I would rather eat sushi off of Anna Nicole Smith's dead body after it was dragged from New Jersey to Kansas on Interstate 80 with successive piss and shit stops by truckers every 50 miles.
I would rather light myself on fire with a Dodge Intrepid and three Coors Lights filled with a mixture of vomit and battery juice.
I would rather walk the 150 miles I just drove stealing every "DO NOT PASS" sign which were set up every 20 yards on some fucking road I just drove on.
I would rather replace those DO NOT PASS signs with a more blunt "NO FUCKING PASSING" while I walk with no shoes and a swastika painted on my face and penis head.
I would rather be placed into battle in a Hezbollah controlled section of Beirut equiped with a DO NOT PASS sign and a tape recorder filled with hours of me saying "STAPLE SILLY SLAP HAPPY FAPPY SCOTT STAP PAPPY NASRALLAH BEST FRIEND BLOW JOB."
I would rather pass people going 20 miles per hour in a DO NOT PASS area backwards and on the wrong side of the road.
I would rather stab myself in the eye with a Red Bull can while Barack Obama screams "I AM YOUR FATHER" in my ear all the way to South Korea where I begin my job as a trash can eater outside Graham Bae's buttfuck shoppe in DangZhou.
I would rather write a track with Jay-Z called Gay Republicans "I feel like a, Gay Republican penis I got coming in, can't take that shit out of my mouth, Im still loving it. Can't take the cock out my mouth, Im still sucking it. Probably put it back in my mouth, Im like fuck it then."
Than go to this Statistics course.
