Ahhhh, good old Barbie! I love this woman. The definitive example of a woman who has reached sexual Nirvana after having crossed over to the "dark side of the force".
When she was with Alexandre "Cinque centimetros" Pato, her eyes betrayed all the sexual frustration hidden behind the facade of perfect hair and porcelain dental Veneers. The eyes chico, they never lie.
According to gossip mags in Brazil, such as "Tempo", it takes pato about one hour of foreplay, with very firm prostate masages the most effective, to get all 5 cm hard enough to attempt coitus. It then takes a pitiful 10 seconds for him to reach his sexual crescendo, after which he curls into a foetal position and begins to sob.
Poor Babs must have thought she would go through life never knowing true "fulfillment" despite her life of celestial luxury........................... That is until a chance encounter one night with a Surinamese boa constrictor aka Seedorf.
According to one of my insider milanista buddies who posts on the shitty red and black forums, this happened a few years ago after a Milan triumph in the knockout stages of the CL. That night after the game, a melancholic Barbara was wandering the hotel where the squad was chartered, to clear her mind of dissapointment as she could not entice a fatigued Pato to "service" her.
She inexplicably stumbles upon a small swimming pool behind a groto, where she sees a sight to behold! Gliding through the water as smooth as a Giant manta ray, was a man descended from the bloodline of Kunta Kinte. Clarence stepped out of the water, musculature glistening under the pale moonlight. But what caught her eye was the massive bulge between his muscular thighs, which his speedos failed to contain. As if a moth drawn to the fire, she could'nt control herself but to approach.
After a man of the match performance and a 10.0 rating from goal.com, clarence, like the warriors of old, had the strong urge to lay with a woman after vanquishing his enemies in combat, even if it was the bosses daughter. He then relieves his speedos of their futile purpose, and the "truth" is laid bare for Barbara. A monstrosity of flesh as thick and long as a pringles can, with a head as large as a granny smith! She touches it, and takes it into her mouth like eve taking a bite of the forbidden fruit from the garden of eden.
Clarence then takes her there and then, as a black rhinoceros takes his mate in the middle of the sahara. Barbara has never flet such "fullfilment". Within minutes her body is racked by contractions of rapture as she is released from her longing. Just as the spasms begin to subside they come again and again, like the great waves battering the shores of Kanagawa. It is then that she passes out from the sheer ecstacy..................
She feels light as though she is floating higher and higher into the heavens, and looks down to see her physical form writhing underneath a chisseled dark mass. A bright light breaks through the clouds, and from the the mists emerges a massive black serpent on his throne, as long as two football pitches and thicker than a blue whale. It is "Ogbonna", African snake god of fertility and sexual hapiness. Barbara approaches his throne, and he cosies up next to her allowing her to rub his head. She has finally found herself in the Elysian fields of happiness.
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