Ladies and gentlemen, I announce to you the New World Order plan of Coalition 2060, developed by Michael Burke and myself.
The plan consists of the following:
1) Staging terror attacks to acquire capital. We shall send in local assets to bomb cities across the world, then pose as terrorist hunters to bring the bombers to justice. Once we catch our own bombers, governments will pay us millions of dollars that will be sent to offshore accounts and immediately be hedged by buying different foreign currencies and gold.
2) Buy an Island in the Southwest Pacific. The capital gains from staging terror will then be used to buy an island from either Indonesia or the Philippines. This island shall be no less than four square miles in area, and shall be rich with natural resources.
3) Establish sovereignty. The purchased island will become the new country of "Corey" through UN and Nato mandates. The local airstrip will be immediately leased to the US Military for use of building an air superiority base against China. The US shall pay Corey 5M Dollars per month along with the guaranteed deportation of several China Wok chefs to a country limited to one of 1) Corey and 2) No other nation, under the premise of the new "Good food for Corey" bill to be passed by the US Congress.
4) Buy bankrupt BP. Corey shall purchase BP p.l.c. and immediately liquidate all land assets including but not limited to refineries and natural gas depositories. Once all land assets are sold and capital is raised, CP will purchase all offshore oil wells and rigs, including those established by Diamond Offshore and Transocean LTD. The leftover capital will then be placed in the Bank of Corey under the name Albert Shamackallacker.
5) Establish sovereign defense system. All CP offshore rigs will be equipped with high-grade explosives at the Blowout Preventors of each rig. Any threat of an attack against Corey, both in writing and in actions determined to be threatening by the Corey Defense Specialists, shall result in the detonation of all oil rigs in the Pacific Ocean, the Gulf of the Mexico, the Indian Ocean, the Red Sea, the Black Sea, the North Sea, and all other drilling sites in every single ocean, bay, gulf and river of the entire world. Any threat, both financial and militaristic, shall be responded to swiftly and thoroughly with the explosion of thousands of oil rigs across planet Earth. Each rig will have a fail safe detonation key which will be activated upon impact of any weaponry or cyber attack to any location in Corey or any oil rig under our control.
This Coalition statement is effective immediately and scheduled to be completed by 2060.
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