When I was a senior at Saint Maria Goretti High School, I was caught matriculating in a classroom. Later in life, have earned my diploma from Goretti H.S., I was able to secure the use of thousands of women's shoes as semen receptacles for my new-found mastabatory activity. That's right, I get to jerk off in women's shoes while my fellow Goretti graduate, one Andrew Q. Beck, is still masturbating in tube socks! And they named that rookie as "Most Likely to Succeed"?