Laughable article. If these people call them self journalists the world is doomed.
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Death to Sheridan Bird? (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter jonathantaylor
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Buy on AliExpress.com
He showed his face again, And the title of the thread is so suitable 
---------------------------------------------------
Which Old Lady Will Show Her Face?
As Juventus put together their new squad and finalise their plans for their first season in Serie A since being bundled out of the top flight for well-documented naughtiness (don't write in Juve fans, we all know that the club never done nuffink mate and it was a stitch-up etc blah blah blah), you haven't seen an Old Lady this excited about her return to the spotlight since Geri Halliwell spoke at the launch of the Spice Girls' comeback tour.
Since the calciopoli mess the Turin club have been on one long PR exercise, trying to clean up their image and distance themselves from the whole rancid pickle of last summer.
With promotion secured, the memories and spectres of the scandal are more or less gone. The old manager from that tarnished era, Fabio Capello (it's okay children, he's gone now...the comic cardigans, bottles of hair dye and multiple defensive midfielders won't be bothering us for a while) has been replaced twice, and this season the team will be helmed by everyone's favourite chirpy tactician Claudio Ranieri.
Stocky French water-carrier Didier Deschamps had been the head coach during the Serie B months, but after much whining, conjecture and awkward press conferences, he did 'le off'.
Last term ex-Chelsea boss Ranieri worked wonders at Parma, breathing new life into a struggling side, shaping an organised, compact and spirited unit. When he took over they were a poor outfit close to relegation, but by the time he had finished, they were a cohesive, impressive crew. The miracle he performed with the Stadio Ennio Tardini team caught the eye of the Juventus board and they soon snapped him up.
After the muscular, constipated style of Capello's side last time around in 'A', the fans can expect some more exciting football. In a recent friendly, the Zebras came back from 2-0 down to Roma to win 5-2. For some supporters all these goals and the non-stop fun may have been distressing and unnatural, but the neutrals loved it.
In the recent ten-a-penny friendly tournaments beloved of Italian TV, Ranieri's boys have struggled to make a hugely positive impact against rivals Milan and Inter, but their rubber-faced coach didn't mind too much and pointed out that they had managed some respectable results against scudetto holders and European Champions, and had in no way disgraced themselves.
The FIAT-backed giants have made some very nifty signings, chief among them Tiago, the Portuguese midfielder who was so unlucky to leave Chelsea as part of the Michael Essien deal. At Lyon, the versatile Tiago was a dynamic and goal-getting presence in an impressive midfield. And the words 'goal-getting', 'dynamic' and 'versatile' aren't words you would associate with someone like, hmmm, let's think, Emerson. During his spell at Juve prowling in the centre-circle between '04 and '06 sentences like "dad, I hate football", "please can somebody put some mustard on my eye-lid" and "let me die" often sprang to mind.
They have also acquired a very handy centre-back in speedy ex-Depor and Porto star Jorge Andrade. The Portuguese international, full name Jorge Manuel Almeida Gomes Andrade, has excellent positional sense and can also do a good job in central midfield in an emergency. He is a tremendous signing. In 2004 his suspension for the second leg of the Champions League semi-final between Deportivo (Andrade was a Depor mainstay) and Porto swung the tie in Mourinho's side's favour. A regular in the national squad since '01, Andrade should settle into calcio well, thanks to his intelligence and athleticism.
Buomsong, be warned, someone is after your peg in the dressing room.
In attack there is also a new yet familiar face. Italian World Cup striker Vincenzo Iaquinta will be battling with Big Dave Trezeguet for the role of big man up front. Trezeguet looked almost certain to strop out of the Turin Stadio Olimpico at the end of last season when his contract negotiations went sour. An ugly stalemate between the directors and the player (and his father Jorge who acts as his agent) developed, but after some tough words and amusing gestures it was settled, and the quiet French hitman signed on for more.
Iaquinta will give Trezagol competition, and it is unlikely that the two will play together. Iaquinta is more mobile and quicker than the Frenchman, but he isn't such a guaranteed source of goals as the lean striker whose fractionally rubbish penalty made the Azzurri world champions last summer.
