++ [ originally posted by Sergio
] ++
So, here is how my weekend went.
After a rather enjoyable evening with my wife on Friday night eating at the Capital Grille restaurant and heading on over to a jazz club for music and vodka martini's, I had my friend's wedding to go to on saturday evening.
Now admittedly, I've sort of lost touch with him over the past few years, only speaking on occasion during that time, but we had worked together on and off during the past 6 years when we were working at Electronics Boutique/ Game Stop, and he thought highly enough of me to invite me to his wedding. Especially since on more than one occasion during his younger days, I had to help him avoid being arrested for public drunkeness and other stupid acts of society, so he figured he owed me one.
Cool. I told him that I would be more than happy to go, and even got myself a new suit for the occasion (disclaimer- I was going to get another new suit anyway, but the timing on this was perfect)
So, myself and my wife, who looked absolutely glamorous in her dress and black open-toe heels, headed on out to find this "church". I wasn't too familiar with this particular area of the city where the church was suypposed to be, and in my haste, I forgot to print directions. So , what do you normally do when you feel you're in the vicinity of where the church is supposd to be? You start looking for steeples. After all, nearly every church has one, surely this church must have one as well.
My first sign of trouble. This wasn't a church. It was a Jehovah's Witness hall. Myself and my wife are sitting there in the car, looking at this assembly hall, thinking to ourselves that this is impossible. There has to be some mistake.
No mistake. Homeboy converted to a Jehovah's Witness. This would esplain the lack of comunication over the past few years. Fine. How long could the ceremony be? an hour, at the most?
Try 2 hours and 15 minutes. Fine, I said to myself. I sat through this, there's nothing that a shot of vodka (or 7) can't make up for, especially since the ceremony lasted so long, I could go right to the reception and start pounding a few drinks with some friends of mine from my working days that I hadn't seen in a while.
Just as the pastor is announcing the couple for the first time as husband and wife, and as everyone is applauding and cheering, the pastor says "Now, we know that this is ******* and *******'s special day, right??" The crowd replies an emphatic yes. "And we would do anything that they asked to make sure that this day is special, right??" The crowd replies yes, I say to my wife "Oh shit, this can't be good."
The pastor then drops the bomb of all wedding reception bombs. "Although there is an open bar, *********and ******* request that you refrain from drinking alcohol at the reception, and all alchoholic beverages have been removed from the premises"
Well, you could have shot me in the face with a bazooka, and I wouldn't have noticed, my whole body went numb. To top it all off, the food sucked, the music was even worse, a girl that I had worked with about 7 years ago recognizes me and starts hitting on me in front of my wife, and there wasn't a bar for miles.
A Dry Wedding. Who the fu
ck has a dry wedding these days?
Jehovah's Witnesses, that's who. Avoid their weddings at all costs. Get their home address, send money, and call it a day.
Not a good day.
And then the Niners lose 34-0 on Sunday to top it all off. Thankfully I had a bottle of Keitel One to keep me company.
And then the "threadinator" comes on here today with a thinly veiled threat about closing the thread down.
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)