Channel 4 News, Serie A, 12/ 16
Today in a news conference, Alberto Gilardinosaur was said to be at odds with coach Carlo Ancelotti. The Gilardinosaur said he was sorry for his outburst in practice and was looking for an apology, "I am so sorry for clawing Pippo during our last trainig session, but he should have known to stay away from my gatorade." said Alberto.
"I was just chilling and Pippo took my shit, i don't roll that way, so i cut him with my 4 inch talons." said Alberto. Pippo later stated, "Look, he is old, and his eyes are going, but he has the ability to rip me limb from limb, so I'm sorry."
This after a short outburst from Alberto earlier in the week after Ancelotti refused to start him, the young powerful 65million year old, over the 30 year old striker against inter last match.
"I feel as if my 8 foot long legs and 4 inch talons give me an edge in almost all matches....." said Alberto. "We need to take control of my useful power against someone like Samuel, whom I could easily slice and dice from here to Turin."
Samuel in resonse to this allegation said that the tungsten body suit he was wearing would have warned off any outbreak of raptures from Gilardionsaur last match.
Gilardinosaur, who measures almost 3 meters tall and an arm width of 3 feet says that his T-Rex like arms are no match for someone like Materazzi, who has the speed of a lame wheelchair man. "He would fall like the Berlin wall after i sunk my 3 inch teeth into his abdomen." later said Alberto.
This all remains speculation as the Dinosaur, called by his teammates, is in the hospital with a busted toe-claw. Defensive middie Pirlo said, "What? That kid could rip us to shreads and eat us on the pitch, pick up the ball and place it in the net before anyone knew what was going on, and you say it's Ancelotti?"
Ancelotti said he had no qualms with not starting him, but the 40 million Euro insurance policy he recently took out say otherwise.
"Trigger-Mike" Burke reporting from Milan, OUT!
Maybe I should move there.
