It really does. When my father was dying, I remember my aunt going absolutely nuts trying to convert him to Catholicism because she didn't want him to go to hell. I don't know how much she believed it, and how much she just needed something to concentrate on in order to make her feel better afterwards.
I'm sure she meant entirely well too, which is the strange thing.
Not as insane as when your father died, I must say.
I agree. But the last thing I would do is to be selfish when someone is dying or mourning. Feels immoral.
Obviously the one dying has the most leeway under the circumstances. But it would be inaccurate and even a bit unfair to suggest that the other people around the dying one aren't deeply wounded by the situation and may compensate in odd ways.
When my brother's wife died of cancer at the ripe age of 33, he basically shrugged off his family almost entirely and sought refuge in a church group who was very supportive. At the time I (and others in the family) was sort of offended, but in time I've understood that they offered some coping mechanisms he needed that he couldn't quite get with his direct family -- being a little too close to the situation.
my sympathies.
i take it the fight against cancer isn't going all that good?
Yeah, thanks. And no, it's not looking good. In some ways, while chemotherapy can work for some people, in others it serves as a bridge for people who haven't yet been able to accept the eventuality of death yet. I can sense my wife starting to change from being angry but still hopeful to inching her way closer to acceptance. The whole five stages thing. I am guessing her mom is further along than her, but she's still sticking it out for her daughter in part.
Yeah. It sucks, but it's life. It's amazing how far and wide the wave of effects are on a family. Cancer on one person really affects a broad swath of people in different ways.
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