Jose let the dogs out (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Boudz
- Start date
Woof! Yap! Woof! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yappity! Yap! Yap! Yap yap yap yap effing effing yap! Sorry about all this nerve-shredding noise, readers, but we're just taking Despond, the Fiver's faithful black dog which always trots loyally by our side, for its daily walk. Here, Despond! Chase after the stick we've just thrown across both carriageways of the North Circular! Bah, the mangy cur hasn't moved an inch. OK, how about gnawing on this Bonio laced with arsenic and rohyp ... yaroo! Despond's simply ignored the drugged bone and instead sunk his incisors right into the Fiver's swingers! Yaroo!
Not everyone has such a tempestuous relationship with their pet doggy, however. The Special One, for example, really loves his little Yorkshire terrier Gullit - so much so that he takes it with him where o'er he roams. And so it seems that recently he stuffed the mini mastiff into a suitcase and naffed off back to Portugal with it for a long weekend. Sadly, upon Jose and Gullit's return from their Iberian gambol, the filth somehow got it into their heads that the Chelsea manager had failed to inoculate the mutt for rabies, and as a result rocked up last night at Mourinho Mansions to take the wee pup away.
Cue the Special One, in no way once again acting in the erratic manner of a man suffering from a thundering nervous breakdown, dashing back from Chelsea's player of the year awards at high speed, then stalling the rozzers at his front door while he "made a phone call" - perhaps literally to a man about a dog, for when he came back out front, Gullit was nowhere to be seen. After a two-hour row over its whereabouts, a bellicose Special One was hauled down to a west London police station and cautioned for obstructing officers in their duty, then released without charge, possibly to a soundtrack of bellowed police laughter.
"Mr Mourinho would like to make it clear that his pet dog was bought in England from a reputable breeder and has had all its necessary inoculations," said a spokesperson for Chelsea FC this afternoon, who may or may not have been thinking how the hell their job has come to this. "Full co-operation will be given to the authorities over any animal health issues." The Fiver wholeheartedly agrees with this sentiment, with the proviso that if Despond leaves a brown treat under our pillow again, we're morally within our rights to hoof the mangy mut ... wah! Despond's just sunk his incisors right into the Fiver's harris! Wah!
Not everyone has such a tempestuous relationship with their pet doggy, however. The Special One, for example, really loves his little Yorkshire terrier Gullit - so much so that he takes it with him where o'er he roams. And so it seems that recently he stuffed the mini mastiff into a suitcase and naffed off back to Portugal with it for a long weekend. Sadly, upon Jose and Gullit's return from their Iberian gambol, the filth somehow got it into their heads that the Chelsea manager had failed to inoculate the mutt for rabies, and as a result rocked up last night at Mourinho Mansions to take the wee pup away.
Cue the Special One, in no way once again acting in the erratic manner of a man suffering from a thundering nervous breakdown, dashing back from Chelsea's player of the year awards at high speed, then stalling the rozzers at his front door while he "made a phone call" - perhaps literally to a man about a dog, for when he came back out front, Gullit was nowhere to be seen. After a two-hour row over its whereabouts, a bellicose Special One was hauled down to a west London police station and cautioned for obstructing officers in their duty, then released without charge, possibly to a soundtrack of bellowed police laughter.
"Mr Mourinho would like to make it clear that his pet dog was bought in England from a reputable breeder and has had all its necessary inoculations," said a spokesperson for Chelsea FC this afternoon, who may or may not have been thinking how the hell their job has come to this. "Full co-operation will be given to the authorities over any animal health issues." The Fiver wholeheartedly agrees with this sentiment, with the proviso that if Despond leaves a brown treat under our pillow again, we're morally within our rights to hoof the mangy mut ... wah! Despond's just sunk his incisors right into the Fiver's harris! Wah!
