IliveForJuve

Burn this club
Jan 17, 2011
18,923
This recently happened to a buddy of mine.

He and his now ex gf had been together for about 2 years, and after countless of efforts from his side to talk about the lack of sex in their relationship (and things not changing) he decided to break up with her.

Now everyone thinks he's the bad guy, because everything else in their relationship was alright (ridiculous comments such as "he was just in it for the sex!").

I do agree with him though, sex is a very important part in a relationship, and if things don't change after bringing it up, etc. it's best to leave the relationship, as one person is unhappy and will just cause further frustration.
 

swag

L'autista
Administrator
Sep 23, 2003
84,750
Yep, you pretty much can't do anything until the person wants help.
BLOOM!

This recently happened to a buddy of mine.

He and his now ex gf had been together for about 2 years, and after countless of efforts from his side to talk about the lack of sex in their relationship (and things not changing) he decided to break up with her.

Now everyone thinks he's the bad guy, because everything else in their relationship was alright (ridiculous comments such as "he was just in it for the sex!").

I do agree with him though, sex is a very important part in a relationship, and if things don't change after bringing it up, etc. it's best to leave the relationship, as one person is unhappy and will just cause further frustration.
Sex can be absent for a while when serious life happens (a girl or guy ain't gonna be much in the mood, for example, when he/she's rightfully downing because of a death in the family). But for prolonged periods, you're playing with fire. All it takes is an encounter with someone new and interesting at work who shows interest in you physically, and that can be a powder keg that blows it all to bits. I don't know how Gandhi's wife did it. May as well be going steady with your brother.

So while sex is far from everything in a relationship, its absence is a massive health check failure and pretty much an indicator that shit's running aground soon.
 

IliveForJuve

Burn this club
Jan 17, 2011
18,923
BLOOM!



Sex can be absent for a while when serious life happens (a girl or guy ain't gonna be much in the mood, for example, when he/she's rightfully downing because of a death in the family). But for prolonged periods, you're playing with fire. All it takes is an encounter with someone new and interesting at work who shows interest in you physically, and that can be a powder keg that blows it all to bits. I don't know how Gandhi's wife did it. May as well be going steady with your brother.

So while sex is far from everything in a relationship, its absence is a massive health check failure and pretty much an indicator that shit's running aground soon.
:agree:

I'm finding myself in the same situation as my friend.

My gf doesn't want sex as often as I do, and she's not willing to do/try some things I really like in bed despite promising she would try. However, whenever I bring up the promise she made, she just says "I don't wanna be pressured". Yeah, right, it's been almost a year since you made that promise.

Relationship's been great otherwise but this single aspect makes me contemplate getting my sex from somewhere else and/or breaking up with her.

Like the saying goes, sex is 5% of the happiness in a relationship but 50% of the unhappiness.
 

Seven

In bocca al lupo, Fabio.
Jun 25, 2003
39,323
Relationship's been great otherwise but this single aspect makes me contemplate getting my sex from somewhere else and/or breaking up with her.
Have you told her this? I bet you haven't, because when thinking about it in your head it sounded petty and coercive. But if it's a dealbreaker for you, it's a very valid one. Don't frame it as 'you'd better start getting more interested in sex or else...', but as 'this is important to me and if things don't change I might want to end our relationship'.

To be honest though I don't think there is much that can be done about it.
 

IliveForJuve

Burn this club
Jan 17, 2011
18,923
Have you told her this? I bet you haven't, because when thinking about it in your head it sounded petty and coercive. But if it's a dealbreaker for you, it's a very valid one. Don't frame it as 'you'd better start getting more interested in sex or else...', but as 'this is important to me and if things don't change I might want to end our relationship'.

To be honest though I don't think there is much that can be done about it.
As you say, I haven't told her it would be a deal breaker but that it frustrates me cause it's important to me.

But in the coming days I'll tell her that, carefully picking my words.

Sadly, your last paragraph might be true. Some people just aren't sexually compatible.
 

Enron

Tickle Me
Moderator
Oct 11, 2005
75,659
Sorry dude. That part always sucks. But it's really just an opening to new things. Plus, maybe in a few months you'll get you see her have a nervous breakdown in public.

My ex showed up at the coffee shop I frequent last night (it is the place we met and where some of her oldest friends also go) crying, a total mess. Her job, masters program and current relationship all seemingly in the crapper. She wanted to come and get advice from her friends, who she hasn't spoken to in about six months, and I was there so it made everything even worse. She looked at me at one point and said "pinche Aaron por que estas aqui". When she's upset she sounds like a tea kettle so it made everything pretty funny. I spent the evening trying not to laugh at her.
 

DAiDEViL

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2015
64,590
Congrats :beer:

I share my birthday with the likes of Chuck Norris, Samuel Eto'o @Fr3sh, Brad Friedel, Jack Butland, Hector Bellerin, Ivan Rakitic, Toni Polster @Ocelot, Sharon Stone, Olivia Wilde, Sepp Blatter and Osama Bin Laden.
 

Nzoric

Grazie Mirko
Jan 16, 2011
37,868
:agree:

I'm finding myself in the same situation as my friend.

My gf doesn't want sex as often as I do, and she's not willing to do/try some things I really like in bed despite promising she would try. However, whenever I bring up the promise she made, she just says "I don't wanna be pressured". Yeah, right, it's been almost a year since you made that promise.

Relationship's been great otherwise but this single aspect makes me contemplate getting my sex from somewhere else and/or breaking up with her.

Like the saying goes, sex is 5% of the happiness in a relationship but 50% of the unhappiness.
Have you considered being more attractive?
 

Seven

In bocca al lupo, Fabio.
Jun 25, 2003
39,323
Sorry dude. That part always sucks. But it's really just an opening to new things. Plus, maybe in a few months you'll get you see her have a nervous breakdown in public.

My ex showed up at the coffee shop I frequent last night (it is the place we met and where some of her oldest friends also go) crying, a total mess. Her job, masters program and current relationship all seemingly in the crapper. She wanted to come and get advice from her friends, who she hasn't spoken to in about six months, and I was there so it made everything even worse. She looked at me at one point and said "pinche Aaron por que estas aqui". When she's upset she sounds like a tea kettle so it made everything pretty funny. I spent the evening trying not to laugh at her.
You sound like you need some extra healing time, bud. Not much though, almost there.
 

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