But in case casual Juve fans are scared they won't recognise their faves, fear not...a few 'old favourites' will be back, in the unmistakeable shape of bandy-legged hair criminal and tumble-dolly Pavel Nedved, volatile and freakishly good in the air winger Mauro Camoranesi, Big Gigi Buffon in nets and of course housewives' choice cuddly little Alex Del Piero.
So which Old Lady will we see, Jane Seymour in all her mature, big-eyed, seductive splendour, or EastEnders pain-hag Lou Beale, dripping in pure hatred, barking orders at her terrified relatives in her grim kitchen?
Sheridan Bird
---------------------------------------------------
Which Old Lady Will Show Her Face?
As Juventus put together their new squad and finalise their plans for their first season in Serie A since being bundled out of the top flight for well-documented naughtiness (don't write in Juve fans, we all know that the club never done nuffink mate and it was a stitch-up etc blah blah blah), you haven't seen an Old Lady this excited about her return to the spotlight since Geri Halliwell spoke at the launch of the Spice Girls' comeback tour.
Since the calciopoli mess the Turin club have been on one long PR exercise, trying to clean up their image and distance themselves from the whole rancid pickle of last summer.
With promotion secured, the memories and spectres of the scandal are more or less gone. The old manager from that tarnished era, Fabio Capello (it's okay children, he's gone now...the comic cardigans, bottles of hair dye and multiple defensive midfielders won't be bothering us for a while) has been replaced twice, and this season the team will be helmed by everyone's favourite chirpy tactician Claudio Ranieri.
Stocky French water-carrier Didier Deschamps had been the head coach during the Serie B months, but after much whining, conjecture and awkward press conferences, he did 'le off'.
Last term ex-Chelsea boss Ranieri worked wonders at Parma, breathing new life into a struggling side, shaping an organised, compact and spirited unit. When he took over they were a poor outfit close to relegation, but by the time he had finished, they were a cohesive, impressive crew. The miracle he performed with the Stadio Ennio Tardini team caught the eye of the Juventus board and they soon snapped him up.
After the muscular, constipated style of Capello's side last time around in 'A', the fans can expect some more exciting football. In a recent friendly, the Zebras came back from 2-0 down to Roma to win 5-2. For some supporters all these goals and the non-stop fun may have been distressing and unnatural, but the neutrals loved it.
In the recent ten-a-penny friendly tournaments beloved of Italian TV, Ranieri's boys have struggled to make a hugely positive impact against rivals Milan and Inter, but their rubber-faced coach didn't mind too much and pointed out that they had managed some respectable results against scudetto holders and European Champions, and had in no way disgraced themselves.
The FIAT-backed giants have made some very nifty signings, chief among them Tiago, the Portuguese midfielder who was so unlucky to leave Chelsea as part of the Michael Essien deal. At Lyon, the versatile Tiago was a dynamic and goal-getting presence in an impressive midfield. And the words 'goal-getting', 'dynamic' and 'versatile' aren't words you would associate with someone like, hmmm, let's think, Emerson. During his spell at Juve prowling in the centre-circle between '04 and '06 sentences like "dad, I hate football", "please can somebody put some mustard on my eye-lid" and "let me die" often sprang to mind.
They have also acquired a very handy centre-back in speedy ex-Depor and Porto star Jorge Andrade. The Portuguese international, full name Jorge Manuel Almeida Gomes Andrade, has excellent positional sense and can also do a good job in central midfield in an emergency. He is a tremendous signing. In 2004 his suspension for the second leg of the Champions League semi-final between Deportivo (Andrade was a Depor mainstay) and Porto swung the tie in Mourinho's side's favour. A regular in the national squad since '01, Andrade should settle into calcio well, thanks to his intelligence and athleticism.
Buomsong, be warned, someone is after your peg in the dressing room.
