Scotish Submarine
There was once a sub crewed by Scotsmen,
The redoubtable men of the North.
She patrolled the Atlantic’s grey waters
From her base in the Firth of the Forth
Her Skipper, a dour Aberdonian,
Was known for his tightness with loot,
And much tighter yet with torpedoes,
With a noted reluctance to shoot!
One morning they sighted a tanker
“Let’s sink it!” the crew said with glee.
'D’ye no ken the price o’ torpedoes?
Forget it, yon tanker’s too wee!”
Now while they discussed the expenses,
A destroyer appeared on the scene,
A German, with five inch artillery,
And she’d spotted the Jock submarine!
They took the boat down in a hurry
While the German came on at a pace.
“Our Skipper’ll save us!” the crew said
But the Captain remained stony faced!
They sat on the bottom for hours,
Dead quiet, no man made a sound,
While the German let loose her depth charges
And continued to circle around!
Then a voice echoed out in the silence,
In anguish it cried simply this,
“Just fire a bloody torpedo!
Ah’ll foot the bill if ye miss!