1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally beaten and
killed by his fellow partygoers.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.
5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bullshit.
(Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises
to 400 percent)
6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits
forever.
7. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running
late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every
point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
8. *****ing about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden.
You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable
9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact,
even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional.
10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to
hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed
and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even
at your bachelor party.
11. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he,
in return is required to grant it.
12. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the ability to
pick a buffalo wing clean.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see nothin'.
14. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move house is beer.
15. (Gas Warfare Act) you may fart in front of a woman only after you've
brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers (Dutch Oven)
for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
16. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.
17. A true friend only THINKS about ****ing his friends mum,an asshole does it.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
19. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump
into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused
you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back
and enjoy.
20. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah,
baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit
the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
21. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both. That's just plain mean.
22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either
both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all
the conversation you need.
23. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join
him...too gay.
24. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one
intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver
a "F@ck OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.
25. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it
was.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally beaten and
killed by his fellow partygoers.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.
5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bullshit.
(Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises
to 400 percent)
6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits
forever.
7. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running
late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every
point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
8. *****ing about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden.
You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable
9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact,
even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional.
10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to
hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed
and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even
at your bachelor party.
11. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he,
in return is required to grant it.
12. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the ability to
pick a buffalo wing clean.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see nothin'.
14. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move house is beer.
15. (Gas Warfare Act) you may fart in front of a woman only after you've
brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers (Dutch Oven)
for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
16. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.
17. A true friend only THINKS about ****ing his friends mum,an asshole does it.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
19. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump
into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused
you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back
and enjoy.
20. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah,
baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit
the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
21. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both. That's just plain mean.
22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either
both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all
the conversation you need.
23. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join
him...too gay.
24. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one
intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver
a "F@ck OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.
25. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it
was.
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