In attack there is also a new yet familiar face. Italian World Cup striker Vincenzo Iaquinta will be battling with Big Dave Trezeguet for the role of big man up front. Trezeguet looked almost certain to strop out of the Turin Stadio Olimpico at the end of last season when his contract negotiations went sour. An ugly stalemate between the directors and the player (and his father Jorge who acts as his agent) developed, but after some tough words and amusing gestures it was settled, and the quiet French hitman signed on for more.
Iaquinta will give Trezagol competition, and it is unlikely that the two will play together. Iaquinta is more mobile and quicker than the Frenchman, but he isn't such a guaranteed source of goals as the lean striker whose fractionally rubbish penalty made the Azzurri world champions last summer.
But in case casual Juve fans are scared they won't recognise their faves, fear not...a few 'old favourites' will be back, in the unmistakeable shape of bandy-legged hair criminal and tumble-dolly Pavel Nedved, volatile and freakishly good in the air winger Mauro Camoranesi, Big Gigi Buffon in nets and of course housewives' choice cuddly little Alex Del Piero.
So which Old Lady will we see, Jane Seymour in all her mature, big-eyed, seductive splendour, or EastEnders pain-hag Lou Beale, dripping in pure hatred, barking orders at her terrified relatives in her grim kitchen?
Sheridan Bird
He showed his face again, And the title of the thread is so suitable
---------------------------------------------------
Which Old Lady Will Show Her Face?
As Juventus put together their new squad and finalise their plans for their first season in Serie A since being bundled out of the top flight for well-documented naughtiness (don't write in Juve fans, we all know that the club never done nuffink mate and it was a stitch-up etc blah blah blah), you haven't seen an Old Lady this excited about her return to the spotlight since Geri Halliwell spoke at the launch of the Spice Girls' comeback tour.
Since the calciopoli mess the Turin club have been on one long PR exercise, trying to clean up their image and distance themselves from the whole rancid pickle of last summer.
With promotion secured, the memories and spectres of the scandal are more or less gone. The old manager from that tarnished era, Fabio Capello (it's okay children, he's gone now...the comic cardigans, bottles of hair dye and multiple defensive midfielders won't be bothering us for a while) has been replaced twice, and this season the team will be helmed by everyone's favourite chirpy tactician Claudio Ranieri.
Stocky French water-carrier Didier Deschamps had been the head coach during the Serie B months, but after much whining, conjecture and awkward press conferences, he did 'le off'.
Last term ex-Chelsea boss Ranieri worked wonders at Parma, breathing new life into a struggling side, shaping an organised, compact and spirited unit. When he took over they were a poor outfit close to relegation, but by the time he had finished, they were a cohesive, impressive crew. The miracle he performed with the Stadio Ennio Tardini team caught the eye of the Juventus board and they soon snapped him up.
After the muscular, constipated style of Capello's side last time around in 'A', the fans can expect some more exciting football. In a recent friendly, the Zebras came back from 2-0 down to Roma to win 5-2. For some supporters all these goals and the non-stop fun may have been distressing and unnatural, but the neutrals loved it.
In the recent ten-a-penny friendly tournaments beloved of Italian TV, Ranieri's boys have struggled to make a hugely positive impact against rivals Milan and Inter, but their rubber-faced coach didn't mind too much and pointed out that they had managed some respectable results against scudetto holders and European Champions, and had in no way disgraced themselves.
The FIAT-backed giants have made some very nifty signings, chief among them Tiago, the Portuguese midfielder who was so unlucky to leave Chelsea as part of the Michael Essien deal. At Lyon, the versatile Tiago was a dynamic and goal-getting presence in an impressive midfield. And the words 'goal-getting', 'dynamic' and 'versatile' aren't words you would associate with someone like, hmmm, let's think, Emerson. During his spell at Juve prowling in the centre-circle between '04 and '06 sentences like "dad, I hate football", "please can somebody put some mustard on my eye-lid" and "let me die" often sprang to mind.
