Spoilsport techies armed with firewall fun-deflectors mean the Fiver
has to be careful about using certain 'obscene' words and phrases.
Like "Sc*nthorpe", for example. Or "Up the Ars*nal!" So when Fifa
president Sepp Blatter started talking about "p*rnographic" amounts
of money while speaking sensibly for the first time in living memory,
the Fiver was left with no option but to reach for its giant jar of
asterisks so we could big up the little man.
In a Financial Times interview, Blatter condemned "the greed ruling
the world of football" and described some transfers made in the
modern market as "social and economic r*pe". He also vowed to set up
a task force focusing on corruption and ownership issues in the game,
which the Fiver presumes will work in tandem with his other task
force focusing on extra tight and skimpy Lycra for women footballers.
"All too often, the source of this wealth is individuals with little
or no history of interest in the game, who have happened upon
football as a means of serving some hidden agenda," thundered
Blatter, as a nearby Russian billionaire harrumphed loudly. Blatter
went on to condemn wage negotiations that "produce the spectacle of
semi-educated players on GBP100,000-per-week holding clubs to ransom
until they get, say, GBP120,000," as a nearby England defender looked
chuffed to be described as semi-educated.
Shamelessly defending the indefensible, as usual, brass-necked PFA big
cheese Gordon Taylor reacted with anger to Blatter's comments. "I
find it bizarre that the head of Fifa, an organisation which has
built its huge wealth on the back of players, is having a go at those
same players. He is biting the hand that feeds him," he hissed,
conveniently overlooking the "p*rnographic" manner in which his
association's hugely wealthy members gnaw voraciously at the hands of
the fans who feed them.