Associated Press - CHICAGO, Il. Dec 09, 2005.
Today the United States Soccer Federation announced that 700 000 of the country's top soccer players have been ruled out of all this summer's competitions, which includes the World Cup. This is due to the long-term injuries of key players and many advanced cases of Avian Flu.
During a ceremony marking the advancement of soccer in the United States, a man who entered the University of Chicago auditorium ran through the seated audience with what is described as "flu-like" symptoms. The man, later found out to be one Rainforest Liu, was later admitted to Cook County General Hospital and was said to have contracted Avian Flu. This is the first recorded case of Avian Flu in a human being in the United States.
Two days after the event, hospitals accross the United States were filled with United States soccer players who have also contracted Avian Flu. Other United States players, who were not able to attend the event in Chicago, have various injuries of the outer extremeties, which most notably sidelined US National Team forward Landon Donovan with a pulled groin, otherwise known as no-cock disease.
In an effort to cope with the 700 000 players on injured list, Bruce Arena has called up Andrew Beck, Michael Burke, and Aaron "Enron" Molenda to the US National Team for the friendly match against Norway in February. These same players will most likely accompany Arena to the World Cup in Germany over this upcoming summer. Goalkeeper Enron Molenda said he was looking forward to the match in February, "I cannot wait for this match, I mean who the hell is this John Carew guy anyway? Lyon? That has to be a joke."
Bruce Arena has also called up Mitch Gilbert to the full national side, the mystical talisman of the mentally chalenged community in the United States. Mitch has been in great form ever since his hat-trick for his University against the Maryland under-10 deaf and blind squad for the crippled.
Arena was quoted as saying, "I know this call up for Gilbert may seem way out in left field for some of you, but sometimes you just need a tireless idiot running around out there." Gilbert's former High School coach, Mike Long, had absolutely no comment on the question and in fact looked visably sick when asked to speculate on the call up.
With leading striker Michael Burke just receiving his clearance to play after spending 3 months in an alsohol recovery center, the USA looks for one of its most difficult tests in a World Cup ever.
Andrea Becchi, AP News, Toledo, Ohio, copyright 2005. Burke Enterprises.
Today the United States Soccer Federation announced that 700 000 of the country's top soccer players have been ruled out of all this summer's competitions, which includes the World Cup. This is due to the long-term injuries of key players and many advanced cases of Avian Flu.
During a ceremony marking the advancement of soccer in the United States, a man who entered the University of Chicago auditorium ran through the seated audience with what is described as "flu-like" symptoms. The man, later found out to be one Rainforest Liu, was later admitted to Cook County General Hospital and was said to have contracted Avian Flu. This is the first recorded case of Avian Flu in a human being in the United States.
Two days after the event, hospitals accross the United States were filled with United States soccer players who have also contracted Avian Flu. Other United States players, who were not able to attend the event in Chicago, have various injuries of the outer extremeties, which most notably sidelined US National Team forward Landon Donovan with a pulled groin, otherwise known as no-cock disease.
In an effort to cope with the 700 000 players on injured list, Bruce Arena has called up Andrew Beck, Michael Burke, and Aaron "Enron" Molenda to the US National Team for the friendly match against Norway in February. These same players will most likely accompany Arena to the World Cup in Germany over this upcoming summer. Goalkeeper Enron Molenda said he was looking forward to the match in February, "I cannot wait for this match, I mean who the hell is this John Carew guy anyway? Lyon? That has to be a joke."
Bruce Arena has also called up Mitch Gilbert to the full national side, the mystical talisman of the mentally chalenged community in the United States. Mitch has been in great form ever since his hat-trick for his University against the Maryland under-10 deaf and blind squad for the crippled.
Arena was quoted as saying, "I know this call up for Gilbert may seem way out in left field for some of you, but sometimes you just need a tireless idiot running around out there." Gilbert's former High School coach, Mike Long, had absolutely no comment on the question and in fact looked visably sick when asked to speculate on the call up.
With leading striker Michael Burke just receiving his clearance to play after spending 3 months in an alsohol recovery center, the USA looks for one of its most difficult tests in a World Cup ever.
Andrea Becchi, AP News, Toledo, Ohio, copyright 2005. Burke Enterprises.
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