They have also acquired a very handy centre-back in speedy ex-Depor and Porto star Jorge Andrade. The Portuguese international, full name Jorge Manuel Almeida Gomes Andrade, has excellent positional sense and can also do a good job in central midfield in an emergency. He is a tremendous signing. In 2004 his suspension for the second leg of the Champions League semi-final between Deportivo (Andrade was a Depor mainstay) and Porto swung the tie in Mourinho's side's favour. A regular in the national squad since '01, Andrade should settle into calcio well, thanks to his intelligence and athleticism.
Buomsong, be warned, someone is after your peg in the dressing room.
In attack there is also a new yet familiar face. Italian World Cup striker Vincenzo Iaquinta will be battling with Big Dave Trezeguet for the role of big man up front. Trezeguet looked almost certain to strop out of the Turin Stadio Olimpico at the end of last season when his contract negotiations went sour. An ugly stalemate between the directors and the player (and his father Jorge who acts as his agent) developed, but after some tough words and amusing gestures it was settled, and the quiet French hitman signed on for more.
Iaquinta will give Trezagol competition, and it is unlikely that the two will play together. Iaquinta is more mobile and quicker than the Frenchman, but he isn't such a guaranteed source of goals as the lean striker whose fractionally rubbish penalty made the Azzurri world champions last summer.
But in case casual Juve fans are scared they won't recognise their faves, fear not...a few 'old favourites' will be back, in the unmistakeable shape of bandy-legged hair criminal and tumble-dolly Pavel Nedved, volatile and freakishly good in the air winger Mauro Camoranesi, Big Gigi Buffon in nets and of course housewives' choice cuddly little Alex Del Piero.
So which Old Lady will we see, Jane Seymour in all her mature, big-eyed, seductive splendour, or EastEnders pain-hag Lou Beale, dripping in pure hatred, barking orders at her terrified relatives in her grim kitchen?
Sheridan Bird
---------------------------------------------------
Which Old Lady Will Show Her Face?
As Juventus put together their new squad and finalise their plans for their first season in Serie A since being bundled out of the top flight for well-documented naughtiness (don't write in Juve fans, we all know that the club never done nuffink mate and it was a stitch-up etc blah blah blah), you haven't seen an Old Lady this excited about her return to the spotlight since Geri Halliwell spoke at the launch of the Spice Girls' comeback tour.
Since the calciopoli mess the Turin club have been on one long PR exercise, trying to clean up their image and distance themselves from the whole rancid pickle of last summer.
With promotion secured, the memories and spectres of the scandal are more or less gone. The old manager from that tarnished era, Fabio Capello (it's okay children, he's gone now...the comic cardigans, bottles of hair dye and multiple defensive midfielders won't be bothering us for a while) has been replaced twice, and this season the team will be helmed by everyone's favourite chirpy tactician Claudio Ranieri.
Stocky French water-carrier Didier Deschamps had been the head coach during the Serie B months, but after much whining, conjecture and awkward press conferences, he did 'le off'.
Last term ex-Chelsea boss Ranieri worked wonders at Parma, breathing new life into a struggling side, shaping an organised, compact and spirited unit. When he took over they were a poor outfit close to relegation, but by the time he had finished, they were a cohesive, impressive crew. The miracle he performed with the Stadio Ennio Tardini team caught the eye of the Juventus board and they soon snapped him up.
After the muscular, constipated style of Capello's side last time around in 'A', the fans can expect some more exciting football. In a recent friendly, the Zebras came back from 2-0 down to Roma to win 5-2. For some supporters all these goals and the non-stop fun may have been distressing and unnatural, but the neutrals loved it.
In the recent ten-a-penny friendly tournaments beloved of Italian TV, Ranieri's boys have struggled to make a hugely positive impact against rivals Milan and Inter, but their rubber-faced coach didn't mind too much and pointed out that they had managed some respectable results against scudetto holders and European Champions, and had in no way disgraced themselves.
