Only a small glimpse of him on tape but like what I saw. Will no doubt bring speed to the pitch.
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Weston “Immovable” McKennie (41 Viewers)
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The SBA is a creature of myth not unlike Pegasus, Buraq, Garuda and the Phoenix. The caricature of a man, but with abilities far exceeding that of mortals. They can be distinguished by their glistening jet black skin, like Dany's dragon "Drogon" in the HBO series Game of Thrones. But the 100%, your money back guarantee, distinguishing feature of the SBA is the massive (we're talking Herman Melville Moby Dick) pronounced bulge in their nether regions, which one might mistake for a grotesque growth or extra limb/appendage, but is actually the source of their power. This is their 'gift' from McKennie, West African snake god of fertility and sexual happiness. Just as Odin blessed Thor with Mjolnir to smite all before him; or as Zeus blessed Heracles with his strength and wit. McKennie blessed the SBA with the 'gift' (think of a can of pringles for the 'gifts' dimensions). In ancient european folk lore, a Unicorn's horn was said to have the power to render poisoned water potable and to heal sickness. In ancient African folklore, the 'gift' has the power to bring women to big bang universe altering orgasms that render them unconscious physically, but spiritually elevates them to Nirvana.
That is what an SBA is. Michael Jordan, Jim Brown, Usain Bolt, Phil "the gift" Heath, Ronnie Coleman, Nick "the cannon" Cannon, Asamoah, King Kong, de Brothas like Jamal and Bokeem in de club....... No ammount of Pelvic floor excercises can prepare the honeys for the 'Gift'.
That is what an SBA is. Michael Jordan, Jim Brown, Usain Bolt, Phil "the gift" Heath, Ronnie Coleman, Nick "the cannon" Cannon, Asamoah, King Kong, de Brothas like Jamal and Bokeem in de club....... No ammount of Pelvic floor excercises can prepare the honeys for the 'Gift'.
This signing has been foretold! As I lay asleep on my bed two nights past, I was racked by a terrible vision. I felt myself drift towards the heavens and as I looked down, I saw my physical form convulsing like an infantile retard. I had entered the spirit realm. Suddenly I found myself in the coils of a vast serpent. Its ebony scales reflecting the pale moon light. It was as long as 3 football pitches and as thick as a blue whale. It was Ogbonna! African snake god of female sexual fulfillment, male virility and genital endowment. Then it spoke to me. Its voice a deep rumble which sounded like whiskey soaked thunder, not dissimilar to Dikembe Mutombo (peace be upon him), and he said,
“The Agnelli have angered me. Pogba, Asamoah, Keane, my name sake............ all sent away. Juventus FC have strayed from me. That is why I have cursed the club! But I shall send another, the chosen one who will set the club once again on the right path. Then the curse shall be lifted. His name is McKennie. Carlos, you must go back to Juventuz and herald his arrival.”
That is why I have returned.
“McKennie” is the anglicized form of the Mandingka tribe “M’Kennie”who he is descended from. The tribe, based around the confluence of the Gambia and Sandougou were known devotees of Ogbonna. As a descendant of that proud warrior tribe, McKennie has been smiled upon by Ogbonna! Between those glistening obsidian thighs, muscled like a kentucky derby throughbred, is the source of his “power”. And just as in years past, like the faithful during Arbaeen, the Ragazza from all over the bel paessa will once again flock on foot to Il Vestuario di Allianz Stadium, to catch a glimpse , or a taste for the lucky few of the “Power”.
“The Agnelli have angered me. Pogba, Asamoah, Keane, my name sake............ all sent away. Juventus FC have strayed from me. That is why I have cursed the club! But I shall send another, the chosen one who will set the club once again on the right path. Then the curse shall be lifted. His name is McKennie. Carlos, you must go back to Juventuz and herald his arrival.”
That is why I have returned.
“McKennie” is the anglicized form of the Mandingka tribe “M’Kennie”who he is descended from. The tribe, based around the confluence of the Gambia and Sandougou were known devotees of Ogbonna. As a descendant of that proud warrior tribe, McKennie has been smiled upon by Ogbonna! Between those glistening obsidian thighs, muscled like a kentucky derby throughbred, is the source of his “power”. And just as in years past, like the faithful during Arbaeen, the Ragazza from all over the bel paessa will once again flock on foot to Il Vestuario di Allianz Stadium, to catch a glimpse , or a taste for the lucky few of the “Power”.
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