The Lyttle Lytton Contest (4 Viewers)

mikhail

mikhail

Senior Member
#1
Jan 24, 2003
9,576
#1
http://adamcadre.ac/lyttle.html

Your task is to write the first sentence of an imaginary novel. Your goal is to make it hilariously bad. The maximum sentence length is 25 words. You may enter more than once; however, the maximum length of all your entries combined for this division is 25 words. If the combined number of words you enter for this division is over 25, all your entries will be disqualified.

As an example, the contest organizer gives the following: "Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating."

For some mroe inspiration, have a look at the site at the top. It has previous winners. A few categories:
The Montfort Medal is awarded to entries that refer to the book itself or the process of writing it; the Comrade Todd Award is given to uniquely mangled prose; the Berman Prize is for entries that seem innocuous yet suggest truly appalling books.

Anyone want to give this a go? Some us us have undoubtedly posted what would be winning entires in our many thousands of rubbish posts over the years. :)
 

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mikhail

mikhail

Senior Member
Thread Starter #2
Jan 24, 2003
9,576
  • Thread Starter
    • Thread Starter #2
    A few examples:
    For centuries, man had watched the clouds; now, they were watching him. [Submitted by Stephen Sachs. This line also featured in one of our Herbert the Walrus comic strips.]

    Before I got hit by that ole bus, I never used to think much, but now I think PLENTY.

    Monica had exploded, and I had a mystery, and pieces of her pancreas, on my hands.

    The inner workings of the kidney, which you will no doubt find quite interesting, can, albeit shocking to some, be downright astonishing to others.

    The cosmonauts were transfixed with wonderment as the sun set--over the Earth--[their] lucklessly untethered Comrade Todd on fire.

    Turning, I mentally digested all of what you, the reader, are about to find out heartbreakingly.

    Hank, Herculean therapist, cleansed the Augean stables of my soul.

    Dr. Metzger turned to greet his new patient, blithely unaware that he would soon become a member of a secret brotherhood as old as urology itself. [This sounds like a Far Side caption.]

    Juicy, their love was like forbidden fruit: tasty.

    Michael had always wanted to lactate.

    I am pleased to announce that, although attitudes have improved immensely, the beatings will continue.

    Maria's flossing was now complete. [Also a terrible final line.]

    Leon fell out of the goat.

    The night passed like a kidney stone: painfully and with the help of major sedatives.

    The pain wouldn't stop, and Vern still had three cats left.

    In 3010, the potatoes triumphed.

    And the funniest Little Lytton line of all time:

    A lone testicle lay in a barren field.
     
    Roverbhoy

    Roverbhoy

    Senior Member
    #5
    Jul 31, 2002
    1,840
    #5
    ++ [ originally posted by mikhail ] ++
    A few examples:
    For centuries, man had watched the clouds; now, they were watching him. [Submitted by Stephen Sachs. This line also featured in one of our Herbert the Walrus comic strips.]

    Before I got hit by that ole bus, I never used to think much, but now I think PLENTY.

    Monica had exploded, and I had a mystery, and pieces of her pancreas, on my hands.

    The inner workings of the kidney, which you will no doubt find quite interesting, can, albeit shocking to some, be downright astonishing to others.

    The cosmonauts were transfixed with wonderment as the sun set--over the Earth--[their] lucklessly untethered Comrade Todd on fire.

    Turning, I mentally digested all of what you, the reader, are about to find out heartbreakingly.

    Hank, Herculean therapist, cleansed the Augean stables of my soul.

    Dr. Metzger turned to greet his new patient, blithely unaware that he would soon become a member of a secret brotherhood as old as urology itself. [This sounds like a Far Side caption.]

    Juicy, their love was like forbidden fruit: tasty.

    Michael had always wanted to lactate.

    I am pleased to announce that, although attitudes have improved immensely, the beatings will continue.

    Maria's flossing was now complete. [Also a terrible final line.]

    Leon fell out of the goat.

    The night passed like a kidney stone: painfully and with the help of major sedatives.

    The pain wouldn't stop, and Vern still had three cats left.

    In 3010, the potatoes triumphed.

    And the funniest Little Lytton line of all time:

    A lone testicle lay in a barren field.
    Click to expand...

    You know what...I think these first lines are superb...I'd want to read the rest of the books after reading these...more please
     
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