Our emotions are ours. They're projections as much as they really are about the other person. For someone arguing that almost all behaviour is inherently selfish, it's funny that you can't see how self-centered we are.
The fact you, a woman in her thirties, still don't believe you have at least some degree over control over who you fall in love with speaks volumes. Either you really are that naive or you're just desperate to be special.
And I pity you. Because you have not yet reached the level of maturity to realise that making conscious decisions in the field of love does not devalue the human experience, but rather makes any connection stronger and more intimate.
But you go ahead and watch the notebook again.