The Secret Diary of Don Juan Capello [Collection] (27 Viewers)

[Bozi]

Episode 41

locked away in his room petrified to leave in case he is attacked, fabby's growing insanity has seen him become a recluse. only trusted members of his squad and the ocational gay-arse are allowed into his room. late in the evenng he is alseep, his dreams have been becoming dtranger and stranger...

Fabby steps forward from a dark room to find himself confronted by a one-eyed dwarf
Fabby-"my god you are an ugly little bastard, you make galliani look handsome"
Dwarf-"hguorht og tsum uoy"
fabby-"ugly and stupid?must be related to ronaldo"
Dwarf-"uoy gnitcepxe neeb sah eh,ybbaF"
Fabby-"you dont make any sense,what do you want?"
the dwarf opens a curtain and ushers fabby in
Dwarf-"ssabmud nickuf"
Sitting at a table is a man with a head made of two snakes, the snake heads look like moratti and berlusconi
Cuntface-"fabby,you must not let lippi win"
Baldiesconi-"you must get out of the room now and search for the man who calls himself rabesh"
Fabby-"what significance does have to deep throat?"
Baldiesconi-"if you capture him the resistance will fall"
Fabby-"am i still in danger?"
Cuntface-"look for the water from the sky"
Fabby-"water?what do you mean?"
Dwarf-"pu ekaw...pu ekaw.....PU EKAW"

suddenly Fabby wakes up...fabio c is standing over his bed
Fabby-"i have gotta get up and find Rab"
Fabio C-"what did you say boss?"
Fabby-" i have to find the man called rab...the two headed snake told me so"
Fabio C-"that wasnt a two headed snake, you had tonino and becks in here"
Fabby-"no the dwarf and the snake told me to go find him and look out for water from the sky"
Fabio C-"ok now you really have gone crazy,sorry boss"
Fabio C pushes a needle into his bosses arm and delivers a sedative, he leaves the room and picks up the phone
Fabio C-" alex...we need to move quickly"

Will fabby remember his dream?what was that all about? will he manage to prevent the piss-baloon attack?or will he finally get what he deserves?find out more in future instalments

Cuntface-"he may be able to answer the questions

 

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[Bozi]

Episode 42

fabby has re-woken but has not forgotten the strange dream, he knows he must find Rabesh...whoever he is. suddenly emerson breaks the door open and runs inside, he appears excited
Fabby-"emo,what is the meaning of this....and why do you have a stonking great erection?"
Emerson-"i got one boss, i got one"
Fabby-"you mean you caught one of the crabs that were making you itch again?"
Emerson-"no, the doctorr said the only way is to trim off all my body hair,he says that he has never seen so many on one person"
Fabby-"so....you are smooth like a schoolboy eh??"
Emerson-"not now boss,i caught one of the rebels"
Fabby-"how did you manage that?"
Emerson-"well,i got suspicious about that rent boy i have been plowing like a field. he always asked too many questions. anyway i followed him and found him relaying information about our plans, i pounced and cought them"
Fabby-"excellent work my little gonad gobbler. lets go see what he has to say"

tied up in a chair in the basement of the benrnabeu stadium,rehan is a bloody pulp. he has refused to talk and has been worked over very badly, fabby and emo enter the room
Fabby-"what is your name?"
Rehan-"in project menace,we have no names"
Fabby-"what is your plans?what do they plan to do next?"
Rehan-"screw you capello,you pinch faced fucker,i will never talk"
Fabby-"who is rabesh?"
Rehan-"the man screwing your mother?"
emerson smacks rehan in the jaw
Rehan-"nothing you do will ever make me sell out my brothers"
Fabby-"damnit,i will come back later when you have broken him. i am gonna go see the players, i called them in to train in the stadium today...nowhere else is safe enough"
fabby storms out and walks out to the field to conduct a brutal training session
Fabio C-"pssst,rehan"
Rehan-"how do you know my name?"
Fabio C-"i am gonna make it look like you escaped, get out of here now"
Rehan-"you should too, they are gonna fire the catapult any second now"
Fabio C-"aye i know i have it covered, now go....."

meanwhile in turin rab, alex and the troops are preparing the launch
alex-"ok boys this is the moment we ahve been working towards, a massive 30,000 litres of piss are abput to be launched at fabby and his buch of arse merchants"
Rab-"big props to burke,fliakis and aaron who have supplied many litres of beer induced pissing so that we can finish ahead of target, oh and abu who also drunk non-alchohol beer just to help contribute"
Pado-"co-ordinates are set,baloons are loaded and ready to go"
Rab-"commence countdown,10....9....8.....7....6....5.....4......3.....2.....1..."
Alex-"FIRE"

in the bernabeu
Ruud-"clump clump"
Ronaldo-"yes it has gotten dark awful quickly"
Becks-"is it time for bed now?"
Tonino-"whats that?it looks like a giant baloon?"

will the piss baloon hit the desired target?will fabby and his team drown in a mass pool of urine?will rehan get out on time?will fabio c 's deception ever be discovered? find ut more in future instalments of fabio's diary

 

[Bozi]

Episode 43

Alex has been having a bad dream he wakes suddenly to hear a lot of shouting and screaaming from the barracks where all the troops reside. disturbed he rushes through to find all the troops sitting drinking beer and watching the news on TV

TV-"breaking news- we have been following the latest develpoments in madrid where a kind of terror attack has taken place. a giant piss baloon was fired at the bernabeu stadium, we are not sure yet if there are any fatalities but we do know that first team coach fabio capello has gotten out alive. in fact we can talk to him now"
Reporter-"well mr capello can you talk me through what happened?"
Fabby-"well we were having a rather punishing training session. the sweat was glistening off the players bodies like stallions in the spanish sun, when all of a sudden we seen this giant baloon heading for us"
reporter-"the piss baloon"
Fabby-"no you shithole smasher,the hindenburg....anyway all of a sudden we were awash wish urine, just like in my old days in rome when emerson,panucci and me would share a golden shower. i was panicking but then we all boarded ronaldo, he was like a giant life raft in a sea of piss"
Reporter-"so you all made it?"
Fabby-"well all but ronnie,every time he tried to breathe he nearly knocked one of us in. we are actively trying to revive him by waving a big mac and fries under his nose"
Reporter-"well there you have it, Real madrid,drownings and a shock admission of homo-erotic facials......back to the studio"

