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Welcome to the Sunnyvale Horseracing Track, I'm your announcer Richard Small. Before the race begins, lets have a look at the line up... In lane 1. Passionate Lady In lane 2. Bare Belly In lane 3. Silk Panties In lane 4. Conscience In lane 5. Jockey Shorts In lane 6. Clean Sheets In lane...

O-MY-GOD!

http://www.channel4.com/sport/football_italia/jun19d.html

There were two nuns.. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) , and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) . It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I...

Woman walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot she likes. Shop keeper says parrot used to live in a brothel, woman says it isn't a problem and buys it. On getting home the parrot says, "Fuck me, a new brothel." Woman finds it funny... Woman's two daughters come home and parrot says, "Fuck me...

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........?

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Teaching Maths In 1970 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Maths In 1980 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or £80. What is his profit? Teaching Maths In...

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES 1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the...

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper. The little girl says, "What's under there?" So the man answers, "A bird." The girl goes away and the man falls asleep. When he wakes up, he is in a...

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one...

The daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her out: " Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? you little tramp! Don't you know what you put...

Height of patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree. 2. Height of frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls. 3. Height of Innocence: A teenage girl applying pimplex on her nipples. 4. Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute. 5. Height...

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a...

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION . "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm...

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Cars in Nigeria now zoom the streets with stickers associated with the class the car belongs to. On most jeeps, you see the sticker: "the Lord has lifted me up" On S class, E-class, C-class, Honda & other cars in that category, you see the sticker: "I am the apple of God's eyes"...

There was this very rich Ibo man in Nnewi who had only one daughter. When the daughter was of marriage age, the father sent news around town, that all the eligible young men should come out on a particular day to compete in a test which would determine who was fit to marry his daughter. On that...