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My son, you do not know me yet. But there is time for that to change after you are born. My name is Chxta, I am your father. I am writing this down as my testament to you, a few words of advice to dispense, just in case I forget to do it whenever the time comes. That I may forget to do it serves as my first lesson to you. Yes son, I am fallible. Just like any other human out there. I will make mistakes over time, you will be disappointed in me once in a while. But like you are going to be, I am only human, and making mistakes is the most fundamental human right there is out there. What really matters is the person's acceptance of his mistake, and more importantly, his determination not to repeat that mistake. So, whenever I make those mistakes or do things that are not in line with what I have to say now, bear in mind that I want you to do as I say, not as I do.
Over the years I have quietly observed a lot about people, and the world we live in. And I have come to the conclusion that life is indeed worth living. The only problem with it however is that you only have one, one that will be full of mistakes and thus regrets, but one that will also be full of achievement and thus joy. Try to live so you have more of the latter.
Make every effort to enjoy your youth, so that you won't grow up with regrets. The best time in your father's life so far were his undergraduate years. Those should be yours as well, so you have some time to wait yet. However be careful to avoid excesses, and above all take your studies seriously. A good education is the only safety net you will ever have. Be mindful to have a complete education though, a complete education encompasses everything you learn, not just the school curriculum. Always remember that whatever certificate you might receive in life would read that you were found worthy in 'character and learning'. Note that the character always comes before the learning...
Always plan ahead. But whenever you plan keep two things in mind, firstly always try and make alternative plans. As religious people say, 'man proposes and God disposes'. Again always keep in mind lessons learned from previous successes and failures. There are bound to be failures in life as there are bound to be successes. But remember that you can never know where you are headed if you don't know where you are coming from. And then again, there is no point living life if you don't have a solid idea of where you are headed. In making plans never underestimate the value of intelligence. There aren't many truer sayings than 'to be forewarned is to be forearmed'. The real value of knowing all there is to know about a potential foe or situation is that when things go wrong as some surely will, you will not so much as not be shocked, but you would be in a better position to absorb the shock.
Sometimes I will not follow you, your siblings and your mother to church. This is not because I don't believe in God, I believe He is there alright. Rather it is because my Bible starts and stops at Matthew 7:12. The ethic of reciprocity. You must always bear in mind that you are what you are because of all the other people around you and nothing else. If they were any less, you would be less, and if their circumstances improve, so would yours. Keep that in mind and always be good to the people around you. Your father is no masochist, so he would never go out of his way to cause pain to anyone around him lest the person turn around and hurt your father as well. Those are lessons that I learned quite a while ago. Be nice to people, always offer to help in any way you can. Don't offer to help when you can't do what is needed, don't offer to help when it would spite you. Whenever you help, do not forget that you helped such a person. If the person turns around someday and spurns you, know then that you are a better person, but never entertain thoughts of vengeance. Nothing wears down a man more. Always be grateful, and never hesitate to express your gratitude. Remember, as simple as it sounds, the words 'thank you', go a very long way in making someone repeat a feat of assistance to you. More importantly though, your actions in expressing that gratitude go even longer. Never demand assistance. If it comes, don't spurn it. If it doesn't shrug your shoulders and life goes on.
Make new friends, but keep the old ones. One is silver, and the other is gold. Never forget that. Be loyal to your friends. True friendship is more important than all the gold in Fort Knox, and let the friendship flow from you. You don't have to wait for the next person to always make the first move. Ensure that your friends' problems are your problems. That way when you have problems they would be their problems. Try not to keep enemies, but sometimes that can't be avoided. Make sure that your enemies are also the enemies of your friends. Always be truthful to your friends. However, try and have the wisdom to know when to be economical with the truth. It may be better on some occasions to be economical with the truth as that would help the situation a lot more than the blatant truth. Never tell a barefaced lie. That only complicates matters more. Hang on desperately to the friends who improve you as a person. Those who don't improve you, keep at arm's length. Even though I asked you to strive as much as you can to keep your friends, some would prove themselves not worth having as your friends. Give such people as long a rope as you possibly can, and when the rope has grown too long, cut it, but never look back in anger.
Make sure you learn a language other than that which we will speak at home. Make sure you learn as much as you can in that language. Also make sure that you learn the basics of as many languages as you possibly can. There is no telling if the day would come when a simple knowledge of the question, 'quo vadis?' would be all that stands between you and a lynching. Learn Igbo. It is the language of your father, his father before him, his father before him, his own father before him, und so weiter...