Back in turin the boys erupt in glory...however alex is not happy
Alex-"oh my god,what have you guys done?"
Pado-"sir the first rule of project menace is dont ask questions sir, the second is do anything to screw fabby over"
Alex-" i am aware of the rules, but a man may have lost his life there"
Rab-"can i talk to you in private?"
alex and rab go into another room
Rab-"dont be mad, they were simply following orders...our orders"
Alex-" but i didnt imagine anyone would get hurt,first lippi,now macdonalds will need a new hamburglar"
Rab-"that fat cunt will pull through dont worry, he will die on the shitter like elvis. what is wrong, you seem tired"
Alex-"i need guidance,man i feel like i havent slept in weeks. this is all getting on top of me"

is alex about to snap?will fat ronnie make a miraculous recovery or will they ahve to add a McChicken nuggets to the deal to revive him? will fabby reveal more of his shady sex fetishes to the press? stay tuned for more

 

[Bozi]

Episode 44

Alex has woken to find that all the "juventuz" soldiers are gone, the barracks are empty,pado's shoe collection has gone,elvins sticky-cased porn stash has been taken and vlatko's rubber ruby sex-doll has lefr. he enters into the main room to find that all the plans have been laid bear, he is shocked to see dossiers on a shit cannon for the real madrid team bus,scalping silvio baldiesconi and worst of all a plan to castrate massimo "cuntface"moratti he quickly calls Fabio C
Alex-Fabio,fabio,they plan on blowing the team bus over with a shit-cannon that has the power to make your team stink worse than inter"
Fabio C-"dont worry it is all taken care of"
Alex-"arent you worried after what happened?"
Fabio C-"no...i knew it was coming...we co-ordinated......and dont worry ronaldo has recovered, he was sitting up in bed ordering some KFC last night"
Alex-"look you are playing adangeropus game, how long till the shit cannon hits?"
Fabio C-"i will be informed on the day,are you ok?why dont you remember us talking?"
Alex-"i am not so sure it was me who was talking to you"
alex slams down the phone and drives all the way to cuntfaces office, he is met in reception by zlatan
Zlatan-"what are you doing here? boss says he only wanted the juventini with the big willies"
Alex-"you gotta get moratti, i fear that he is going to be abducted and have his balls removed"
Zlatan-"what makes you say that?"
Alex-"i may have inadvertantly become head of a terror organisation who's sole aim is to screw over fabio capello and anyone that screwed with juve"
Zlatan-"dont worry sir...its all under control"
Alex-"what?are you involved?"
Zlatan-"yes my loyalty was bought with promises of revenge of fabby,i have big plans for his anus"
Alex-"how?why?"
Zlatan-"well sir it was you who recruited me,it was you who gave me this...."
zlatan drops his trousers to show a tattoo of a zebra ass-fooking capello,alex realises he has the same
Alex-"oh my god....what is my name?"
Zlatan-"in project mena..."
Alex-"screw that, what is my name?"

what alex hears now shocks him to the core,he runs for miles till he reaches the base again, inside rab is waiting for him
Alex-"why do people think i am you?"
Rab-"because we are the same person"
Alex-"no, you are rabesh, you style yourself on me but you are just another delpie fan on an internet forum"
Rab-"no, you joined the forum in the guise of me to gauge public opinion of yourself. you play in the first team, i lead the army"
Alex-NO NO NO NO"

are alex and rab the same person?will rab's evil plans work?will the shit cannon find its target or will alex find a way to stop it?what will they do with cuntfaces balls?.........

 

[Bozi]

Episode 45

Alex has holed himself away from the world, too scared of what his alter ego Rab will do, too scared to read any more reports of what the terror group he has started has done. he desides to go for a moonlit stroll to try and clear his mind, when all of a sudden a figure appears in the clouds

Lippi-"alex, you have frgotten me alex"
Alex-"no i have not forgotten boss, i just cant live up to your genius"
Lippi-"snap yourself out of it boy, you have work to do"
Alex-"what can i do they already kidnapped cuntface and tried to castrate him but he has no genitals at all. they have deficated the bernabeu's main entrance with a gas-propelled shit cannon and worst of all they posed as doctors and tried to force becks to check the prostates of all his teammates with his chipolata"
Lippi-"what happened?"
Alex-"it was a waste of time, he voluntered and they all lined up. they enjoyed it so much that its a weekly ritual now"
Lippi-"you must be strong and cease this now. the way to get capello is from within his own ranks"
Alex-"i can't, this Rab character is too strong and he has caused too much mayhem"
Lippi-"then you have to stop him"
Alex-"but how?"
Lippi-"paolo montero is on his way to see you,he is going to perform an exorcism on you to rid you of Rab"
Alex-"and if it does not work?"
Lippi-"then he will kick you so hard up the arse you will wake up in 2008"
suddenly the image of lippi fades
Alex-"boss,boss,BOSS, wait i still have many questions...."

will the montero exorcism work?will becks tiny penis reach far enough to actually trigger a prostate reaction?is cuntface really a split-arse?how does bozi come up with this?more to follow on the diary of pinch-face....