The FIAT-backed giants have made some very nifty signings, chief among them Tiago, the Portuguese midfielder who was so unlucky to leave Chelsea as part of the Michael Essien deal. At Lyon, the versatile Tiago was a dynamic and goal-getting presence in an impressive midfield. And the words 'goal-getting', 'dynamic' and 'versatile' aren't words you would associate with someone like, hmmm, let's think, Emerson. During his spell at Juve prowling in the centre-circle between '04 and '06 sentences like "dad, I hate football", "please can somebody put some mustard on my eye-lid" and "let me die" often sprang to mind.
They have also acquired a very handy centre-back in speedy ex-Depor and Porto star Jorge Andrade. The Portuguese international, full name Jorge Manuel Almeida Gomes Andrade, has excellent positional sense and can also do a good job in central midfield in an emergency. He is a tremendous signing. In 2004 his suspension for the second leg of the Champions League semi-final between Deportivo (Andrade was a Depor mainstay) and Porto swung the tie in Mourinho's side's favour. A regular in the national squad since '01, Andrade should settle into calcio well, thanks to his intelligence and athleticism.
Buomsong, be warned, someone is after your peg in the dressing room.
In attack there is also a new yet familiar face. Italian World Cup striker Vincenzo Iaquinta will be battling with Big Dave Trezeguet for the role of big man up front. Trezeguet looked almost certain to strop out of the Turin Stadio Olimpico at the end of last season when his contract negotiations went sour. An ugly stalemate between the directors and the player (and his father Jorge who acts as his agent) developed, but after some tough words and amusing gestures it was settled, and the quiet French hitman signed on for more.
Iaquinta will give Trezagol competition, and it is unlikely that the two will play together. Iaquinta is more mobile and quicker than the Frenchman, but he isn't such a guaranteed source of goals as the lean striker whose fractionally rubbish penalty made the Azzurri world champions last summer.
But in case casual Juve fans are scared they won't recognise their faves, fear not...a few 'old favourites' will be back, in the unmistakeable shape of bandy-legged hair criminal and tumble-dolly Pavel Nedved, volatile and freakishly good in the air winger Mauro Camoranesi, Big Gigi Buffon in nets and of course housewives' choice cuddly little Alex Del Piero.
So which Old Lady will we see, Jane Seymour in all her mature, big-eyed, seductive splendour, or EastEnders pain-hag Lou Beale, dripping in pure hatred, barking orders at her terrified relatives in her grim kitchen?
Sheridan Bird
Actually, this isn't a bad write-up. The comments on Capello and Emerson are spot-on funny too.
Goals, Goals, Goals And Bum-Kicking
Is anyone - whether on the airwaves, in print or even in the pub - still trotting out the same old cliché that Serie A is boring? Can you think of anyone? Because if they are, they need to get a grip, hush their mouth up and get involved in what already promises to be a mad scudetto/survival fight, even at this tender age.
The sedate Serie A openings of yesteryear were firmly bunged into oblivion at the weekend with thrills, spills, hat-tricks, high jinks and guffaw0inducing bum carnage of the highest order.
This season, when the world media spotlight is voyeuristically fixed on the Italian league brighter than ever, thanks to alarming security issues, a lack of spicy newcomers and another exodus of World Cup winners and young-ish promise (Luca Toni, Fabio Grosso, and new 'Citizens' Bojinov and Bianchi), calcio could be forgiven for wallowing in a slightly gloomy mood. But when the action got underway, quality, incident and fireworks were aplenty. And that's the good kind of fireworks.
Juventus started life under Claudio Ranieri with a 5-1 crushing of Livorno, with three from David Trezeguet. God bless Trezegol...no steopovers, free-kicks, penalties, dummies, shimmies - just loads of goals. A striker's striker. His new teammate Vincenzo Iaquinta also weighed in with two, showing that under Ranieri, The Old Lady is going to go for goals and make up for lost time in the bargain basement of Serie B. Who needs the Turin Shroud now there is the Turin Claud and his free-scoring Bianconeri?
Defending champions Inter got their campaign moving with a shock home draw against Udinese. The visitors were fielding their star summer signing Fabio Quagliarella, he of the wonder goals and a potentially massive future. The Nerazzurri were hoping to play like reigning champions, but just like in February, Udinese surprised everyone by leaving Milan with a point after a 1-1.
