How Can You Forget Someone? (1 Viewer)

[dpforever]

The topic has come up a few times lately in my conversation with friends. We were talking about how can we best forget someone. How can we let someone go. And my solution at that moment seemed so simple.

I told them that when you break up with anyone, you tend to only remember the good part, the good times, all the fun things you did together, the nice memories .. and remembering this will make you depressed as you will question your judgment, then you will ask yourself "Why did I break up with him/her", "Where did it all went wrong?" and more whys..

When that happens never just remember the good part of your relationship. Try to remember the bad part, the part where everything went wrong. All the hurt that u got courtesy of the relationship.... the part where bad thing happens as if on a collision course.

That's how you forget people, that's how you recover from them. Seed a little hatred and let it remind you of all that.. never too much hatred mind you for it will make you an ugly person. Whenever I miss them, and sort of want them back, I always remember the hurt they gave me.. it may make me a cold hearted person but at least I might feel stronger.. empowered to control my own life.

But the question is, what happens if that someone never hurt you ???

 

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[Lawnchair Bes]

why do you have to forget someone who never hurt you ?

 

[dpforever]

++ [ originally posted by Don Bes ] ++
why do you have to forget someone who never hurt you ?

My case is complicated. That 'someone' I have to forget about didn't mean to hurt me (or maybe she did but I loved her so much I tend not to believe it) but anyway the damage is done and now we have to move on but I'm having difficulties forgeting about her especially that I see her nearly everyday at work !!

 

[Tom]

Do you want to forget about her? Thats the key point I think

 

[Stu]

Too true, Tom. Sometimes people break up with people because that person has hurt them or done something that cannot be forgiven, but in truth you don't want t forget about that person because you still care about them a good deal. I've had the problem before.

 

[Slagathor]

Sadly, it is quite impossible to forget about someone on demand or, in your case, wish.

Focusing on the negative parts, as you described in your first post, will not help you forget, but it will help you move on by defeating naivety, among other things. Upon losing love, pain rises and is generally accompanied by naivety (the sole focus on positive memories) and occasionally hope (the ideal that maybe all is not yet lost). The last two stand in close contact with the first and also have the ability to lessen pain by bringing forward positive memories for focus to shift towards and in some cases even offering ideal and hopeful situations in which love might return to dismiss the cause of all pain indefinitely: loss and loneliness.

Failure to focus on negative memories might result into naivety taking the upper hand; which is bound to lead to a long lasting process of slow and torturous realisation that all has indeed been lost and will most likely never return.

When there is a lack of negative aspects to focus on or an inability to do so, these sentiments of mere positive memories (naivety) might prevail as well.

Eliminating this sense of naivety is of immense importance if closure is sought. This can obviously not be achieved by forgetting the person involved, nor by creating feelings of hatred towards that person (if that were possible, naivety would already have ceased to exist at this point).

But as hatred appears to still be the best means of speeding up the process of healing; it must be focused on other aspects. Such as the aspects of the situation that have prevented the ideal scenario to come true. Creating hatred towards different aspects (rather than the person itself as this is impossible), might help create a sense of acceptance that the scenario that is desired is well out of reach and should be forgotten.

In that way, not the person, but the desired scenario could vanish and the feelings attached to it would disappear as well.





A friend of mine once made me sit through a conference on the subject... You tell me if you find it useful; that is what I remembered.

 

[Stu]

@Fahad: My advise to you is, get a girl. In your case you broke up with a girlfriend, right? You clearly aren't over her yet so you need to find someone else to take your mind off her, and who knows, that someone else might just be that special person.

 

[dpforever]

++ [ originally posted by Paolo_Montero ] ++
Do you want to forget about her? Thats the key point I think

If I had a choice then no, but I have to since we agreed to 'move on' with our lives. And she already moved on and looks happy with someone else.

I thought it would be simple and easy and that I would be able to forget about her in a matter of days, but that didn't happen. I still pretty much think about her most of the time. I never imagined it would be that difficult.

Any suggestions to help me around here

 

[dpforever]

Thanks Majed for your post, it certainly gives it more prespective and thought.

Stuart, finding someone else to love isn't as easy as it sounds. I wish it was !!

 

[Tom]

++ [ originally posted by dpforever ] ++
And she already moved on and looks happy with someone else.

Well then I think you have to do likewise. Two pieces of advice I can give is one - make sure you keep on good terms, there's no point falling apart and it will make your work life miserable. Secondly only time will let you forget about her, especially since you're working with her. You have to accept that you're going to still be hurting for a while unless you meet someone else. There's no quick way to just bury all your feelings and forget it ever happened.. sorry :frown:

 

[Tom]

++ [ originally posted by dpforever ] ++
Thanks Majed for your post,

Those avatars sure are confusing

 

[Slagathor]

Alright, point taken... fucks sake

 

[dpforever]

++ [ originally posted by Paolo_Montero ] ++
Well then I think you have to do likewise. Two pieces of advice I can give is one - make sure you keep on good terms, there's no point falling apart and it will make your work life miserable. Secondly only time will let you forget about her, especially since you're working with her. You have to accept that you're going to still be hurting for a while unless you meet someone else. There's no quick way to just bury all your feelings and forget it ever happened.. sorry :frown:

Thanks for the advice man, I'll try my best ...

++ [ originally posted by Paolo_Montero ] ++
Those avatars sure are confusing

Damn right !!

I really thought it was Majed.

 

[Slagathor]

Majed is not smart enough to post that :cap:

 

[Zlatan]

Dont try to forget about her, the harder you try the more miserably you'll fail. Just go about with your life like she never was in it, and soon enough, you'll forget about her, or, even better, just stop hurting.

I dont have those problems tho, I'm not that emotional

 

[Tom]

++ [ originally posted by Erik ] ++
Majed is not smart enough to post that :cap:

 

[Dragon]

Give time some time. That always works

 

[Elnur_E65]

All attempts to forget her will fail.

The only thing that heals is TIME.

It may take a week, a month, or 3 month.

But life goes on...

 

[ßöмßäяðîëя]

Are we talking about ex's?

 

[Elnur_E65]

++ [ originally posted by Bürke ] ++
Are we talking about ex's?

I think so...