I was born in South East Iraq in 1988. My parents were farmers but were both killed by angry chickens when I was three. I lived in an orphanage for a while but Eventually I escaped and swam to the Phillipines, where I was raised and educated by man eating-gorillas. I
became the leader of a save-the-rainforest cult and was soon deported. After a few years running a sweetsfactory in California, US, my house was stormed by the FBI and I ended up shooting 72 police officers dead. I thought it would be best to leave the area following that incident, so I fled to Mexico, where I ate bananas and learned Spanish. I can't remember what happened after that, but now I'm in holland