Inter, shorn of their real leader and only Italian starter Marco Materazzi (who is recovering from a ruptured vein in his thigh...get well soon, you'll be back, hacking and winding up superior players before we know it, thicko) took an early lead through Dejan Stankovic but then lost their keeper to a red card and conceded a 91st-minute equaliser.
Inter's cousins and European champions AC Milan had a hazard-free Sunday, swatting aside Serie A new boys Genoa 3-0 away from home. Milan haven't been very active (yet) in the transfer window, only bringing in youthful promise in the form of Brazilian wonder-child Pato, ex-Roma, Juve and Real Madrid destroyer and scrappy midfielder Emerson (remove 's' from scrappy at will) and 90s icon Ibrahim Ba. Their star in the opening fixture, as usual, was undoubtedly Ricky Kaka with two goals. Cuddly coach Ancelotti will be praying that he stays fit, because despite the approaching return of the new slimline fenômeno Ronaldo, and strength in depth in midfield, Kaka is AC Milan, be it in Europe or Serie A.
Italy's most attractive side, AS Roma, also got off to a flyer in Sicily, disposing of Palermo 2-0 with strikes from the marvellous Mexes and yet another of their homegrown heroes, Alberto Aquilani. Having re-inforced wisely, the Giallorossi could produce a sustained attack on the title this season.
With both Milan and Roma winning potentially tricky away ties, the Gazzetta Dello Sport's Antonio Morici made them the star teams of the week. In his words the Rossoneri 'flew' and the capital club were 'spellbinding'.
Honourable mentions go to Sampdoria's new attack line of Claudio Bellucci and Vincenzo Montella, who both scored belters in a win at Siena, and Fiorentina who started life after Luca Toni with a 3-1 win over last season's plucky upstarts Empoli in a Tuscan duel. Late sub Chrisitan Vieri came on for a leg-stretch with new employers Fiorentina, and that can only be a welcome sight for football lovers.
Napoli marked their top-flight comeback with a disappointing home defeat to Cagliari. The mad Nap fans won't put up with such dross for much longer, and film magnate owner Aurelio De Laurentiis may have to get his enormous wallet out and buy some big hitters if the Azzurri are going to avoid an embarrassing and painful slide back into Serie B by Easter.
But the most amusing, surreal moment of the weekend was when Catania coach Silvio Baldini lost his rag in a touchline argument with Parma boss Domenico Di Carlo, and kicked him in the backside (which is a polite but quite frankly Daily Mail/'Conservative wives' way of saying arse). The whole event puts Wenger and Pardew's celebrated kiss and cuddle last November in the shade, and brings new meaning to the idea of a manager asking his team to follow his example and 'kick some arse'.
So week one is in the bag, we've already had 32 goals in ten games, savage, ruthless Zebras, wonder strikes from Aquilani and Montella, Inter getting a dry slap on their own turf, Maradona's old team getting whistled off by their own fans and grown men booting their rivals in the buttock zone. As popular Anglo-Italian football writer Susy Campanale said, "Not bad for a boring defensive League, eh?"
Watch the bum kicking here:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=w4zda9ju894&mode=related&search=
By Sheridan Bird
Is anyone - whether on the airwaves, in print or even in the pub - still trotting out the same old cliché that Serie A is boring? Can you think of anyone? Because if they are, they need to get a grip, hush their mouth up and get involved in what already promises to be a mad scudetto/survival fight, even at this tender age.
The sedate Serie A openings of yesteryear were firmly bunged into oblivion at the weekend with thrills, spills, hat-tricks, high jinks and guffaw0inducing bum carnage of the highest order.
This season, when the world media spotlight is voyeuristically fixed on the Italian league brighter than ever, thanks to alarming security issues, a lack of spicy newcomers and another exodus of World Cup winners and young-ish promise (Luca Toni, Fabio Grosso, and new 'Citizens' Bojinov and Bianchi), calcio could be forgiven for wallowing in a slightly gloomy mood. But when the action got underway, quality, incident and fireworks were aplenty. And that's the good kind of fireworks.
