Patient: So I've been sick the past couple of days, I've had a bit of a headache, sore joints and a runny nose.
Dr Cron: Sorry to tell you lady but you're deceased.
Patient: Whaaaaat??? I'm not dead!
Dr Cron: You're dead as a doorknob, as useless as an italjuve.
Patient: But I'm alive!
Dr Cron: You've passed on! You are no more! You have ceased to be! You have expired and gone to meet your maker! You're a stiff! Bereft of life, you are resting in peace! YOU ARE AN EX-HUMAN!!
Patient:....Thanks doc
Dr Cron: I've already organised your funeral, but I had to buy a gold coffin because the wooden ones are for mediocrity and anyone who comes into my clinic cannot be mediocre!
Patient: Do I have to pay for it?
Dr Cron: Of course not! Money grows on trees!
Patient: I think I'll be leaving now.
Dr Cron: We're doomed, DOOMED I SAY!!! This clinic does not have 500 seats, the staff are all italian with degrees from their regional universities!
Patient: *runs away*
Dr Cron: Without me, this clinic would be terrible.
It sounds lame but I really laugh at myself (or with) here. Cron 
