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R.I.P. Todd and Timmy (4 Viewers)
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Homeland Security Bans 'Head on a post" Memorials
New York Times
12/3/08
The Homeland Security Agency has banned use of a popular memorial technique from city streets in the United States. The new order was issued after a few tourists from Somalia reportedly fell ill while walking by Ground Zero, the site of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
At the 9/11 memorial, the heads of two window washers were placed on pikes shortly after the terrorist attacks as a sign of honor and commemoration. Brothers Todd and Timmy Burke, professional window washers at the South Tower, continued to do their jobs after the first flight was commandeered into the first tower. The brothers continued to wash the tower until the second plane hit, causing their heads to be severed and sent flying over the Verazzano Bridge into New Jersey. The two men are considered heros for their service.
"Todd and Timmy were heros for New York," claimed one onlooking firefighter. "They showed us that while hard work may get your head severed, it's duty and honor before heads."
But Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff has moved to outlaw the Burke Brothers memorial. "Why does the public have to see two mangled heads sitting on the side of Canal street?", Chertoff asked journalists. "I mean, this is disgusting. Not because of their mangled heads, but because we're celebrating two losers. I don't care about some washed up window washers."
Chertoff's comments are already causing outrage across the United States, with gangs reportedly stealing Todd and Timmy's severed penis from the same memorial site and promptly placing the genitals in the mouth of cardboard Chertoff cutouts.
"This fucker Chertoff wants to piss on our heros?", said one gang member. "Fine, we'll have the Burke brothers piss in your mouth, Chertoff. Taste the piss motherfucker."
The heads of Todd and Timmy Burke were picked up by the New York Sanitation department at 4:30pm today. Landfill site is unknown at this time.
www.nytimes.com
New York Times
12/3/08
The Homeland Security Agency has banned use of a popular memorial technique from city streets in the United States. The new order was issued after a few tourists from Somalia reportedly fell ill while walking by Ground Zero, the site of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
At the 9/11 memorial, the heads of two window washers were placed on pikes shortly after the terrorist attacks as a sign of honor and commemoration. Brothers Todd and Timmy Burke, professional window washers at the South Tower, continued to do their jobs after the first flight was commandeered into the first tower. The brothers continued to wash the tower until the second plane hit, causing their heads to be severed and sent flying over the Verazzano Bridge into New Jersey. The two men are considered heros for their service.
"Todd and Timmy were heros for New York," claimed one onlooking firefighter. "They showed us that while hard work may get your head severed, it's duty and honor before heads."
But Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff has moved to outlaw the Burke Brothers memorial. "Why does the public have to see two mangled heads sitting on the side of Canal street?", Chertoff asked journalists. "I mean, this is disgusting. Not because of their mangled heads, but because we're celebrating two losers. I don't care about some washed up window washers."
Chertoff's comments are already causing outrage across the United States, with gangs reportedly stealing Todd and Timmy's severed penis from the same memorial site and promptly placing the genitals in the mouth of cardboard Chertoff cutouts.
"This fucker Chertoff wants to piss on our heros?", said one gang member. "Fine, we'll have the Burke brothers piss in your mouth, Chertoff. Taste the piss motherfucker."
The heads of Todd and Timmy Burke were picked up by the New York Sanitation department at 4:30pm today. Landfill site is unknown at this time.
www.nytimes.com
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