 

[Bozi]

Episode 46

Alex wakes up from a deep slumber, he is sore, confused and sitting at the end of his bed is a solemn looking paolo montero. the last thing he remembers is paolo grabbing him after Juve's last match and tellign him it was time

Alex-"my head is killing me,ow and the rest of me is sore...what the hell happened?"
Paolo-"well, i had to figure out what i was dealing with capitano...and i was gravely disturbed by what i found out"
Alex-"how do you mean?"
Paolo-"first i went to our old friend pavel, he said that mid-training you seemed to shift personality and became obsessed with your hair"
Alex-"thats just me"
Paolo-"your pubic hair....."
Alex-"ohhhhhh,damn. what else?"
Paolo-"then i spoke to gigi,he said that you started admiring your own naked body in the mirror a hell of a lot more"
Alex-"well i am a well sculpted male"
Paolo-"you were holding a camcorder and saying 'come on delpie its your birthday' as you ran your hands over your nakedness"
Alex-"really?jeez this rab really had the hots for me eh?"
Paolo-"then i spoke to treze, he said he caught you in the locker room fooking your own predators"
Alex-"i....i....i.....dont know what to say, i remember nothing"
Paolo-"then do you remember asking your wife to wear your shirt that you wore when you scored against real madrid in the CL while you had sex,shouting that delpie is king of the world?"
Alex-"sure i do, that is every thursday, on a monday i dress as spartacus for her. what has that got to do with anything?"
Paolo-"never mind, anyway i came and tried to reason with this rab to let go of you. it was not worth it"
Alex-"so what did you do?"
Paolo-"i kicked the shit out of you so hard until you split in two, he ran off into the night with his dick in a pair of your boots screaming 'i am delpie,world champ, kiss my ring' but my main concern was you so i let him go till you come around"
Alex-"so where do we go from here?"
Paolo-"well,there is someone here who wants to see you"
the door opens and in walks Lippi
Alex-"boss, i am sorry...i let you down"
Lippi-"come now alex my child. you should know that you can never let me down, you are my warrior"
Alex-"so what happens now?"
Paolo-"i must go, there are many who need my help to kick them back into reality"
Lippi-"thank you paolo, now alex, you must rest....we have work to do"

what is lippi's plans?does alex have the strength to fight?who will paolo savage next?and is rab still running naked stroking ale's predators or has the jizzle run over the tongue? all this and more to follow

 

[Bozi]

Episode 49

fabby ahs finally been freed from his brown,fudgy prison and has begun work on his list of tranfer targets, he is submitting his list to pedrag mihatibitch and is nervous about what he will say

Pedrag-"fabby my old colon cowboy, how are you doing?"
Fabby-"i am fine, just getting feeling back into my arm though"
Pedrag-"i hear that fabio c has been suffering post traumatic stress disorder since he was forced to dislodge you with a power hose and a pool cue"
fabby-"he claims he is getting flashbacks of tonino's prolapsed bowel wrapped around my wrist"
pedrag-"anyway, i hear you want rid of becks?"
Fabby-"he works too hard, is too enthusiastic and is not willing to go linda lovelace on me"
pedrag-"so....who is in your list?"
fabby-"christiano ronaldo,freddie lungberg,kaka and ...em jolien lescott"
Pedrag-"who?"
fabby-"lescott...he plays for everton"
Pedrag-"can you explain why you want these players?"
Fabby-"ronaldo is an amazing player"
Paedrag-"agreed"
Fabby-"freddie, while injury hit, is exciting and an inpact player"
Pedrag-"go on"
Fabby-"kaka is a superstar that will amke the club a fortune"
Paedrag-"agreed,but i dont understand the desire for lescott"
Fabby-"they all look like faggots...eh sorry i mean they are all encouraging players that would make a big impact in the club"
Pedrag-"and on your anus i presume?"
Fabby-"if i am lucky"

will afbby get the players he desires?why wont becks let fabby anally rape him, after all he lets vicky do it every evening?will fabby last till teh end of the season?and will fabio c ever rid himself of the graphic images of fabby deep fisting the boys? all this will continue when fabbys diary continues

 

[Bozi]

Episode 47

fabby has called his players back to training after the festive period and is working them very hard. he is preparing his players for their return to action against deportivo with personal training plans

Fabby-"ok gather round you bunch of shithole surfers"
Fabio C-"you heard the boss,get your cum-filled cheeks over here"
Fabby-"right then guys i trust you had a good christmas,its time for some hard work"
Becks-"santa was good to me,i got a pretty shiny thing"
Fabby-"shut up or you will get a spliced ring"
Fabio C-"ok boss what do you want us to do?"
Fabby-"Ruud i want you to go for a run"
Ruud-"clump clump"
Fabby-"not so fast there horse face, i want you to run for 20 furlongs, fabio i want you to be jockey"
Fabio C-under his breath"makes a change, normally you want to mount him you damned knob jockey"
Becks-"what do you want me to do boss?"
Fabby-"i want you to go home, you dont need to train hard to sit on a bench"
Becks-"oh please boss there must be something i can do"
Fabby-"well you could go to inter, they have a good line in taking overrated, overinflated shitheaps and making them rich"
Becks-fighting back tears"you are a big mean old man"
Fabby-"now ronnie you big fat shit, get over here"
Ronnie-"sorry i am late boss, there was a big line at the drive thru"
Fabby-"take that burger out of your mouth, put on this bin bag,leather trousers and hat then go sit in the steam room for the next 7 hours till you sweat off a stone you fat shit"
Ronnie-" i am not so fat"
Fabby-"you cant even jump to head a ball, the last tme i seen something your size take off it had a NASA rocket strapped to its arse"
Ronnie-"but boss...."
Fabby-"if you dont lose a stone in the next 2 weeks i swear i am gonna plunder your pooper till the jizzle is running out of your mouth"
Ronnie-"ok ok ok i will go"
Tonino-"and me boss?boss"
Fabby-"go train with the kids, i have no need for you. right boys lets get a move on"

will fabby get the boys in shape before the big match? will ronnie be able to resist a happy meal on his way home? will victoria allow becks to move to a new club?and will ruud gallop into the sunset with fabio on his back?stay tuned

 

[Bozi]

