I once visited a small Catholic Church on the outskirts of Napoli. A small and charming one, very unliek the rat city. I decided to go inside to feel the atmosphere, despite me not being a religious fella. It was wonderful. Simple but beautiful ornaments. Worn down benches, but with charm and patina. I went up to the Altar. Very typical looking Altar for a Catholic Church; a finely decorated table cloth and soem pretty golden Paschal candles. I could see why the locals were so fond of this little charming Church. I took a few minutes just feeling the atmosphere.
Then I noticed: where's the Cross with Jesus on it, that always hangs behind in the Altar - at least in the every Catholic Church I've ever visited. There were outlinings on the wall of the cross, but no Cross. I looked around, but couldn't see it. Then I heard a weepy noice from beneath the table cloth of the Altar. I looked under and a kid was sitting there with teary eyes, the kid was naked.
I wasn't surprised naked children is a thing in Catholic Churches. By automatism I said: "You okay, Kiddo", thinking to myself does this kid even understand English? To my surprise he replied: "It hurt so much"; "What hurts?" I asked the kid.
He didn't say anything. He turned around and pointed towards his bum. From his bum a rather large wooden board like, golden thing was sticking out. "What on earth kid?" I said. "You need help". "No!" The kid screamed. "I don't want any help. He told me that If I accepted Jesus as a part of me, I would be blessed", "Blessed? How". "Blessed to foresee the future and understand the mercato" the kid said. Being a football fan myself, I was baffled. "Who told you that?". After soem tiem the kid replied: "Massimo Di Culo, the local priest told me, that if I accepted Jesus as a part of me, I would become a transfer Guru; to impress my friends and never again be bullied, I took the Altar Cross and stuck it up and inside my bumhole". "Ouch" I thought to myself.
I couldn't get myself to say it, but: "Kid, accepting Jesus as a part of you is meant figuratively, not literally". The kid looked shocked "Oh, shiiiiiiiit. Mama gonna be mad. No Spaghetti alle Vongole for my tonite".
"My tiem is up, kid. Gotta head back to my hotel. What's you name?".. "Andrea, Andrea Cristiano"