Love completely and like a fool. You will meet girls as you grow up, you will be infatuated with some, but you will fall out of it. This thing called love is a placebo, and when you are on the other side of it, it hurts terribly. Never forget that. Always keep in mind however that the really tangible things in a relationship are respect and care. Any other physical yearning will diminish given time and lack of proper care. As a man however, when you are in love, give your all completely. Don't hold back, don't expect anything in return. If you fall victim of unrequited love, hang on for as long as you can, then like in all other relationships, walk away without looking back. Nothing destroys a person's confidence more than unrequited love. If you are lucky to find someone who loves you back, walk in the air and return her love completely. There is no greater feeling than when you are with a girl and you know that she belongs to you completely. I know that because your mother loves me completely. Do not under any circumstances think that 'complete' love cannot die. Like a plant that is denied of nourishment, it would die. If fed, it would flourish. This is a topic I won't dwell on however because it is full of contradictions. Two things you must take away from it however are these, first true love between a man and a woman comes only when you have learned about the baggage which she carries, and are able to accept that she has that baggage, and put up with it. The second thing you must understand is that there with one exception, there is no such thing as unconditional love. The one exception is the love a mother feels for her child at the moment of birth, the one she will feel for you on that day in the not too distant future when you are born. Even the love of God which the religious people will tell you about has strings attached; if you mess it up, He will burn you in hell for eternity.
NEVER keep secrets. There aren't too many more correct statements than that of Tigran Petrosian, 'there is more deception in chess than in poker, but while in poker you hide your hand, in chess everything is out in the open'. Live in such a way that no one can use some dark secret against you in future. However even with all that openness, learn what is most valuable, and keep that close to your chest. Always speak your mind. That way you will have a clear conscience and you will sleep better at night. People will ridicule you for it, some will make statements such as 'you talk carelessly', but as your father can tell from his own experiences in life, when the chips are down they will seek your counsel. There is something in the human being that appreciates brutal honesty.
Keep at the back of your mind that he who must have peace must be ready for war. With that in mind, never back down in the face of provocation. However, always be mindful that YOU, not your adversary should be the one to select the time and place for the fight.
Eat healthy. My body has felt a lot better since I began to cut down on the junk, so would yours.
The next one is one that I'm only beginning to come to terms with, image is everything. Be mindful of your appearance. The way you are dressed will be the way that you are addressed. Always be neat and well manicured. It will open doors.
Never be afraid to show off your knowledge. If people around you do not like the fact that you are more knowledgeable than they are, direct them to the nearest toilet with the appropriate instructions on how to insert their heads inside the bowl.
The last I can think of now my son, and extremely important: don't watch football. That game has an evil spirit, and your father is possessed. I don't wish that on you my son, my IfeChukwude. I love you son.
Over the years I have quietly observed a lot about people, and the world we live in. And I have come to the conclusion that life is indeed worth living. The only problem with it however is that you only have one, one that will be full of mistakes and thus regrets, but one that will also be full of achievement and thus joy. Try to live so you have more of the latter.
Make every effort to enjoy your youth, so that you won't grow up with regrets. The best time in your father's life so far were his undergraduate years. Those should be yours as well, so you have some time to wait yet. However be careful to avoid excesses, and above all take your studies seriously. A good education is the only safety net you will ever have. Be mindful to have a complete education though, a complete education encompasses everything you learn, not just the school curriculum. Always remember that whatever certificate you might receive in life would read that you were found worthy in 'character and learning'. Note that the character always comes before the learning...
Always plan ahead. But whenever you plan keep two things in mind, firstly always try and make alternative plans. As religious people say, 'man proposes and God disposes'. Again always keep in mind lessons learned from previous successes and failures. There are bound to be failures in life as there are bound to be successes. But remember that you can never know where you are headed if you don't know where you are coming from. And then again, there is no point living life if you don't have a solid idea of where you are headed. In making plans never underestimate the value of intelligence. There aren't many truer sayings than 'to be forewarned is to be forearmed'. The real value of knowing all there is to know about a potential foe or situation is that when things go wrong as some surely will, you will not so much as not be shocked, but you would be in a better position to absorb the shock.
Sometimes I will not follow you, your siblings and your mother to church. This is not because I don't believe in God, I believe He is there alright. Rather it is because my Bible starts and stops at Matthew 7:12. The ethic of reciprocity. You must always bear in mind that you are what you are because of all the other people around you and nothing else. If they were any less, you would be less, and if their circumstances improve, so would yours. Keep that in mind and always be good to the people around you. Your father is no masochist, so he would never go out of his way to cause pain to anyone around him lest the person turn around and hurt your father as well. Those are lessons that I learned quite a while ago. Be nice to people, always offer to help in any way you can. Don't offer to help when you can't do what is needed, don't offer to help when it would spite you. Whenever you help, do not forget that you helped such a person. If the person turns around someday and spurns you, know then that you are a better person, but never entertain thoughts of vengeance. Nothing wears down a man more. Always be grateful, and never hesitate to express your gratitude. Remember, as simple as it sounds, the words 'thank you', go a very long way in making someone repeat a feat of assistance to you. More importantly though, your actions in expressing that gratitude go even longer. Never demand assistance. If it comes, don't spurn it. If it doesn't shrug your shoulders and life goes on.
