"I'm an intellectual who could have been a professional footballer or rocket scientist if I wanted, but instead I choose to devote my life to random ideologi and posting at various forums. I have never been bullied in school, I intervene fearlessly whenever I see armed robbery, abuse or crime of any kind, and I get all the girls I want. Did I mention my penis is 35cm long?" - 95% of the internet population.
Alternatively:
"Hi, I'm a girl!"