Okay, I'm pretty sure that just the tittle must be shocking 
Few days ago Tahir and I were talking about video games and stuff. He asked me something and I looked for it at Wikipedia. I scrolled down and saw this link with the title of this thread. It was an essay in Spanish about Doom and the sexual purpose that works "behind" of the game . Man, it's funny. So, I decided to translate it and post it here. Have fun reading (I'm pretty sure you will laugh at some parts).
Sexual Theory of Doom*
I have wanted to post this essay for a long time now, one that is not that serious. It’s a theory that explains the reason for the success of the game “Doom”, one of the most popular games of all time. Moreover, this theory is also applicable to all men and why they play games of this type. Here is a summary:
The addiction provoked by Doom is based on sexual frustration
Without going into feudalism, it can be assume that most games and sports have some grade of sexual analogy in them: motorcycle races for example, are a clear analogy of the long way that spermatozoid need to travel in order to find the ovule, where the first one is the absolute winner and while the rest are in the group of losers. Even medals have symbolism; they are a clear reference to women: one medal, which has a circle shape, symbolizes an ovule.
With Doom these sexual analogies are clearly more obvious. The arguments this theory presents are not a product of a long thinking, in fact, they are a revelation after I saw a close friend of mine playing this game.
Unconscious objectives of the game
The revelation began after I saw this friend of mine playing Doom. He was in front of the computer facing away from me. It must have been an optical effect, but I could see how this gun in the middle of the computer screen was a prolongation of the characters penis.
Although at the beginning the most elemental weapon is the hand; we start with a pistol, which is a reference to the phallus. The evolution of the weapon follows this path: pistol, shotgun, machine gun, bazooka [or RPG], a plasma canon and a huge weapon called “BFG9000” (Big Fuckin’ Gun, keep the fuckin’ in mind) which shoots “plasma balls”.
Eliminate to the competitors
So, why do we want a more powerful penis? To eliminate other potential male rivals. There is no reason to explain the process of natural selection because we know how it works in real life. Whenever there is a female around there are males trying to seduce her and to achieve this objective there are two ways: one is to show her who is the strongest male, and the other is based on flittering as the turkey does. And this is only to get the ultimate prize: seduce [and obtain] the female**.
What is it that we look for at the end of every level? Everything that has been said before wouldn’t make sense without a corresponding gratification. However, at the end of a level our prize is only a material substitute. In games like this, besides scoring, there is the possibility of obtaining wealth (a reward).In every culture materialism is associated with females and spirituality with males . Hence, at the end of every level the player feels frustrated for not getting what he was fighting for. This frustration incites the player to continue playing.
Additional commentaries
• Who plays Doom?
Everyone, but the typical addict of games like this could possibly be labeled as shy. There is no need to explain that he is probably a very frustrated person. I can’t say there are no women addicted to Doom. In fact, all the statements mentioned are applicable to the all kinds of men addicted to first person shooter [also known as FPS] games, with the possible exception of the ones hooked to role playing game [RPG].
• Doom and masturbation
Doom also has a big masturbatory element, which is very important in regards to this philosophy:
1. The favorite weapon of most players is the shotgun. The reason for this favoritism is the gesture made when the player reloads, which is very similar to that of masturbation.
2. There is a very peculiar way of killing the bosses on the last levels of the game. It doesn’t matter how bad the monster look or what weapon you use: the point is to shoot them repeatedly over an uncertain time. It makes no sense to kill a big monster shooting him over a very long period. But it does make sense when we can compare this to the constant motions associated with masturbation in achieving ejaculation.
• Is this premeditated?
This is maybe the biggest question of all: did the developers of the game know what they were doing? A lot of people think they did.
Nonetheless, I believe – and this is just an opinion - in the opposite, I think the people who developed this didn’t consciously intend this. Perhaps they just made the game thinking of the success and not about the sexual euphemism behind the game. In the same manner, the players get unconsciously hooked to the game.
Remember this next time you play Doom.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Summary and translation made by Joaquín Gálvez Peragallo and Teresa Donoso Pinto. This theory was originally made by A. Viñuela. Unfortunately there is no more information about the author of this theory. If you need more information please visit: http://textos.cranf.net/teoriasexualdeldoom.html (the original theory in Spanish). We also changed and added some terms in square parenthesis to make easier the compression of the text to English readers, as the in original text, are a lot of Spanish slangs. Also,
we would like to thanks to Tahir Ahmad for his collaboration during the translation of this essay and his review after this one was done.
