in an effort to understand the fellow men better (1 Viewer)

Jan 7, 2004
29,704
#1
i was lookin through stuff and i found this.

Hot Women in Public

It happens every day. There is a woman. She is in public. She is hot. People take notice.

They cannot help themselves. The HWIP's (Hot Woman in Public) visual presence is so dominant, so provocative as to be unavoidable. Any hint of her powerful aura within one's peripheral vision demands an immediate reaction.

However, defining the HWIP in precise terms becomes problematic. There is no single objective and quantitative measure. At best, one can say that the HWIP must possess a nearly universal sexual appeal in her specific context. Normally, this quality results from some combination of physical attributes, fortuitous cultural whim, artificial augmentation, and lack of sufficient clothing.

What the HWIP is then, is not as important as her relative function in society. And her relative function is to make life more interesting.

To the casual reader this point must seem obvious and unnecessary, perhaps even redundant.

But it is not the appreciation of the HWIP's aesthetic value to which I refer. As satisfying as such a thing surely is, it is the reaction of others to the HWIP that provides the greatest entertainment. A certain dynamic occurs when a HWIP makes her grand entrance. But this dynamic cannot be observed in her. Through it all she is unchanged. She is merely a catalyst.

To truly enjoy this situation, one must transcend the role of simple observer. One must become an observer of observers. Resorting to insults, such a person would be labeled an anthropologist, or worse yet- a sociologist. Mean professions in either case.

But humor my entreaty. A broad overview of possible reactions to a HWIP will help:

The gawker

This is the instinctive and therefore most common reaction. The gawker is easily identified by an agape mandible and conspicuous suspension of the blinking mechanism. He is often deemed a fool who has not yet escaped the clutches of mental immaturity.

Unfortunately, this assessment of the gawker is an unfair one.

The gawking reaction can rightly be defined as unsophisticated. But in many instances the gawker only wishes to heap visible praise upon the HWIP the only way he knows how- mild displays of guileless admiration. Surely he cannot be faulted for this?

The pointer

The pointer is a slightly more boorish version of the gawker. He feels the need to point out the HWIP with his hands or eyes. Always then, he is with a group of peers, whose reactions are entirely independent of his.

Accompanying his gesticulations are words along the lines of, "observe that female I have gestured towards. Is she not attractive- and irresistibly so?" Of course, the fellow will express this sentiment using the common vernacular- usually entertaining in itself.

The casual observer

The casual observer is in essence kin to the gawker. He is distinct however, in his greater control over his various body parts.

He is unconcerned at the prospect of his prolonged glances being noticed. He correctly assumes that such mundane behavior will be sublimated by more extreme displays.

Failed subtlety

This fellow suffers from an overeager sense of politeness and/or repression. He is compelled to look, but is convinced that he should not.

As a result he stiffens, and becomes a being of unnatural and belaboured motions. The forbidden glances he steals out of the corners of his eyes would be unnoticeable if not for the crimson tint in his cheeks and premature onset of rigormortis in his limbs.

He likely fancies himself successful in his attempt at subtlety. Ironically it is precisely his forced attempt that betrays him. This sad chap is always good for a laugh.

The idiot

The idiot does not understand or accept the need for subtlety. His reaction is to cavort wildly in an uncivilized and uncouth manner, showing an utter disregard for the HWIP and her personal space. Hooting, whistling, and crude remarks are typical.

The idiot is certainly an unwelcome sight. The HWIP is a person after all, and such obtrusive displays are an impolite distraction to her. Surely she must be on her way to rendezvous with wealthier, more handsome men- and therefore cannot be bothered with such inanities.

The revisitor

The revisitor begins as one of the preceding types, but his uncontrollable propensity to return to the situation sets him apart. Most observers are content to react to the HWIP in the method of their choosing and be on their way. The revisitor is unable to do this.

In layman's terms he could be called a stalker, or a psychopath.

The revisitor is potentially dangerous and should be treated as such.

Proximity mongers

A rare few feel compelled to reduce the physical distance between themselves and the HWIP. Perhaps they have poor vision, or are looking to sample the HWIP's choice in fragrance. The latter motivation represents true madness, for no straight man should be able to distinguish women's fragrances.

Unlike the revisitor, the proximity monger does not pursue this to an extreme. He will approach the HWIP only as far as social acceptance and convenience allow. He will go a bit out of his way to be physically closer to the HWIP. He is not, for instance, averse to changing his place in line or trekking uncomfortably into the produce aisle of the supermarket.

However, he will not follow her to the parking lot or become completely sidetracked from his previous tasks.

The hero

This is a rare breed. The hero summons enough courage to approach the HWIP in a meaningful fashion. He is able to "hit on her," for lack of a better phrase.