Episode 48

Fabby has been working his players extremely hard in the build up to their return to action, so he has given them a day off and given them some time to relax. on sunday morning Fabio C has entered the real locker room and is shocked to find that fabby has been locked in overnight with some of his "special" player

Fabby-"HELLO is soebody there?"
Fabio C-"boss, is that you?where are ya?"
Fabby-"i am locked in the shower room"
Fabio C-"well where are the keys?"
Fabby-"in my trousers, on your side of the room. you are gonna have to break the door in"
Fabio C-"well, why didnt you do that?"
Fabby-"wel....we kinda have another problem"
Fabio C-"what kind of problem???"
Emerson-"we are stuck"
Fabio C-"stuck?yeah i know you are stuck in a room"
Tonino-"no, he means really stuck"
Fabby-"you know how when 2 dogs get it on...they can get ....stuck together??"
Fabio C-"jesus you got stuck shoving each others shit in?"
Fabby-"worse, i was making room and slipped, got my arm stuck in to the elbow"
Emerson-"i have had this gonad fondler tickling my prostate for 7 hours straight, my balls resemble a couple of sun dried raisins"
Fabio C-"why doesnt tonino help?"
Fabby-"he is an idiot and thought it was a game, he is elbow deep in my greasy shit hole also"
Fabio C-"man this is bad, no-one was around t help you?"
Fabby-"well becks came in earlier and when he seen what had happened he phoned vicky straight away and said he had something new to try and left us here"
Fabio C-"damnit, i dont wanna see this but i will break down the door with my eyes closed, after that you are on your own"
Tonino-"come on fabio, i want my turn to be analy elbowed"
Fabby-"the only thing going in your arse will be my foot you imbecile"
Fabio C-"ok guys here goes, 1....2.....3.....ARGHHHHHHH!!"
fabio runs full speen with his eyes closed but slips on some lube that fabby had left on the floor, slips and crashes into the wall
Fabby-"fabio?fabio?shit, now we are in trouble"
emerson-"what do we do now boss?"
Fabby-"i will do what i should have done,phone cuntface moratti"
Tonino-"why boss, to ask if he wants me in inter?"
Fabby-"no, because he has been in this situation before and will know how to get me out"

will fabby and his players get out in time for the game?will fabio recover from his head knock to play?will emerson have any jizzle left,or will he be like a catrati for the rest of his life?all this and more when fabbys diary continues

 

[Bozi]

Episode 54

fabby is in deep trouble, his team are not performing and with a champions league game to come against Bayern his top players are losing confidence in him. they call a supersecret meeting in a dingy back alley bar

Fabio C-"right lads, we all know why we are here dont we?"
Becks-"wait a minute this isnt the madrid gay district...Vicky s gona be real dissapointed when i dont come home with style tips for her from Astral the drag queen"
Emerson-"i know why we are here, we ahve a big game coming and fabby ahs lost the plot completely"
Ruud-"clump,clump"
Fabio C-"aye i know you wish you had stayed in manchester, i wish i had stayed in Turin"
Ruud-"clump,clump.clump"
Emerson-"Alex ferguson was gonna put you out to stud?why did you come here"
Ruud-"clumpity clump"
Becks-"yeah you probably did get ridden more here by fabby"
Raul-"so, against bayern, i suggest we play absolutely terrible, fall over at every opportunity and genarally underperform"
Becks-"i would but i am not able to play"
Fabio C-"well i have been doing that all season, this sint a new plan at all"

suddeenyl a noise from teh back of the bar startles them

Fabio C-"shit we were followed, split up and move out GO GO GO"

fabio and becks run west along the back streets, they are being followed and since becks cant run fast they are being closed on. suddenly they hit a dead end

Becks-OH MY GODcries like a girl i seen him in the shadows,he is wearing a purple real madrid top"
Fabio C-"so?whats the problem with that?"
Becks-"havent you heard there is a mad man running around stabbing people in the eye, he wears a purple top and is kows as teh purple shirted eye stabber"
FabioC-"dont be stupid he does not exist, vicky just tells you that to stop you from trolling the streets looking for a cheap ride"
Becks-"then why is he hiding in the shadows?"
Fabio C-"i dont know, come out you cockmonger"

suddenly the person steps forward and fabio catches his eye and sees he is carrying a weapon in his hand

Fabio C-"oh god, this is bad do you see that weapon in his hand?"
Becks-"oh no i told you its the purple shirted eye stabber"
Fabio C-"no,its worse,much worse. its Fabby-the purple eyed shit stabber"

will faby violate fabio and becks?will becks enjoy it even more than wearing a sarong?did fabby overhear teh players revolt?stay tuned for more from fabbys diary

 

[Bozi]

Episode 50:thumbs:

Fabby has reached his wits end, his team are floundering, they are playing rubbish and its everyone elses fault but his. on top of that he cannot get rid of fat ronny,cassano and all the other palyers who actually add something to his team. he calls for fabio c and asks for some ideas

Fabby-"fabio my strong man, where did it all go wrong?"
Fabio C-"well you intolerable spunk bucket,it could be because you have bombed out becks already, he was the one player who put in some effort"
Fabby-"i will do things my way"
Fabio C-"i know and its the same as last year as juve, how do you manage to win things when you refuse to see sense, play the best players or change formation when things dont work out"
Fabby-"NO,NO,NO...its teh players and if you dont be quiet i will sell you too"
Fabio C-"what a shame that would be, look you asked for my opinion, what is this all about?"
Fabby-"its fatty, we need to slim him down. i tried to give him away and there were no takers"
Fabio C-"try offering them tonino as well"
Fabby-"tried that, they slammed the phone down on me. no what we need to do is stop him eating so many burger kings and pizzas, there must be a way we can get him out of there"
Fabio C-"i think i know just the man"

