frodo: Take the source code Gandalf!
Gandalf : Noo! Do not tempt me with it! I dare not take it! Not even to keep it safe! You must understand Frodo, that I would be
tempted to use this source code, for good. To disclose hidden API's, help the WINE project. But through me, all of open source would
be tainted, and the LawyerWraiths of The Dark Lord will sure destroy us.
Frodo : But it cannot stay here!
Gandalf : No, no it can't.
Frodo : What must I do?
Gandalf : It must be sent to the fires of /dev/null, where it will be undone, and we will be kept safe from the Lawyers of Evil.
So remember folks, don't download it, or look at it, or attempt to build it! It is evil, and answers only to the hand of The Dark One.
***
-S-
One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...
The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.
The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"
Not a joke as such, but:
There is a dumb guy (someone who can't speak) who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself ?
Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...
He just has to open his mouth and ask
There is a dumb guy (someone who can't speak) who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself ?
Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...
He just has to open his mouth and ask
