US Presidential Elections thread - the fate of the world to be decided (2 Viewers)

Who would you vote to be the next President of the United States?

  • John McCain

  • Barack Obama

  • undecided


Results are only viewable after voting.
Status
Not open for further replies.

Zlatan

Senior Member
Jun 9, 2003
23,034
#1
Let's start on a light note, with a few jokes:


The hottest selling new political bumper sticker comes from New York state:

RUN HILLARY RUN"

Democrats put them on the rear bumpers.

Republicans put them on the front bumpers.

======================

How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a lightbulb?

The Answer is TEN:

1. one to deny that a lightbulb needs to be changed,

2. one to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the lightbulb needs to be changed,

3. one to blame Clinton for burning out the lightbulb,

4. one to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the lightbulb or for darkness,

5. one to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for the new lightbulb,

6. one to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner "Lightbulb Change Accomplished",

7. one administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally "in the dark",

8. one to viciously smear #7,

9. one surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along,

10. and finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.

===================

The Top 15 George W. Bush Campaign Slogans We'd Like to See

15> Elect Bush: Vote Nader

14> You Wouldn't Want to Piss Off John Ashcroft, Would You?

13> Vote Bush -- or Condoleezza Will Come and Spank You!

12> Behind the Curtain... Halliburton!

11> Not Smart Enough to Lie

10> Force-Feeding Democracy to the World, One Nation at a Time

9> Last Time, I Was Just Stupid; This Time, I'm Evil as Well!

8> Leading Kerry in All Alphabetized Polls

7> Give Me Four More Years and I'll Find You Some Damned WMDs Somewhere

6> Stick It to Frenchie, BIG TIME!

5> Mission Accom-- Hey, Look, the NCAA Tourney Is On!

4> Vote for Bush! Or Don't, and I'll Just Have the Supreme Court Take Care of It Again.

3> Tax and Spend -- Without The Tax!

2> C'mon Guys, Don'tcha Want a Boss, *****in', Supercool Moon Base?!?

and Topfive.com's Number 1 George W. Bush Campaign Slogan We'd Like to See...

1> Vote Bush: It's a No-Brainer!


=======================

We have a new chaplain in the Senate, and a tour came through the other day. They asked him a lot of questions about being chaplain, and one person turned to him and asked: "When you open the Senate with prayer each morning, do you look out at the senators and pray for them?"

The chaplain didn't lose a beat -- he said, "No, actually, I look out at all those senators and I pray for the country."


================

Dubya Goes To Hell

While walking down the street one day, George "Dubya" Bush is shot by a disgruntled NRA member. His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem: We seldom see a Republican around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Dubya.

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself: He says you have to spend one day in hell and one day in heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."

"But, I've already made up my mind; I want to be in heaven."

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts! him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it his dad and thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out over the years: Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Jerry Falwell. The whole of the "Right" is here, everyone laughing, happy; casually but expensively dressed.

They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the "suckers and peasants."

They play a friendly game of golf, then dine on lobster and caviar. The devil himself comes up to Bush with a frosty drink and says, "Have a Margarita and relax, Dubya!"

"Uh, I can't drink no more, I took a pledge," says Junior, dejectedly.

"This is Hell, son: you can drink and eat all you want and ! not worry, and it just gets better from here!" says the devil. &nb sp; Dubya takes the drink and finds himself liking the devil, who is a very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real horns. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to go.

Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Bush steps on the elevator and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in heaven again and St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven," the old man says, opening the gate.

So for 24 hours Bush is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor; he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even tr! eated like someone special!

Worst of all, to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish hippie with his endless 'peace' and 'do unto others' jive.

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself, "Pat Robertson never prepared me for this!"

The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."

With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Dubya reflects for a minute, then answers, "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in hell with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to hell. The doors of the elevator open, and he finds himself in the middle of barren, scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste...kind of like Houston. He is horrified! to see all of his friends dressed in rags and chained together, picki ng up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.

The Devil comes over to Dubya and puts an arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Dubya. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar and drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us."





Discuss.
 

gray

Senior Member
Moderator
Apr 22, 2003
30,096
#4
You know I'm always first into your threads with a comment that undermines the pages and pages of text you started the first post off with :D
 

Henry

Senior Member
Sep 30, 2003
5,517
#8
lol-don't give us Bush supporters a bad name-we have to be open to other people, even when they don't know what they are talking about ;)
 

Bjerknes

"Top Economist"
Mar 16, 2004
101,928
#9
++ [ originally posted by ADP Timers ] ++
jokes are lame

if your not american, and DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE, then just shut your mouth.
I highly agree with that. Political affiliations aside, I'm really getting sick of the jokes put out there which make fun of our President, and tired of people from other countries who think they can change the outcome of it. Mind your own elections please.
 

nedved34

Senior Member
Oct 3, 2002
3,919
#10
++ [ originally posted by Andy ] ++


I highly agree with that. Political affiliations aside, I'm really getting sick of the jokes put out there which make fun of our President, and tired of people from other countries who think they can change the outcome of it. Mind your own elections please.
Actually it will be better if we don't talk about politics at all. It only brings hate :mad:
 

ADP Timers

Senior Member
Feb 4, 2004
1,837
#13
Berlusconi supports Bush, and wants to see him in office for another 4 more years.

Cant argue with the Italian PM.

But ya, politics only create tension between parties.
 

Dragon

Senior Member
Apr 24, 2003
27,407
#14
++ [ originally posted by Andy ] ++


I highly agree with that. Political affiliations aside, I'm really getting sick of the jokes put out there which make fun of our President, and tired of people from other countries who think they can change the outcome of it. Mind your own elections please.
I would mind my own elections, but the problem is that my country has a dictator in charge (so no elections) aaaaannnndddd Im living in the USA
 

Gandalf

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2003
2,038
#17
lol..

about the elections.. I don't think the rest of the world will be affected much if kerry get elected or bush stayed.. it will still be the same.. I guess.. after all, those candidates changes dramatically after they get elected..

but, I don't like to talk about politics.. here or anywhere.. it'll ALWAYS ends with a fight..
 

xziz

Senior Member
Aug 30, 2004
508
#19
People, come on, give Slatan a chance, it was just a joke.

Plus alternance is the foundation of democracy, so let's welcome the change that will happen in the States. Answer is no, unfortunately I will not vote in the US, but I will vote in Italy and hope not to get a Berlusconi second term.

xziz :D
 
Dec 27, 2003
1,979
#20
++ [ originally posted by ADP Timers ] ++
Berlusconi supports Bush, and wants to see him in office for another 4 more years.

Cant argue with the Italian PM.
LMFAO. Im sure Shrub must feel proud to be supported by the new head of Cosa Nostra. Putin aka Vlad the Impaler is also with him btw, as are the Iranian mullahs (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20041019/ap_on_el_pr/iran_us_elections).

Crooks, butchers and fundies of all cults often get along fine : can't argue with that.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 2)