an hour later and fabby is on a conference call with a man from villarreal
Fabby-"thanks for speaking with me"
Tacchinardi-"shut it you damned chocolate poker, i only agrred to speak to you so that i can tell you i would never work for you, no matter how much money you offer"
Fabio C-"listen to him alessio, he has a proposition that you will find too tempting to turn down"
Fabby-"we have a problem with your old nemesis fat ronny,the team doctor reckons its only a metter of months before he dies on the shitter like elvis did"
Tacchi-"tough shit"
Fabby-"no, heart attack.....anyway i want you to stop him from eating any fast food,you can do whatever you want to stop him"

an hour later and ronaldo is standing in line at a KFC, sweating profusely and awaiting his order
Ronaldo-"can i have a baargain bucket,with extra fries and a diet coke"
suddenly a voice from behind startles him
Tacchi-"and i side order of my foot in your ass"
Ronaldo-"no way, what are yu doing here?"
Tacchi-" i am your new personal trainer, now step away from the counter and the bucket,from now on its healthy eating or i get to kick your fat ass back into shape"
Ronaldo-"how much is fabby paying you?i will double it"
Tacchi-"when he said i could kick your ass, i ssaid i would do it for free, lets go fatty"

will tacchi and fabbys uneasy alliance hold?will fat fonie swallow alessios foot? is there any club, anywhere, dumb enough to take tonino?all this and more to follow

 

[Bozi]

Episode 51

nightfall in a quiet area of madrid,fabby should eb in bed but emerson the gimp has broken free and is tearing the house apart looking for an escape

fabby-"emo,emo....where are you?look i brought out the love beads for you, we can use them together"
Emo-"with the size of your poop-chute it would be better using snooker balls on a string"
Fabby-"you think i could get those custom made?"
Emo-"i dont care anymore,i cant do this anymore fabby. when you asked me to join you in madrid i thought of us spending the last days of my playing career surrounded by quality players, playing good football and you learning from your mistakes. instead i have atken the place of tonino as chief gimp and midfield anchorman"
Fabby-"i dont make mistakes, its all the players fault"
emo-"no, you ask too much of them and dont play to their strengths,they are tired"
Fabby-"tired?tired,they ahve no stamina. back when i was a player i would play a full league campaign, visit the flourishing gay scene at night, get buggered by 2 sailors and still have energy to go back for more"
Emo-"times change, its even different from when you were manager at milan, you knackered van basten"
Fabby-"oh aye milan, taht ruud gullits moustache certainly tickled my bawbag on more than one occasion"
Emo-"see you dont listen, i am sick of this and to add insult to injury you got tachi to boot ronny up the arse, there are at least 12 first team members here who wanted that job. i .......i....i want out"
Fabby-"you want out?fine go, i will get buy ronaldo from manure,lescott,anyone taht is willing to be a hard man on the pitch and a rectal raider off it"
Emo-"then i can be no part of it"
Fabby-"wel then tomorrow mornig report for training with becks, ttonino and fat ronny"
Emo-"it would be a pleasure"

has fabby finally lost the plot?will emerson leave real?will mijatovic have problems signing players with fabbys "special training methods"?has bozi got over his creative block and ready to post more?only one way to find out, stay tuned for the next exciting instalment of fabbys diary

 

[Bozi]

Episode 52

fabby is taking training when all hell ahs broken loose, tonino is going crazy from training on his own with becks and fatty. he has finally snapped and is offering allcomers a square-go

Tonino-"come on then you bunch of poop-chute-pot-holers, i will take all of you manky bastards on,come on...have it"
fabby-"tonino calm down and stop fighting with the youth team players, these 12 year olds are being groomed for teh future"
Tonino-"just like you groomed me eh?here tonino, come join my club.here tonino, we will do an intense training session. here tonino, do you know how to lick a lollypop?because of you i have no control of my bowels, i shit my pants on a daily occurance due to my oversized anus"
Fabby-"come now tonino, i know you dont mean it. stop standing on that poor childs neck and i will let you ride the great pink fabby helter-skelter"
Tonino-"no,i have had enough. i want out"
Fabby-"then you will be allowed to go, if you can find a club desperate enough to take you"
Tonino-"i wish i had never come here"

meanwhile over in milan manky bastard mancini and cuntface moratti are having a meeting
Manky-"boss i need to talk to you"
Cuntface-"what is up oh effeminate one?"
Manky-"i am dissapointed boss, i have been reading that ronaldo is moving to milan. why are we not in the hunt for him?"
Cuntface-"do you want him?i will buy him if you want him?"
manky-"oh yes boss tat would be great"
Cuntface-"ok, all you have to do is tell me who goes,zlatan,adriano or cruz?"
Manky-"what??why cant we get rid of il chino?"
Cuntface-"dont make me bitch-slap you. dont ever say that shit again"
Manky-"i dont get it boss, why do you keep him?he is overpaid,overrated and underused"
Cuntface-"he....he..is...the father of my children"
Manky-"you what?he slept with your wife?"
Cuntface-"no, you dont understand, i dont just have a cunt for a face"
Manky-"you are a she-male?half and half?"
Cuntface-"no dickwad, i m not an ugly man, i am an incredibly ugly woman"

what does cuntfaces revelation mean for his relationship with his coach? how desperate was recoba to shag moratti?will ronaldo have to be flown over to milan in a hercules army plane?will fabby have any plyers willing to share his vision,or his bed? all this and more when the next riveting episode of fabbys diary is printed

 

[Bozi]

Episode 53

all is good in fabbys world, he has managed to oflload fatty and is managing to shape his team in his plain,unentertaining,one dimentional way. however despite all this he is calle dinto teh office of mijatbitch, who looks pissed

