I was beating off in my in-laws' bathroom late at night. Just as I'm reaching climax, my wife flies through the door like Seal Team Six, demanding, "What are you doing!?!?" At the first sound of the door I jumped up, somehow kicking off my shorts to completely cover up the iPad as she gets past that wall. I then turn away from my intruder as I ejaculate into the now-convenient toilet paper, looking back over my shoulder to proclaim an angry, bewildered, and guilt-stricken "I'M TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT!!!" while expelling my soiled toilet paper into the bowl.
As fast as she came, she went, scurrying back to bed, seemingly embarrassed and sorry for the intrusion. I regain my composure and confidence. I clean up, and head back to bed. Instead of the typical slither back into the room, I'm walking tall, proud of my quick thinking and quicker reactions. My adrenaline is racing like I just out ran the cops. As I laid my head on my pillow, heart racing from adrenaline, my wife quietly but sternly says, "Please don't jerk off in my parents' house." In the saddest, most pathetic voice, I quivered, "OK."
I fapped there two nights later.