For whatever reason, the hero finds success. This is undoubtedly a happy turn of events for him. But under no circumstances should prospective suitors expect such good fortune.

The relationship between HWIPs and mortal men is best described as a "seller's market," for lack of a term not saturated with insulting implications.

Persona non grata

There is little difference between the persona non grata and the hero, save the unmistakable stench of failure.

Where the hero has prevailed the persona non grata has fallen miserably. Praise him, for he is more valiant for the effort.

The expert

As indicated by his title, the expert knows what he is doing. Only veteran observers of human behavior are able to perceive his deft movements.

With several sly, imperceptible motions he will position himself in such a way as to be able to view the HWIP without incrimination. He does this without interrupting his pre-existing agenda.

If the HWIP is stationary, he will artfully manufacture an ostensible reason to transfix his gaze on an object in the foreground or background. A marquee, a clock, a friend's face, etc. If the HWIP is moving, he will just have to satisfy himself as she traverses from one end of his peripheral vision to another.

He does not allow his gaze to follow or focus, that is his secret. He is able to see her indirectly.

The expert is capable of acquitting himself quite nicely even in the presence of female companions. His sense of survival and/or propriety requires that his visual consumption be flawlessly covert.

The expert is a true master of his craft and his exercise of it is a sight to behold.

Blind/gay

The blind man does not notice, and the gay man does not care to.

Be careful not to confuse the blind/gay man with the expert. Ideally, the distinction is a difficult one.





what type are you?
 

Vicky

Senior Member
Jan 9, 2004
1,566
#4
a friend of mine told me about the expert " technique" last summer when we were at the beach .... i think you learn to do that when you get married lol
 

Zlatan

Senior Member
Jun 9, 2003
23,029
#6
Expert-ish... not quite there yet, as sometims I dont make an effort to conceal my glances, while at other times I'm truly an expert ;)
 

Hydde

Duke NUKEM
Mar 6, 2003
36,669
#7
I have to admit thatim in the group of Experts/Pointers.

When i see a HWIP, if she is normal.. i tend to just see at her...to point her if someone is talking with me.
If she is totally phenomenon.... no one will notice that im cheking her ;) .
 

KB824

Senior Member
Sep 16, 2003
31,538
#9
++ [ originally posted by Vicky ] ++
a friend of mine told me about the expert " technique" last summer when we were at the beach .... i think you learn to do that when you get married lol

Being married requires you to become an expert, and fast. Unless you don't mind hearing the "What, you think she's prettier than me?? How come you don't look at me like that anymore??" for a couple of hours.
 

Hydde

Duke NUKEM
Mar 6, 2003
36,669
#10
++ [ originally posted by Vicky ] ++
noone will notice b/c the'll be too busy checking her out .... :) not cause you're an expert
Nope...its because im an expert.

In very sharp in that. But i have other friends that are not..and because i say that im an expert.
 

Vicky

Senior Member
Jan 9, 2004
1,566
#11
++ [ originally posted by Andre 3000 ] ++



Being married requires you to become an expert, and fast. Unless you don't mind hearing the "What, you think she's prettier than me?? How come you don't look at me like that anymore??" for a couple of hours.
exactly lol
i torture my bf all the time " u think she's hot ? "
he'll be like " she's alright" or " not as hot as you"
me " oh c'mon ! i think she's hot"
lol
i'm pretty sure that he checks girls out without me even noticing it though


@Hydde
alright playa ;) it was just a joke
 

NEDVED

Senior Member
Nov 16, 2003
3,921
#12
They say that a guy attracts a girl when he doesnt show her that he is so interested in her, i mean that a girl likes a somehow cool and strict guy, is that true Vicky?
 

gray

Senior Member
Moderator
Apr 22, 2003
30,091
#13
++ [ originally posted by Vicky ] ++
exactly lol
i torture my bf all the time " u think she's hot ? "
he'll be like " she's alright" or " not as hot as you"
me " oh c'mon ! i think she's hot"
lol
i'm pretty sure that he checks girls out without me even noticing it though
Dammit :( What's with you women and your mind games?!

F: Hey, don't u think that girl's pretty?
G: Nah not really, just average
F: Oh come on, she's better than average
G: Yeah whatever.. (Tries to change the subject)
F: Just say it, she's hot ay?
G: I guess she's alright
F: Errr, you think she's prettier than me :fero:
G: :irritate:
 

Vicky

Senior Member
Jan 9, 2004
1,566
#16
alright ! i finally get a chance to answer to these
@ Nedved
i do think it's kinda fun when the guy is not letting you know he's interested in you b/c you go fvckin crazy, doing ANYTHING just to make him like you and when he finally does it's not fun anymore ..... so that shit don't last
 

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