Fabby-"hey there pedrag my old sphincter stuffer"
Mijatobitch-"dont sphincter stuffer me,i am well pissed at you"
Fabby-"why chief what is wrong?we are doing well in the league,still in teh champions league and the fans seem to have taken to me"
Mijatobitch-"what gives you that impression?"
Fabby-"teh otehr day at training they were all waving their hankies at me,they must have heard of my legendary melon sized gonads"
Mijatobitch-"shut up fool,listen why did you make us sell ronaldo?"
Fabby-"he was fat, lazy,ugly and he had questionable personal hygiene"
Mijatobitch-"yes but he made us lots of money, now we are stuck with 50,000 of these authentic real madrid ronaldo blimps, see you inflate them and deflate them depending on his balooning weight"
Fabby-"shit how big do those things go?"
Mijatobitch-"thats not the point, with zizou retired and ronnie gone we need to maximise our earning through our current squad. emerson hair nets are struggling,ruud van nistelhorse tooth paste never took off and teh less said about raul dummies the better, the only product selling fast is david beckham anal lube"
Fabby-"yeah i stocked up for a few years"
Mijatobitch-"well you have forced ronnie out, now you must pay the price, if you dont get a big earner in teh door , you will have to start playing tonino"
Fabby-"what teh hell?why,why,why???"
Mijatobitch-"well the offers are flying in for merchandise"
Fabby-"for that craggy faced ugly cunt?"
Mijatobitch-"we have the antonio casanno garbage pail kid doll,if you dont give him attention every two seconds it spits, swears and kicks you"
Fabby-"surely not, anything else?"
Mijatobitch-"also he is in high demand from clearasils new, life without clearasil campaign and show his face as how ugly teh world is without their cream"
Fabby-"i refuse"
Mijatobitch-"well fabby, this club cares only about money, so eitehr get a star name or start to play the petulant one"

will fabby regret letting ronnie go?will he be forced to play teh little brat?how much anal lube does fabby need?all this and more in future instalments

 

[Bozi]

Episode 55

despit his back door raidings fabby is still in a job at madrid,only becks is happy as his ass-canning gave him a place back in the starting 11. over in milan, everything is rosy for cuntface moratti and co, until he recieves a suspicious package in the post he summons manky bastard and ibra

Cuntface-"ok guys i have been sent what looks like aletterbomb,manky bastard i want you to open it"
Mancini-"but boss why?if it is a bomb it will destroy my beautiful effeminate looks"
Cuntface-"as long as you look good from the rear i dont give a damn noew open it"
slowly and with great care mancini opens the envelope,sweat trickling down his face
Ibra-"BOOM"
mancini screams like a girl and collapses to the floor, cuntface wlaks over and slaps him tll he awakens
Ibra-"it looke like letter mr boss man"
Cuntface-"well read it to me dumnb-dumb"
Ibra-"de-ar mr cu...cun...cahn,help me mr macini"
Mancini-"ntface"
Ibra-"cun"
Mancini-"ntface....is taht calling you cuntface?"
Cuntface-"aye...not many people know me by that name"
Ibra-"its funny coz it true...see you have a face like well-worn vagina hahahha!"
Cuntface-"give me the damn letter."
Cuntface reading out loud
dear mr cuntface,
i know what you did you cheating bastard and you will pay. juve will get their scudetti back and you will eb the one to admit that inter are the cheating bastards!i am gonna use my 17" strap-on and make you bleed, make you scream and make you confess that juve were wrongly done by you prostate-potholer.

Cuntface-"its from a signore dildo"
Mancini-"how do you know that boss?"
Cuntface-"well, its signed signore dildo, then it looks like he has rolled a 17 inch strap-on in ink and slapped it on the paper as a calling card"
mancini-"what do we do boss?"
Cuntface-"i dont know"
Mancini-"will you give this to police?"
Cuntface-"i dont know...it starts off threatening then it sounds like a love letter i would write to..."
suddenly the door bursts open and in runs vieira
vieira-"boss,boss,someone has sodomised javier zanetti and left his bleeding from his anus in the shower room"
Mancini-" that is awful, do we know who did it?"
Vieira-"no, but on his cheeks there is an ink impression of a rather large strap-on slappeed acroos his ass"

who is the mysterious signore dildo?will cuntface cream his pants in anticipation of his meeting?will vieira want to compare girth with him? and how long till fabby gets fired at madrid?all this and more in future instalments of the diary

 

[Bozi]

Episode 56

Despite extensive checks Cuntface and Manky have never discovered teh true identity of the mysterous Signore Dildo. several first team members have been attacked and have been left so traumatised they have almost caused Inter to miss their main priority of the season.....the coppa italia.
disturbed, cuntface has summoned manky bastard to his office

Cuntface-"mancini you fucking imbecile, i have kept you in employment for only one reason over teh past few years....do you kow what that is?"
Manky-"because i have the anus of a seven year old buy?"
Cuntface-"those days have long gone you old arsehole-attacker. no, the reason i kept you employed is because the only thing you can win without my intervention is the coppa italia. the poor, insignificant coppa that no-one else takes seriously, but not me...i love that trophy, i have grown attatched to it over the years. it was the only trophy i could win fairly, while milan and juve were chasing scudetti we were playing our strongest 11 in the coppa"
Manky-what do you mean without assitance?"
Cuntface-"without my intervention and giudo rossi, do you really think you would have won the scudetto this season?"
Manky-"why....of course...we had the strongest squad"
Cuntface-"we always had the strongest squad.....yet you still arsed it up. i tell you we made it so that even a monkey could have won the title this year"
Manky-"did you just call me a monkey?thats it, my anus is off-limits till i recieve an apology"
Cuntface-"your anus?pah.....i have the sweetest piece of ass west of bangkock.....on the telephone-cambiasso...get in here......"

there is silence on the other end of the line
Cuntface-"cambiasso.....cambiasso.....get your pert arse in here"
Cuntface storms over to the office door and swings it open, on the other side cambiasso is unconscious, slumped over a chair with a large dildo shaped ink mark over his arse
Cuntface-"you see what this bastard has done??he has crossed the line this time"
Manky-"so....i am off the hook just now chief?"
cuntface-"for fuck sake you ass-monkey get out of my way, i ahve work to do"

maenwhile over in madrid, fabby is having a "meeting" with several first team players

