The Greatest English Football Joke Ever (3 Viewers)

[Bjerknes]

This comes from a program on Facebook where football can be discussed, and the name of the thread is Livermanchelseanal United is THE BEST!!! I don't ever recall laughing so hard in my life regarding a football lambasting. Check this shit out, son. Posts are verbatim and in chronological order. Thread is here:

http://psu.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2409660667&topic=4325&start=0

Any foreigner who doesn't speak English makes me wet my pants in fear!!! All those non-English speaking darkies and olive-skinned types make me hide my valuables and clench my butt cheeks.

Therefore, the soccer of these non-English-speakers is obviously INFERIOR!! They must all be CHEATERS to think they can actually score against the English master race. If you pit Wayne Routledge against the entire 11 of the Brazil 1970 squad, Wayne would win 8-0!

And since all those EPL matches cater to the English language, my underwear can stay dry and I can safely watch the sport curled up with my blankie.

Yes!!! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Let's all sing the EPL Fight Hymn...

Pasty white guys
Pasty white guys
We are football's ruling class
Pasty white guys
Pasty white guys
If you can't speak English, you're trash!

We speak English
We speak English
How can you be so stupid not to
We speak English
We speak English
You must suck 'cause we can't understand you!

Wooo hooo! EPL! EPL forever! Yeah!

Kick ass! The rest of the non-English-speaking world can blow us!

Weeeeeeeeeee!!!

The only thing that exceeds our articulate manner and our incredibly clever comebacks is our FOOTIE LEAGUE!!! (The one from England at least. Americans can just suck up to the English in this regard in the name of language affinity.)

We rule!!!! We are model brains and feet for humanity!

Bow in our presence, all you wannabe mammals!!! The English language-centric view of the world and our footie league is going to vanquish you all.

On your knees!!!

And American fans of the EPL are the absolute best!! Yay!!!!

Not only don't we support our own national club teams, we turn overseas to follow a national league that isn't even ours but give our undying and all-consuming loyalty to because they just happen to speak English! Woooooo! We could barely otherwise speak pig latin!

Livermanchelseanal United all the way!!!!

A country that America fought to the bloody death to create their own homeland, we now support whatever broadcasts come our way from England, forcefed through English language television -- where they help brainwash us into believing that the EPL is the best in the world and all other leagues and languages simply do not exist! And we love it that way -- yayyyyyy!!! Bring more!!

American EPL fans have the incredible superpower of absolute laziness and myopic disbelief ... woo hoo!!!!!

Livermanchelseanal United all the way!!!! They are THE BEST!!!!

Everything else simply doesn't exist!!! They are all cheaters and losers! Yayyy!!!

This way we can continue believing that other languages and cultures are unquestionably inferior, and we can justify our ignorance and feel like we're not missing a thing! Wooo hooo!!!!

What's "Serie A"? Does thou speaketh of heresy!! If we relax our morals and speak of this "Serie A", where will it end? The Eredivisie? The Primera División Argentina?

Unholy blasphemy! I call an EPL jihad on you!

Away, you heretic! How dare you try to pollute our pure minds with this talk of other football outside of the EPL!?!

You are a sick person. I suggest you repent your sins immediately to the gods of the EPL. And if you beg for forgiveness and promise not to mention such heretical names before thee, they just may spare you. May the EPL gods have mercy on your evil soul.

Livermanchelseanal United is THE BEST!!!

All made by one person... swag.

:rofl2:

Hear hear! What a Legend.

 

Buy on AliExpress.com

[Sheik Yerbouti]

i was lookin at it a few days ago! was bloody hilarious! great stuff swag!

 

[Bjerknes]

Goddamnit, these BBC commentators keep saying DUNGA INCORRECTLY. HIS NAME IS NOT COW DUNG!

 

[swag]

Glad to know I have a receptive audience.

I wonder how long this "Tom" dufus is going to keep letting me yank his chain.

 

[Stephan]

is that your feminin side?

 

[Bjerknes]

Glad to know I have a receptive audience.

I wonder how long this "Tom" dufus is going to keep letting me yank his chain.

That guy must be one the biggest dolts I've ever discussed football with.

And you MUST continue on with this forever, you know. Or until you retire, that is, and then I'll take over. Sort of like a Dr. Dre and Eminem scenario.

 

[Badass J Elkann]

Goddamnit, these BBC commentators keep saying DUNGA INCORRECTLY. HIS NAME IS NOT COW DUNG!

you should of heard the commentators on the local radio that most of us were listening to to the sunderland game.

 

[swag]

That guy must be one the biggest dolts I've ever discussed football with.

And you MUST continue on with this forever, you know. Or until you retire, that is, and then I'll take over. Sort of like a Dr. Dre and Eminem scenario.

Oh, I can't stop. This guy is cracking me up. I feel like I'm pitching my voice from behind a boulder so as I can watch this guy get into a fisticuffs argument with what he thinks is a talking frog in front of him. That he's calling for my banishment makes it all the funnier.

 

[Bjerknes]

Oh, I can't stop. This guy is cracking me up. I feel like I'm pitching my voice from behind a boulder so as I can watch this guy get into a fisticuffs argument with what he thinks is a talking frog in front of him. That he's calling for my banishment makes it all the funnier.

It's really brilliant. They cannot ban you because you're not breaking any rules!

Hell, you should pull the same shit on Xtratime. It's really the optimal way to make these EPL hounds look like idiots.

 

[3pac]

the only problem is that the epl is the best

 

[3pac]

TBH, what I actually find more irritating than avid EPL fans is the kids who claim to be Italian based on family heritage (yet they haven't the slightest clue about anything euro-related) and are avid fans of some team in serie A, yet have seen maybe 4 games on tv and can't name 5 players. These kids are typically Mexican.

Their favorite food is pizza and they always talk about how Italian they are.

 

[Bjerknes]

TBH, what I actually find more irritating than avid EPL fans is the kids who claim to be Italian based on family heritage (yet they haven't the slightest clue about anything euro-related) and are avid fans of some team in serie A, yet have seen maybe 4 games on tv and can't name 5 players. These kids are typically Mexican.

Their favorite food is pizza and they always talk about how Italian they are.

Yeah, like that Sergio Ramos spic.

He made my calzone last night. It was good.

 

[ßöмßäяðîëя]

Swagger is the man....

 

[3pac]

I made a pizza today, from scratch, it fucking sucked

 

[Sadomin]

I was writing a reply saying that it looks like sarcasm, Andy, until I read the last paragraph.

 

[ßöмßäяðîëя]

I like you sig...

 

[Bjerknes]

I was writing a reply saying that it looks like sarcasm, Andy, until I read the last paragraph.

Well, you have to be able to read before you're able to write.

 

[Bjerknes]

I like you sig...

For Fuck's Sake, Michael. I'm tired of reading posts with less than 10 words from you. They're making my fucking eyes hurt.

 

[ßöмßäяðîëя]

Eat a penis.....




box, aluminum, rat, frustration, circumflex, palimpsest.

There, 10.

 

[Bjerknes]

Eat a penis.....




box, aluminum, rat, frustration, circumflex, palimpsest.

There, 10.

Okay, Nazi.