The Misadventures of Comical Comolli at Juventus
Once upon a time in Turin, Juventus decided they needed a sporting director with vision. Unfortunately, they hired Comical Comolli, a man whose vision was about as clear as a foggy morning in Milan.
His first big idea? "Let’s sign the next big thing in world football!" So he flew off to scout, returning proudly with… a 34-year-old journeyman striker who hadn’t scored since the iPod was invented.
"Don’t worry," Comolli reassured the board. "He’s got great character! Look at how he claps after missing sitters!"
Meanwhile, whenever he did manage to stumble across an actual talent, Comolli had a unique gift: selling them at a loss. Juventus fans were horrified one summer when he sold their star winger to a rival for a fee that barely covered a month of Cristiano Ronaldo’s hair gel.
When questioned, Comolli replied,
"I wanted to be generous. After all, football is about sharing!"
The dressing room grew suspicious. Players who scored too many goals would mysteriously vanish the next day. "Where’s Federico?" someone asked once.
"Oh," Comolli muttered, "I traded him for… uh… three defenders from Serie C who are really good at throw-ins."
His crowning moment came during one frantic transfer deadline day. Fans held their breath as Juventus were linked with world-class midfielders. Instead, Comolli proudly unveiled… a second-choice goalkeeper from Iceland’s third division.
The press conference was awkward.
"Why him?" a reporter asked.
Comolli beamed.
"Because he’s tall. Very tall. He can reach the shelves in the training ground kitchen."
By the end of the season, Juventus had a squad full of bargain-bin players and Comolli had become a legend—not for building a team of champions, but for creating the first football squad that could double as a Sunday pub team.
The fans gave him a new nickname: “The Magician”—because every time Juventus had money, he made it disappear.
Once upon a time in Turin, Juventus decided they needed a sporting director with vision. Unfortunately, they hired Comical Comolli, a man whose vision was about as clear as a foggy morning in Milan.
His first big idea? "Let’s sign the next big thing in world football!" So he flew off to scout, returning proudly with… a 34-year-old journeyman striker who hadn’t scored since the iPod was invented.
"Don’t worry," Comolli reassured the board. "He’s got great character! Look at how he claps after missing sitters!"
Meanwhile, whenever he did manage to stumble across an actual talent, Comolli had a unique gift: selling them at a loss. Juventus fans were horrified one summer when he sold their star winger to a rival for a fee that barely covered a month of Cristiano Ronaldo’s hair gel.
When questioned, Comolli replied,
"I wanted to be generous. After all, football is about sharing!"
The dressing room grew suspicious. Players who scored too many goals would mysteriously vanish the next day. "Where’s Federico?" someone asked once.
"Oh," Comolli muttered, "I traded him for… uh… three defenders from Serie C who are really good at throw-ins."
His crowning moment came during one frantic transfer deadline day. Fans held their breath as Juventus were linked with world-class midfielders. Instead, Comolli proudly unveiled… a second-choice goalkeeper from Iceland’s third division.
The press conference was awkward.
"Why him?" a reporter asked.
Comolli beamed.
"Because he’s tall. Very tall. He can reach the shelves in the training ground kitchen."
By the end of the season, Juventus had a squad full of bargain-bin players and Comolli had become a legend—not for building a team of champions, but for creating the first football squad that could double as a Sunday pub team.
The fans gave him a new nickname: “The Magician”—because every time Juventus had money, he made it disappear.
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