Fabby-"did you hear that?i swear i just made a cum-fart in becks colon hahahha"
Emerson-"like a fanny-fart from aladies bits?"
Fabby-"a what?"
Emerson-"you know....when it sounds like a womans minge is passing wind ...with all the cum in it"
fabby-"you are disgusting...get the fuck out of my sight"
cassano-"hhmmphhh,aaahhh hammmpsh hpmmmh"
fabby-"take your tomgue out of becks anus and talk sense"
Cassano-"sorry chief i was saying that he should not be allowed in our special group for even thinking something so sick"
Becks-"whats a minge?"
Fabby-"see what you have done now...you made becks think...are you happy with yourself now?"
Emerson-"sorry chief...i will go"

will signore dildo strike again? will becks ever find out what a minge is, or will he be content with vickys penis? will moratti sack manky for not winning the coppa italia? only time will tell...........more to follow

 

[Bozi]

Episode 57

Disgruntled at being dismissed by Real Madrid despite delivering them the title, Fabby has given up on the management game and gone into TV analysis. However, his heart longs for the thrill of turning an exciting team into a bunch of drones and proving that his ethos of team bonding and shagging his star players is a winning combination.
Moving through the streets of Milan he is on his way to a "secret meeting".... fabby walks up to Arco della Pace, removes his long trench coat and reveals a shocking pink tutu. A man approaches him

Cuntface-"hello there fabio,glad to see you could make it"
Fabby-"what the hell are we doing here?why do i have to weara tutu?and why are you dressed in a toga?"
Cuntface-" because no-one will regognise us here, we will blend in with the crowd.....we are incognito"
Fabby-"we look about as inconspicious as Michael Jackson and R Kelly at a sweet-16 party"
Cuntface-"just pretend you are a little fairy and people will pay you to take a picture with them"
Fabby-"the way i look they will pay me to give them a blowjob"
Cuntface-"see, everyone is a winner then"
Fabby-"what the hell are we doing here anyway?"
Cuntface-"i wanted to offer you a job. how would you like the chance to win a scudetto with inter?"
Fabby-"Inter?fuck no, hey i have some pride"
Cuntface-"there will be a large case of money involved...."
Fabby-"I am listening!"
Cuntface-"the bottom line is i am worried,with all the other teams starting on the same points and with Juve back, people will soon find that Inter are still a joke of a club. we will be a laughing stock if we do not win the championship when we have ACTUAL competition"
Fabby-"Juve worry you so much?why not milan?"
Cuntface-"i have many contacts in the milan camp, it appears that maldini is being investigated by the univesity of milan"
Fabby"they want to find out why he has been so good?"
Cuntface-"nah, they are carbon dating his bones to see how old he really is. worse than that costacurta has become senile, keeps turning up at the training ground in a nappy and demanding a first team place. however Juve seem to be overcoming all adversity and seem ready to challenge our place at the top of the table"
Fabby-"its...its not...so easy, there is zlatan, we had a torrid love affair and i doubt he has forgiven me for not taking him to madrid"
Cuntface-"you just leave zlatan to me,will you consider it?"
Fabby-"i will definately give it consideration"
Cuntface-"i will be in touch soon"
as he departs fabby feels his phone vibrate in his knickers
Fabby-"hello?............silvio?...........you want to meet me?..........how do you feel about wearing a tutu?......excellent, you know where to meet me"

will fabby take the inter job and be reunited with his lost love zlatan?will he take the milan job to be closer to his soulmate emerson?will he be bombarded by piss baloons by fans annoyed with his teams playing styles?and just what has signore dildo been up to?all this and more when the diary of don juan capello returns

 

[Bozi]

Episode 58

Settling into his new job in Soho square,things are looking rosy for Don Capello. he has been taking in lots of games and has assembled a team of trusted members to help him get to grips with the english game...in more ways than one. he is in his office when there is a knock on the door

Fabby-"come in"
in walks a young,fresh-faced Theo Walcott
Fabby-"ahh Theo my boy,your ass looks as pert like a school boys"
Theo-"pardon?"
Fabby-"excuse me my english is inelegant, i mean to say your arse looks ripe for a plundering"
Theo-"Mr Capello,i have a problem"
Fabby-"come over here and sit on my lap and tell me all about it"
Theo-"can't i just sit in this chair?"
Fabby-"what chair?"
Theo-"this one.....sitting right in front of your desk..."
Fabby-"no...it...eh...has woodworm"
Theo-"but its metal...."
Fabby-"either come and sit on my lap or stop wasting my time"
walcott reluctantly sits on his lap
Fabby-"see now isn't that better?now what is the problem?"
Theo-"its just that..well,since last week sol campbell has been turning up at my house and taking me shopping, to the swimming pool and...why are you rubbing against me?"
Fabby-"oh i have an itch in my pants. you wanna scratch it?"
Theo-"NO....listen he says he is grooming me for you. does tat mean i am in your future plans?"
Fabby-"yes young lad you are,very much so. in fact i see you main man in front of me"
Theo-"you mean as your front man?"
Fabby-"yes you will be up top and all the balls will be heading towards you"
Theo-"ok excellent then i will ignore the strange things....i better run along now, he said that tonight i have to try his salty ball speciality, whatever that is"
just then the phone rings, on the other end is a rather befuddled Becks
Becks-"hello?"
Fabby-"becks is that you?"
Becks-"hello"
fabby-"becks you need to talk into the mouthpiece and listen to the other end"
Becks-calling out"vicks, i thinks the phones broken again...yeah....yeah i am talking but i can't hear anything...oh sorry i think i have the remote control again"
the phone line goes dead
Fabby-"idiot"

will young theo lube up sol's shaft? will becks ever learn how to work anything other than a hairdryer? what has happened to the mysterious signore dildo? why has bozi taken so long to write a substandard sub-plot?all these and more will be answered shortly on a new series of the secret diary of don juan capallo

 

[Bozi]

Episode 59

Cuntface moratti has summoned Manky Bastard to his office for a meeting, finishing himself off on Suazo he calls manky in....

