You guys wanna know something useful? Peanut butter is an excellent alternative to shaving cream. Seriously. It shaves so much smoother, causes no irritation, is much cheaper and actually moisturises your face. The only problem is that is sticks in your razor, but that's okay if you're gonna continue to use the PB.
N.B. Before you say this is off-topic, it's not. It's a stupid question because I know you guys never want to know anything useful.