Who says hackers can't be hip? (1 Viewer)



Senior Member
Dec 31, 2000
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread Starter #2
    Completely unrelated, but too funny not to post here


    MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church

    By Hank Vorjes

    VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square
    this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the
    Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in
    exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock.
    If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software
    company has acquired a major world religion.

    With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior
    vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software
    Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and
    Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said
    MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.

    "We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to
    ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the
    Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for
    a broader range of people."

    Through the MICROSOFT Network, the company's new on-line service, "we
    will make the sacraments available on-line for the first time" and
    revive the popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice of selling
    indulgences, said Gates. "You can get Communion, confess your sins,
    receive absolution -- even reduce your time in Purgatory -- all without
    leaving your home."

    A new software application, MICROSOFT Church, will include a macro
    language which you can program to download heavenly graces
    automatically while you are away from your computer.

    An estimated 17,000 people attended the announcement in St Peter's
    Square, watching on a 60-foot screen as comedian Don Novello -- in
    character as Father Guido Sarducci -- hosted the event, which was
    broadcast by satellite to 700 sites worldwide.

    Pope John Paul II said little during the announcement. When Novello
    chided Gates, "Now I guess you get to wear one of these pointy hats,"
    the crowd roared, but the pontiff's smile seemed strained.

    The deal grants MICROSOFT exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and
    the Vatican's prized art collection, which includes works by such
    masters as Michelangelo and Da Vinci. But critics say MICROSOFT will
    face stiff challenges if it attempts to limit competitors' access to
    these key intellectual properties.

    "The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy scriptures,"
    said Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia. "You take the parting of
    the Red Sea -- we had that thousands of years before the Catholics came
    on the scene."

    But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw on a
    common Abrahamic heritage. "The Catholic Church has just been more
    successful in marketing it to a larger audience," notes Notre Dame
    theologian Father Kenneth Madigan. Over the last 2,000 years, the
    Catholic Church's market share has increased dramatically, while
    Judaism, which was the first to offer many of the concepts now touted
    by Christianity, lags behind.

    Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive competitor,
    leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to Catholicism, and
    entering into exclusive licensing arrangements in various kingdoms
    whereby all subjects were instilled with Catholicism, whether or not
    they planned to use it. Today Christianity is available from several
    denominations, but the Catholic version is still the most widely used.
    The Church's mission is to reach "the four corners of the earth,"
    echoing MICROSOFT's vision of "a computer on every desktop and in every

    Gates described MICROSOFT's long-term strategy to develop a scalable
    religious architecture that will support all religions through
    emulation. A single core religion will be offered with a choice of
    interfaces according to the religion desired -- "One religion, a couple
    of different implementations," said Gates.

    The MICROSOFT move could spark a wave of mergers and acquisitions,
    according to Herb Peters, a spokesman for the U.S. Southern Baptist
    Conference, as other churches scramble to strengthen their position in
    the increasingly competitive religious market.


    Copyright (c) 1994 Knight-Ridder / Tribune Business News
    Received via NewsEDGE from Desktop Data, Inc.: 03/07/94 19:20



    Senior Member
    Apr 22, 2003
    okay i got it... it'd be better if the sound quality was better, and the guy was a better singer, but maybe that's the point in some weird way :)

    is it meant to be a parody of another song? I don't seem to be able to recognise it


    Senior Member
    Dec 31, 2000
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread Starter #15
    No, I believe he wrote it himself in the spirit of hackerdom. In one of those movies (might have been "Revolution OS") there was a scene when they all joined hands and sung in a computer lab, looked like hippies.


    Senior Member
    Sep 30, 2003
    you guys believed that??????? jaysus!

    actually Martin I'm Catholic, and I'm quite offended! you should be ashamed!


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