As I was watching the match and texting Andy during the process, something happened to me near the end of that match that has never happened before during a domestic league match.
I laid on my couch, and I cried.
A 41 year old man, the same man who has beena supporter of Juventus since he was 6 years old, cried on his couch.
There have been some heartbreaking losses that have happened during previous championshiop campaigns that would make one want to cry, but this was different.
Those teams of the past, even when they lost some important matches in their chase for the scudetto, at least gave everything that they had. They were beaten because, in the end, they were not the better team that day, whether on paper or on the pitch.
I saw a team that gave up on themselves, and their fans.
I don't ask juventus to be the best team in the world every single year, no team can be that, especially in the new landscape and economy of modern football. That is a dream that more often than not is simply unattainable in this day and age, regardless of what team that you are.
But this team doesn't even seem to try anymore. They just don't. I realize that I am not a shareholder, and really the only investments that I have made to the cause are buying jerseys, posters, other types of souveniers, and buying tickets for matches when they come to the U.S.
I shouldn't have such an emotional attachment to a team, but I do in this case.
I feel as if this team is not olnly letting myself down, but my mother down, my deceased grandparents down, and my deceased great grandfather down as well. Members of my family who have been Juventus Supporters since the 1930's.
I don't claim, or would never claim, to be an expert on everything Juventus, or even football in general. My time is somewhat divided between Juve, the Montreal Canadiens, the Lakers, 49ers, Dodgers, and USC Football.
But the difference between them and Juve, with the exception of the Canadiens, is that my affection for these teams were not passed down as a gift from a generation or 4 long ago.
This is why my heart hurts. This is why I schedule my Saturday afternoon or Sunday mornings or afternnon around Juventus. Because in my heart, I'm carrying on a tradition that was passed down to me, and I feel that I have to suffer, for myself, and for my family, because I will not,and refuse to be, the one who breaks the chain between my family and our connection with Juve.
I don't know what to do. I really wish I had the answers. I really wish it were as simple as firing Del Neri, and bringin in another coach in the hopes of giving them a spark. But this didn't work last year either.
I can't understand how a team can beat Milan, and Inter in the domestic league, yet have some of the most inexplicable performances against inferior squads that yes, this current Juve, should be able to manhandle.
They broke my heart yesterday, they really did. Not just because they lost, but they just don't seem to care anymore.