As Promised, the Exclusive Interview
The Spaghetti Incident 2, or my interview with a WOP
Courtesy of Brooke Bathwater
Ravioli Review Monthly
"Hi, this is Brooke Bathwater for Ravioli Review Monthly, and I'm sitting here with F.C. Real Italiens latest signing, Sergio. It is an honor to have you here with us today"
Sergio "Hey, How you doin'"
BB- "I'm good, thanks"
Sergio- "No, really. How YOU doin'? huh? How you doin'"
BB-"Uhh, I'm fine."
Sergio- "Yeah, I bet you are. So, uhh, when you gonna set 'em free??"
BB- "what are you talking about?"
Sergio- "You know. Them. Those Puppies ova there. Let 'em out!!! Come on, let's see 'em. I got 10 bucks"
BB- "Mr. Lenza!! please, be professional!!"
Sergio- "Aiight, Aiight, I'm sorry. Make it 20 bucks"
BB- "Let's just get on with the interview please. Sergio, what made you decide to sign with F.C. Real Italiens after a fierce bidding war with Stomacchi Grassi??
Sergio "........................................."
BB- "Sergio??"
Sergio"..............................................."
BB- "Mr. Lenza, my eyes are up here!!!"
Sergio "Oh, eh, wikkid sorry. Those are some nice puppies you gotz there"
BB- "Can you PLEASE answer the question?!?!"
Sergio- " Aiight, here'z tha story. For real. This guy named Mahk comes over to me and says, "Yo, Scungilli head, you're an Italien, I wanna be one when I grow up, so why don't we, you know, do dis. Capice?" So I says to him, "Hey, a Fangool. You ain't no Italien, who da you think you are a-talkin' to me like dat, huh?" I'mma break yo fukkin head. And I ain't no fag, so I ain't be doin' nuttin wit chu."
BB- "OK, this interview is already the stuff of legends.........................."
Sergio "I know, right?? so listen, then he goes to me like this, he goes. "Yo, I ain't no Ho-Mo. I want you to play for us." I'm like "Yeah?", and He's like "Yeah. I'll even give ya a lifetime supply of Drakkar Noir. Just got it off of my connection on the corner of 3rd and 7th" So I says "Third and 7th, huh? You mean Fat Tony??" He's like "Yeah, you know him?", and I'm like "Yeah, I know him, he's MY fuckin' connection!!" I can tell he wuz gettin' a little scared, cuz he starts peein' himself"
BB- Really?
Sergio "Yeah, dat wuz sum funny shit. So I says to him, "Look, you give me a year supply a dat Acqua di Gio or whateva you call it, and it's a deal" But I gotta tell ya, some dude named Osman wants me on his team, too. What the fuck is an "Osman" anyway? You mean Donny Osman? Now why da fuck would I would to play with him and his faggy bruthas anyway? I mean, ya know, unless I can bag his sista Marie. She's still wikkid hot even though I think she's 80 now. I mean where I'm from, everyone's got a hot sister named Marie that you can bang, but none of 'em are famous, except Marie Pinatoni. She can eat a salsice and peppa grinda in 2 bites. Now, dat's talent."
BB- "Wow, that's really....................................amazing."
Sergio- "Yeah, I know. So anywayz, he even promises me a new uniform, cuz, you know, I've been wearin' this "Fonzie says Ayyyyyyyyyyyyy!" T-shirt for like 30 years now. So that was cool."
BB- "There's been some controversy over your age. The Pasta Primavera website lists you at 20, but there's been rumors that you are twice that age"
Sergio "Well, how old do you want me to be, baby?"
BB- "What do you mean?"
Sergio- "You know whut I'z talkin' about. Hey, I can wear diapers and have a rattle goin' 'Gaa Gaa Goo Goo', and all dat if you want me to, you freak. Or I can have you bend over a walker. It don't matta"
BB- "You've got problems, you know that"
Sergio "Yeah, and the only thing that can fix me is to dive into some Bathwater, ya know what I'm sayin'?? heh heh heh heh"
BB- "Allright, I think this interview is over now"
Sergio "Nah. I'm only kiddin. Please don't go, I just get, ya know, really nervous around beautiful broads, cuz like, you're wikkid pretty, you know?? I'm just like (sobbing) wikkid sorry ova here"
BB- "That's ok, Sergio. let me come over there and lean over to give you a hug"
Sergio- "Ok, (sniff). Come on ova. BBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TUGBOAT!!!!!!! Ha ha ha..................................I just tugboatetd your puppies!!!!!"
BB- "I'm leaving!! This interview is over!!!"
Sergio -"Hey, you forgot your 20 dollas!!!. that's aiight, I'm hungry anyways. Hey, Sal's is still open. Imma gonna grab me a slice"
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