Yesterday, $teven Gerrard was set on leaving Anfield, despite being offered a weekly cheque of GBP100,000. Today, he's decided that actually, he loves the club and never, ever wanted to leave, not for all the money in Russia. Having called trusting Liverpool supporters "gullible buffoons" in the intervening hours, we now faces the same awkward situation as someone arriving at a job interview only to be greeted by the boss they treated to a departing mooney several years back. So let's just get on with today's developments, shall we?
"I had the whole of yesterday to think about what I was doing," Gerrard explained this morning, the ringing of cash registers clearly having kept him from doing so beforehand. "I went through it all in my head again. Considering everything that's gone on, I just couldn't go through with it and leave this club," he whimpered, concealing a well-thumbed copy of Patrick Vieira: When Only A Spot of Badge-Kissing Will Do. "I never said I wanted to leave in the first place," he continued, absent-mindedly forgetting he had done exactly that only 24 hours ago.
Liverpool might surely prefer GBP35m in the bank to this annual charade, and were probably spending the cash when this morning's epiphany occurred. But that didn't stop $tevie Me shunting the blame their way. "I know it's going to look as though I wanted to go, but I thought I had no choice," he said, his eyebrows further intruding on his hairline. "I'd felt I was being backed into a corner. When I thought about it more, I just wanted to stay." The kind of lovely sentiment Liverpool fans will gulp down all right, but we can't help wishing the club had told him to take his change of heart and boot it so far up his own backside that the sun would have to make room for it.