Make new friends, but keep the old ones. One is silver, and the other is gold. Never forget that. Be loyal to your friends. True friendship is more important than all the gold in Fort Knox, and let the friendship flow from you. You don't have to wait for the next person to always make the first move. Ensure that your friends' problems are your problems. That way when you have problems they would be their problems. Try not to keep enemies, but sometimes that can't be avoided. Make sure that your enemies are also the enemies of your friends. Always be truthful to your friends. However, try and have the wisdom to know when to be economical with the truth. It may be better on some occasions to be economical with the truth as that would help the situation a lot more than the blatant truth. Never tell a barefaced lie. That only complicates matters more. Hang on desperately to the friends who improve you as a person. Those who don't improve you, keep at arm's length. Even though I asked you to strive as much as you can to keep your friends, some would prove themselves not worth having as your friends. Give such people as long a rope as you possibly can, and when the rope has grown too long, cut it, but never look back in anger.
Make sure you learn a language other than that which we will speak at home. Make sure you learn as much as you can in that language. Also make sure that you learn the basics of as many languages as you possibly can. There is no telling if the day would come when a simple knowledge of the question, 'quo vadis?' would be all that stands between you and a lynching. Learn Igbo. It is the language of your father, his father before him, his father before him, his own father before him, und so weiter...
Love completely and like a fool. You will meet girls as you grow up, you will be infatuated with some, but you will fall out of it. This thing called love is a placebo, and when you are on the other side of it, it hurts terribly. Never forget that. Always keep in mind however that the really tangible things in a relationship are respect and care. Any other physical yearning will diminish given time and lack of proper care. As a man however, when you are in love, give your all completely. Don't hold back, don't expect anything in return. If you fall victim of unrequited love, hang on for as long as you can, then like in all other relationships, walk away without looking back. Nothing destroys a person's confidence more than unrequited love. If you are lucky to find someone who loves you back, walk in the air and return her love completely. There is no greater feeling than when you are with a girl and you know that she belongs to you completely. I know that because your mother loves me completely. Do not under any circumstances think that 'complete' love cannot die. Like a plant that is denied of nourishment, it would die. If fed, it would flourish. This is a topic I won't dwell on however because it is full of contradictions. Two things you must take away from it however are these, first true love between a man and a woman comes only when you have learned about the baggage which she carries, and are able to accept that she has that baggage, and put up with it. The second thing you must understand is that there with one exception, there is no such thing as unconditional love. The one exception is the love a mother feels for her child at the moment of birth, the one she will feel for you on that day in the not too distant future when you are born. Even the love of God which the religious people will tell you about has strings attached; if you mess it up, He will burn you in hell for eternity.
NEVER keep secrets. There aren't too many more correct statements than that of Tigran Petrosian, 'there is more deception in chess than in poker, but while in poker you hide your hand, in chess everything is out in the open'. Live in such a way that no one can use some dark secret against you in future. However even with all that openness, learn what is most valuable, and keep that close to your chest. Always speak your mind. That way you will have a clear conscience and you will sleep better at night. People will ridicule you for it, some will make statements such as 'you talk carelessly', but as your father can tell from his own experiences in life, when the chips are down they will seek your counsel. There is something in the human being that appreciates brutal honesty.
Keep at the back of your mind that he who must have peace must be ready for war. With that in mind, never back down in the face of provocation. However, always be mindful that YOU, not your adversary should be the one to select the time and place for the fight.
Eat healthy. My body has felt a lot better since I began to cut down on the junk, so would yours.
The next one is one that I'm only beginning to come to terms with, image is everything. Be mindful of your appearance. The way you are dressed will be the way that you are addressed. Always be neat and well manicured. It will open doors.
Never be afraid to show off your knowledge. If people around you do not like the fact that you are more knowledgeable than they are, direct them to the nearest toilet with the appropriate instructions on how to insert their heads inside the bowl.
The last I can think of now my son, and extremely important: don't watch football. That game has an evil spirit, and your father is possessed. I don't wish that on you my son, my IfeChukwude. I love you son.
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