Bad news religious devotees. It turns out that Fappy the Shoe Wanker is not a god afterall. No, he is just a guy who likes to fap shoes.
I found this out when Fappy tested positive for banned substances while in qualifying for Canada's Giant Jerk competition. The banned substances were a cocktail of viagra and enzyte. A true god would never need such things.
Thanks go out to Canada, as we all know that the US does not drug test its athletes. See baseball, football, olympics, olympics, olympics and . . . no cocaine in the NBA, right?, etc.