Come on now man. I don't know you, and in all likeliness I probably never will never even be in the same nation as you at the same time, but you're living in a beautiful, functional first world country and married with a wife and child. People would kill to have what you have in life. I'm just some stranger on the internet on a forum you frequently get a lot of hate on, but you should seriously be reconsidering your life choices at this point while you still can. If not for you, then for your family.