Manky bastard-"hey boss....oh jesus how long has david been in here?"
Cuntface-"about 5 hours, he now has an asshole to rival zlatans nose"
Suazo-"boss says he gonn'get me n'italian passpot"
Cuntface-"shut up bubba, go get washed"
Suazo-"shu'ting boss"
suazo leaves the room
Manky bastard-"how come you never take me boss?i ahve a nice ripe shit-hole to plunder"
Cuntface-"because you look like a woman, you whine like a woman, you are like one of those lady-boys, except more effeminate. now about tuesday, i am not happy"
Manky bastard-"what with?my tactics?my subs?my general incompetance?"
Cuntface-"actually i had not thought about that, i wa spissed bacause teh ref did not get his.....'message' till half time....that is not acceptable, are we ecpected to win games fairly now?"
Manky Bastard-"em...yes"
Cuntface-"NO IT IS NOT YOU LITTLE WORM, i want us to win every game, kick,cheat,steal scudetti if i have to. taht is the inter way"
Manky Bastard-"thank god for that if we are expected to win simply with my own tactical nous then we are fucked"
Cuntface-"don't i ju..."
Suddenly the door flies open and in runs zanetti
Zanetti-"boss,boss there is something going on, reporters are everywhere and a massive crate with your name on it just arrived"
Cuntface-"maybe its the new crop of 'italians' i imported from argentina"
Zanetti-"i don't think so, the press seem to think there is a major thing, matrix is down there kicking them all to keep them back"
Cuntface-"shit, we betetr get down there then"
they rush downstairs to find the front of the crate off and the flashes of photographs, inside the crate, .Matteo Trefoloni,Nicola Rizzoli,Paolo Tagliavento,Antonio Damato,Massimiliano Saccani,Oscar Girardi,Andrea Gervasoni and Kyros Vassaras were all in there, trouserless,bound,gagged and with large rubber fists up their asses
manky Bastard-"what the fuck is this boss?"
Cuntface-" this is every ref that has given us a penalty this season....this is bad news,very bad news. he is back...."
Manky bastard-"who is back?"
Cuntface-"signore dildo is back....."

what will the press make of the refs in the trunk with fists up their asses? what does signoe dildo want?will michael cutajar finally be satisfied?or will bozi have to have him anally raped in here? all this and more still to come

 

[Bozi]

Episode 60

it has been a strange and tumultious fortnight at Fc Interbunchofcocksuckers(just for you turk) despite celebrating their centenary they lost in the league and then crashed out of europe(yes we all know this but i like to bring it up) the tension between manky bastard and cuntface is intense.....we look back at the rise in problems between the men in charge
after the napoli game......
Cuntface-"mancio you little shit-stabber hiw the fuck did you lose a game?i wanted us to win gloriously and not lose a single game"
Manky-"eh but boss, it is only normal for a team to lose occasionally"
Cuntface-"we have the league in our pocket, we ahve the refs in our pocket,hell i even bribe rival players and still you are incompetant and lose to napoli"
Manky-"what??you bribe players refs and the FIGC?"
Cuntface-"of course,what you did not seriously think that YOUR tactical nous was responsible for us winning so easily?
Manky-"yes, i am a tactical genius.what other explanation could there be?"
Cuntface-"see that why i like you....you are a complete idiot. you are my stooge and you will dance when i tell you monkey boy"
Manky-"do the players know this?is that why they disrespect me so often?"
Cuntface-"no,they simply know you are an idiot,those scarfs make you look like an effeminate,pea-brained,pencil-cocked dumbass. i have to interfere or you will blow the title challenge like paris hilton on a first date"
Manky-"yeah??yeah fuck you, i bet you i beat liverpool...or...or...emmmm..."
Cuntface-"or what,you will quit?getthefuckouttahere"
Manky-"yes, i will quit if my tactical genuis does not blow liverpool away"
Cuntface-"you will not win and you will not quit untill i tell you so"

after the liverpool game manky mancio has stunned football by claiming he is willing to walk away from the Inter job, he is summoned to Cuntfaces office
Cuntface-"well looksy here it is Mr Tactical Genius"
Manky-"moratti i want to go, i want to leave"
Cuntface-"so what is stopping you?"
manky-"i em...need help writing my resignation letter"
Cuntface-"well, what have you got so far?"
Manky-"deer mista moratti,i offer my rssi,resgina,i wannt to quiet.."
Cuntface-"ENOUGH of this nonsense. you are going nowhere,the only asshole capable of filling your shoes is currently employed by Juve. you are staying where you are until i find another puppet,sorry manager to take teh helm"
Manky-"but boss,the players offer me no respect, the press talk to me like a fool and no club in italy will employ me anymore as they know i am only capable of winning the coppa italia. let me go to england, where tactics are ignored, defending is a suggestion and an average leage manager can earn millions despite being shit"
Cuntface-"i will send you away in the summer, until then i want you to sit still and just do as you are told. now get out of my office,burdisoo is going to show me what junk he has packed in his trunk"

after the palermo game manky is a forlorne figure,walking around the empty stadium a voice from the shadows startles him
Manky-"who is there?"
Shadow man-"do not fear mancio, i have a proposition for you"
Manky-"do you have lube?i am a bit dry down there"
the man steps out...it is moggi
Moggi-"do i look like i want your fly-fucker anywhere near my ass? listen to me you anus-adenturer,i have a way you can get out if here and also get your own back on moratti"
Manky-"what makes you think i want out of here?"
Moggi-"everyone knows that you do not control the team and that he is buying the title. i know you resent this,there is a resistance movement,i ahve been sent by its leader"
manky-"who??"
Moggi-"the great signore dildo,he has a plan"
Manky-"ok,i am listening"

what is signore dildo's plan?what is moggi's involvement?is this the best bozi can come up with?just how long is moratti going to get away with cheating everybody?all this and more when teh diary of don juan recomences