Juventus started life under Claudio Ranieri with a 5-1 crushing of Livorno, with three from David Trezeguet. God bless Trezegol...no steopovers, free-kicks, penalties, dummies, shimmies - just loads of goals. A striker's striker. His new teammate Vincenzo Iaquinta also weighed in with two, showing that under Ranieri, The Old Lady is going to go for goals and make up for lost time in the bargain basement of Serie B. Who needs the Turin Shroud now there is the Turin Claud and his free-scoring Bianconeri?
Defending champions Inter got their campaign moving with a shock home draw against Udinese. The visitors were fielding their star summer signing Fabio Quagliarella, he of the wonder goals and a potentially massive future. The Nerazzurri were hoping to play like reigning champions, but just like in February, Udinese surprised everyone by leaving Milan with a point after a 1-1.
Inter, shorn of their real leader and only Italian starter Marco Materazzi (who is recovering from a ruptured vein in his thigh...get well soon, you'll be back, hacking and winding up superior players before we know it, thicko) took an early lead through Dejan Stankovic but then lost their keeper to a red card and conceded a 91st-minute equaliser.
Inter's cousins and European champions AC Milan had a hazard-free Sunday, swatting aside Serie A new boys Genoa 3-0 away from home. Milan haven't been very active (yet) in the transfer window, only bringing in youthful promise in the form of Brazilian wonder-child Pato, ex-Roma, Juve and Real Madrid destroyer and scrappy midfielder Emerson (remove 's' from scrappy at will) and 90s icon Ibrahim Ba. Their star in the opening fixture, as usual, was undoubtedly Ricky Kaka with two goals. Cuddly coach Ancelotti will be praying that he stays fit, because despite the approaching return of the new slimline fenômeno Ronaldo, and strength in depth in midfield, Kaka is AC Milan, be it in Europe or Serie A.
Italy's most attractive side, AS Roma, also got off to a flyer in Sicily, disposing of Palermo 2-0 with strikes from the marvellous Mexes and yet another of their homegrown heroes, Alberto Aquilani. Having re-inforced wisely, the Giallorossi could produce a sustained attack on the title this season.
With both Milan and Roma winning potentially tricky away ties, the Gazzetta Dello Sport's Antonio Morici made them the star teams of the week. In his words the Rossoneri 'flew' and the capital club were 'spellbinding'.
Honourable mentions go to Sampdoria's new attack line of Claudio Bellucci and Vincenzo Montella, who both scored belters in a win at Siena, and Fiorentina who started life after Luca Toni with a 3-1 win over last season's plucky upstarts Empoli in a Tuscan duel. Late sub Chrisitan Vieri came on for a leg-stretch with new employers Fiorentina, and that can only be a welcome sight for football lovers.
Napoli marked their top-flight comeback with a disappointing home defeat to Cagliari. The mad Nap fans won't put up with such dross for much longer, and film magnate owner Aurelio De Laurentiis may have to get his enormous wallet out and buy some big hitters if the Azzurri are going to avoid an embarrassing and painful slide back into Serie B by Easter.
But the most amusing, surreal moment of the weekend was when Catania coach Silvio Baldini lost his rag in a touchline argument with Parma boss Domenico Di Carlo, and kicked him in the backside (which is a polite but quite frankly Daily Mail/'Conservative wives' way of saying arse). The whole event puts Wenger and Pardew's celebrated kiss and cuddle last November in the shade, and brings new meaning to the idea of a manager asking his team to follow his example and 'kick some arse'.
So week one is in the bag, we've already had 32 goals in ten games, savage, ruthless Zebras, wonder strikes from Aquilani and Montella, Inter getting a dry slap on their own turf, Maradona's old team getting whistled off by their own fans and grown men booting their rivals in the buttock zone. As popular Anglo-Italian football writer Susy Campanale said, "Not bad for a boring defensive League, eh?"
Watch the bum kicking here:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=w4zda9ju894&mode=related&search=
By Sheridan Bird