***NEWS FLASH, NEWS FLASH***
China Removed From Competition in
Two Olympic Sports
Today the nation of China was removed from competition in two olympic sports. Their removal was based on their having a total unfair advantage. Of course these two sports are "Nationality Least Infected With Chronic Bronchitis While Living in Beijing," and "4x400 International Rice-Patty Picking Competition".
China was eliminated due to their having "doped" their players by having them grow up and live in China. The finalists, no matter the countries, will automatically exclude China.
Excluding China, the ones favored to finish top are as followed in the "Nationality Least Infected With Chronic Bronchitis While Living in Beijing" category: Israel is favored to win due to the common knowledge that Jews do not have lungs, Iran is second because they constantly breathe sand and thus, have strong bronchi. Following in third is the Sub-Nation of Hegha, which has the Helghast competing with total face-covering breathing technology.
Also the betting houses have the "4x400 International Rice-Patty Picking Competition" odds. These are set to have Canada winning due to their extreme penis-sucking ability, they are on their knees so much sucking penises that to be on their knees to pick rice will be little different. Second chosen is the grand country of Burma/Myanmar. They have been under water for such a great amount of time that being only 6 to 8 centimeters underwater to pick rice will be an almost absolute advantage. Third chosen to finish is Georgia. The reasoning behind this country chosen is quite odd. Georgia was claimed by one "Midzata" to be the first country to have water, both running and stagnant, ever. He of course recorded this in 3,000,000 BC. Because of this outlandish claim, Georgia has been picked third to finish in said sport.
Thank you for reading, Michael Bürke reporting, Beijing.
Sweet dreams bitches.