**The translators, especially Teresa, does not agree with this statement.
Few days ago Tahir and I were talking about video games and stuff. He asked me something and I looked for it at Wikipedia. I scrolled down and saw this link with the title of this thread. It was an essay in Spanish about Doom and the sexual purpose that works "behind" of the game . Man, it's funny. So, I decided to translate it and post it here. Have fun reading (I'm pretty sure you will laugh at some parts).Sexual Theory of Doom*
“The first time I heard about your theory I thought it was pretty funny, but the next day, after finishing a level… I realized you were right!”
Doom player that prefers to remain anonymous.
Doom player that prefers to remain anonymous.
I have wanted to post this essay for a long time now, one that is not that serious. It’s a theory that explains the reason for the success of the game “Doom”, one of the most popular games of all time. Moreover, this theory is also applicable to all men and why they play games of this type. Here is a summary:
The addiction provoked by Doom is based on sexual frustration
Without going into feudalism, it can be assume that most games and sports have some grade of sexual analogy in them: motorcycle races for example, are a clear analogy of the long way that spermatozoid need to travel in order to find the ovule, where the first one is the absolute winner and while the rest are in the group of losers. Even medals have symbolism; they are a clear reference to women: one medal, which has a circle shape, symbolizes an ovule.
With Doom these sexual analogies are clearly more obvious. The arguments this theory presents are not a product of a long thinking, in fact, they are a revelation after I saw a close friend of mine playing this game.
Unconscious objectives of the game
The revelation began after I saw this friend of mine playing Doom. He was in front of the computer facing away from me. It must have been an optical effect, but I could see how this gun in the middle of the computer screen was a prolongation of the characters penis.
Although at the beginning the most elemental weapon is the hand; we start with a pistol, which is a reference to the phallus. The evolution of the weapon follows this path: pistol, shotgun, machine gun, bazooka [or RPG], a plasma canon and a huge weapon called “BFG9000” (Big Fuckin’ Gun, keep the fuckin’ in mind) which shoots “plasma balls”.
Eliminate to the competitors
So, why do we want a more powerful penis? To eliminate other potential male rivals. There is no reason to explain the process of natural selection because we know how it works in real life. Whenever there is a female around there are males trying to seduce her and to achieve this objective there are two ways: one is to show her who is the strongest male, and the other is based on flittering as the turkey does. And this is only to get the ultimate prize: seduce [and obtain] the female**.
What is it that we look for at the end of every level? Everything that has been said before wouldn’t make sense without a corresponding gratification. However, at the end of a level our prize is only a material substitute. In games like this, besides scoring, there is the possibility of obtaining wealth (a reward).In every culture materialism is associated with females and spirituality with males . Hence, at the end of every level the player feels frustrated for not getting what he was fighting for. This frustration incites the player to continue playing.
Additional commentaries
• Who plays Doom?
Everyone, but the typical addict of games like this could possibly be labeled as shy. There is no need to explain that he is probably a very frustrated person. I can’t say there are no women addicted to Doom. In fact, all the statements mentioned are applicable to the all kinds of men addicted to first person shooter [also known as FPS] games, with the possible exception of the ones hooked to role playing game [RPG].
• Doom and masturbation
Doom also has a big masturbatory element, which is very important in regards to this philosophy:
1. The favorite weapon of most players is the shotgun. The reason for this favoritism is the gesture made when the player reloads, which is very similar to that of masturbation.
2. There is a very peculiar way of killing the bosses on the last levels of the game. It doesn’t matter how bad the monster look or what weapon you use: the point is to shoot them repeatedly over an uncertain time. It makes no sense to kill a big monster shooting him over a very long period. But it does make sense when we can compare this to the constant motions associated with masturbation in achieving ejaculation.
• Is this premeditated?
This is maybe the biggest question of all: did the developers of the game know what they were doing? A lot of people think they did.
Nonetheless, I believe – and this is just an opinion - in the opposite, I think the people who developed this didn’t consciously intend this. Perhaps they just made the game thinking of the success and not about the sexual euphemism behind the game. In the same manner, the players get unconsciously hooked to the game.
Remember this next time you play Doom.
A. Viñuela, 03/11/02
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Summary and translation made by Joaquín Gálvez Peragallo and Teresa Donoso Pinto. This theory was originally made by A. Viñuela. Unfortunately there is no more information about the author of this theory. If you need more information please visit: http://textos.cranf.net/teoriasexualdeldoom.html (the original theory in Spanish). We also changed and added some terms in square parenthesis to make easier the compression of the text to English readers, as the in original text, are a lot of Spanish slangs. Also,
we would like to thanks to Tahir Ahmad for his collaboration during the translation of this essay and his review after this one was done.
**The translators, especially Teresa, does not agree with this statement.
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